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Husband does not approve

tab1979tab1979 member
in Attachment Parenting
So my mother in law put my husband in his crib from day one and let him wail. Now he thinks this is a good idea for our baby! He responds to her for everything else she needs, but he has this foolish idea in his head...because he turned out just fine. Give me strength ( as I roll my eyes at him while picking up the baby). .
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Re: Husband does not approve

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  • tab1979tab1979 member
    Thanks! I was just coming back to add that he did go off to do research and marched back up the stairs and said "we are supposed to sooth them". Honestly. It's funny because she will make little grumbles and other baby noises and he is right in there checking on her, so I have no idea how this "brilliant" idea took hold. I guess he really trusted his mother's advice. Now I need to negotiate the baby wearing maze...
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  • bullybuttbullybutt member
    My SO's mom let him CIO at 5 weeks old because he was "just too much for her". Seriously?? The first night we had DS at home from the hospital he was not a happy camper and I was trying to find a way to soothe him.  SO told me to let him CIO...I about came unglued and told him he was out of his GD mind. Needless to say, we have never once let him CIO.  I believe (and it's just my opinion) that SO being left to CIO at such an early age definitely had an effect on his temperament...he is completely void of affection and emotion... Thanks MIL!

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  • musicalmama5musicalmama5 member
    bullybutt said:
    My SO's mom let him CIO at 5 weeks old because he was "just too much for her". Seriously?? The first night we had DS at home from the hospital he was not a happy camper and I was trying to find a way to soothe him.  SO told me to let him CIO...I about came unglued and told him he was out of his GD mind. Needless to say, we have never once let him CIO.  I believe (and it's just my opinion) that SO being left to CIO at such an early age definitely had an effect on his temperament...he is completely void of affection and emotion... Thanks MIL!
    First night home from the hospital?!?!?! OMG! Glad you won that particular battle. :)
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  • dawn6041dawn6041 member
    Yes I had twins and they never had to cry it out until about 21 months and that was only bc it was for their own good not to get everything they want.
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  • skibunny59skibunny59 member
    It was a different time.  My mom let me CIO and when I asked her "why?" and "Didn't she feel terrible about it at the time?"  her response was  "Oh, well the pediatrician told me to so I did."  Really?!  

    My MIL always makes comments on how much DD has to be snuggled and rocked before being put down to sleep.  She says stuff like "When my kids were babies I just put them down and if they cried then they cried."  She also makes comments on how strange it is that we cosleep because back then people just didn't bring their babies into their beds with them.

    Honestly, I feel sorry for our parent's generation.  They missed out on a lot of physical contact and snuggling with their sweet babies.
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  • tab1979tab1979 member
    You're right skibunny59, it was a different time. I can tell his mom is always asking about how and where baby sleeps when they talk on the phone. It's like she's mystified that baby's sleep patterns aren't "sorted out" yet. Baby is 8 weeks old.
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  • opheliainwadersopheliainwaders member
    tab1979 said:
    You're right skibunny59, it was a different time. I can tell his mom is always asking about how and where baby sleeps when they talk on the phone. It's like she's mystified that baby's sleep patterns aren't "sorted out" yet. Baby is 8 weeks old.
    You know, I think part of it is generational, and part of it is still the advice some parents still get. The other day, DD was hungry in the evening (she has a tendency to cluster feed, and then does a nice long stretch of sleep), my SIL asked, "Do you still have to feed her every two hours?" and I was just kind of baffled re: how to respond - I mean, why would you NOT feed a hungry baby? The Lure of the Schedule is still strong, I think, even in our generation.
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  • kcisthebombdotcomkcisthebombdotcom member
    gulickr said:
    tab1979 said:
    You're right skibunny59, it was a different time. I can tell his mom is always asking about how and where baby sleeps when they talk on the phone. It's like she's mystified that baby's sleep patterns aren't "sorted out" yet. Baby is 8 weeks old.
    You know, I think part of it is generational, and part of it is still the advice some parents still get. The other day, DD was hungry in the evening (she has a tendency to cluster feed, and then does a nice long stretch of sleep), my SIL asked, "Do you still have to feed her every two hours?" and I was just kind of baffled re: how to respond - I mean, why would you NOT feed a hungry baby? The Lure of the Schedule is still strong, I think, even in our generation.

    I think it's even stronger in our generation. Moms are going back to full time work schedules (or worse) practically days after their child is expelled from their womb (ok, that's a slight exaggeration, but you get the point). I know many who felt forced into scheduling and/or CIO because they needed the sleep to function at work.
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  • opheliainwadersopheliainwaders member
    KC_13 said:
    gulickr said:
    tab1979 said:
    You're right skibunny59, it was a different time. I can tell his mom is always asking about how and where baby sleeps when they talk on the phone. It's like she's mystified that baby's sleep patterns aren't "sorted out" yet. Baby is 8 weeks old.
    You know, I think part of it is generational, and part of it is still the advice some parents still get. The other day, DD was hungry in the evening (she has a tendency to cluster feed, and then does a nice long stretch of sleep), my SIL asked, "Do you still have to feed her every two hours?" and I was just kind of baffled re: how to respond - I mean, why would you NOT feed a hungry baby? The Lure of the Schedule is still strong, I think, even in our generation.

    I think it's even stronger in our generation. Moms are going back to full time work schedules (or worse) practically days after their child is expelled from their womb (ok, that's a slight exaggeration, but you get the point). I know many who felt forced into scheduling and/or CIO because they needed the sleep to function at work.
    Yeah, I totally agree. It's crazy what we expect people to do, and frankly I think our system is inhumane.

    I definitely lucked out, because even though I'm back to work, DD is pretty good about falling asleep, and although she'll wake up to eat in the middle of the night, it's a 15-minute sort of thing, not hours of being awake. I'm all down for a daily routine, but even with an "easy" baby I think a schedule would make working harder!
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  • tab1979tab1979 member
    gulickr said:
    KC_13 said:
    gulickr said:
    tab1979 said:
    You're right skibunny59, it was a different time. I can tell his mom is always asking about how and where baby sleeps when they talk on the phone. It's like she's mystified that baby's sleep patterns aren't "sorted out" yet. Baby is 8 weeks old.
    You know, I think part of it is generational, and part of it is still the advice some parents still get. The other day, DD was hungry in the evening (she has a tendency to cluster feed, and then does a nice long stretch of sleep), my SIL asked, "Do you still have to feed her every two hours?" and I was just kind of baffled re: how to respond - I mean, why would you NOT feed a hungry baby? The Lure of the Schedule is still strong, I think, even in our generation.

    I think it's even stronger in our generation. Moms are going back to full time work schedules (or worse) practically days after their child is expelled from their womb (ok, that's a slight exaggeration, but you get the point). I know many who felt forced into scheduling and/or CIO because they needed the sleep to function at work.
    Yeah, I totally agree. It's crazy what we expect people to do, and frankly I think our system is inhumane.

    I definitely lucked out, because even though I'm back to work, DD is pretty good about falling asleep, and although she'll wake up to eat in the middle of the night, it's a 15-minute sort of thing, not hours of being awake. I'm all down for a daily routine, but even with an "easy" baby I think a schedule would make working harder!

    The system is inhumane. My birth month folks are talking about going back to work already, and I can't comprehend how people are doing it. Hurray for year long mat leave!
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  • skibunny59skibunny59 member
    KC_13 said:
    gulickr said:
    tab1979 said:
    You're right skibunny59, it was a different time. I can tell his mom is always asking about how and where baby sleeps when they talk on the phone. It's like she's mystified that baby's sleep patterns aren't "sorted out" yet. Baby is 8 weeks old.
    You know, I think part of it is generational, and part of it is still the advice some parents still get. The other day, DD was hungry in the evening (she has a tendency to cluster feed, and then does a nice long stretch of sleep), my SIL asked, "Do you still have to feed her every two hours?" and I was just kind of baffled re: how to respond - I mean, why would you NOT feed a hungry baby? The Lure of the Schedule is still strong, I think, even in our generation.

    I think it's even stronger in our generation. Moms are going back to full time work schedules (or worse) practically days after their child is expelled from their womb (ok, that's a slight exaggeration, but you get the point). I know many who felt forced into scheduling and/or CIO because they needed the sleep to function at work.

    I don't really agree with this.  I think this has much more to do with parenting styles than whether or not you work.  I work full time, and we have never done CIO.  We also didn't schedule DD's feeding.  I went back to work when she was 6 months though so she wasn't super young. 

    Anyway, I know SAHM who have done CIO and scheduling.  Just like I know working moms who babywear and co sleep and SAHM who don't.  It's all about parenting styles.

    My mom was a working mom.  My MIL was a SAHM.  Both of them let their babies CIO in their cribs at a very young age because that's just what most moms did back then I guess.

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  • PipSqueak0313PipSqueak0313 member

    The other thing to remember is back until about the 1970's, maybe into the early 1980's, doctors were viewed as "gods" of sorts.  You didn't dare question them or the advice they gave you.....and the internet was not around to provide contradictory advice or information to lead you to question what you were told. 

    When my 17 yo ds was a baby, the doctors treated me as "just the mom" as if I couldn't possibly know anything about my child.  It only took 16 months for me to get a doctor to say that "maybe, it's possible, that ds might be" milk intolerant. 

    My 7mo ds's Pedi agrees that treating mom as "just a mom" and ignoring her concerns and inputs is the kiss of death to the Pedi's private practice in today's world.

    A lot has changed since my 21yo dd was a baby -- blankets in the drop side crib were common as were bumpers, car seats didn't have bases to assist with installing correctly everytime, car seats were designed to click onto the seat area of shopping carts, heating formula bottles in the microwave was common, chicken pox didn't have a vaccination yet, SUVs and other large vehicles such as didn't have rear view cameras, solids were started earlier, bicycle helmets were just starting to be common among adult cyclists, babywearing was the exception -- finding carriers to wear baby in was more difficult and the one I did find left me terrified the baby would fall out if I leaned forward too far so I hardly used it.  Most baby products (car seats, swings, etc) were upholstered in vinyl.

    Any other mom's of the 1980-early 1990s think of any other differences?

     

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