Family advice please

MoFree · October 2013

I am debating whether or not to tell my family about our IF and that I have a FET scheduled for late November / early December. They don't know that L was conceived via IVF. My mother is generally an empathic, caring person but not very knowledgeable medically. My father is really not a nice person and I don't want to tell him the reason for IVF. I don't trust my mother will keep the information to herself.

I don't think there should be anything shameful or secretive about IF. DH's father and SMIL have known and are very supportive. I don't know if they would stop the endless questions about when I am going to have a second child and reminders that I am not getting any younger (as if I didn't already know) or I would just be exposing myself to my father's very judgmental views on artificial conception and God's will.

I forgot to say that LO and I are going to Chicago for a visit this coming weekend and my upcoming FET weighs heavily on my mind

JAO2011 · October 2013

Personally, in your situation, I would keep it to myself. It sounds like you would just be opening yourself up to unnecessary scrutiny. You don't need that stress while trying to conceive.

jodegaard · October 2013

Hey you changed your avatar!

What have you said up until now when questions about having another baby have come up?

MoFree · October 2013

@jodegaard. Very observant. I changed my avatar back to a photo from Cinque Terre, where DH and I spent part of our honeymoon.

As far as why we were married 4 years when I got pregnant, first I was in graduate school and then DH needed time to recover both physically and emotionally from his nearly fatal auto accident.

jodegaard · October 2013

MoFree said:
@jodegaard. Very observant. I changed my avatar back to a photo from Cinque Terre, where DH and I spent part of our honeymoon.

As far as why we were married 4 years when I got pregnant, first I was in graduate school and then DH needed time to recover both physically and emotionally from his nearly fatal auto accident.

It's a beautiful picture!

I'm inclined to agree with JAO, it seems like you know where the conversation would go if you brought up IF/IVF. And you don't need that negativity.

On the other, it doesn't sound like your parents' opinions would change your perceptions of them very much. Maybe it would be worth it to stop the discouraging questions of "when?"

Do you see them/talk to them often?

rp-chicago-mom · October 2013

Aw. Too bad I'm not in Chicago or I'd say we should meet at the park with the kids. I agree with everyone else and just keep it to yourself. I don't want you to think you have anything to be ashamed of but I just tend to keep things to myself. It's not like people tell their parents how their kids were conceived when the do it the other way.

ccam · October 2013

In your situation, I think I would continue to keep it to myself. With the way your father sounds, I think it would be easier to deal with the "when are you having another' questions.

Good luck!

NeneCakies · October 2013

Usually I would say honesty is best, but having dealt with some pregnancy issues that we decided to keep to ourselves, I'll say don't think of IF/IVF as something to hide. Instead, consider the audience (your parents) as outside the need to know circle. It's a small distinction but possibly a helpful one.

nicnac817 · October 2013

I think you should do what your heart tells you. It's important to surround yourself with positive energy and love while you go through the process. Anything else might cause stress and heartache. Do you think that you'll get support and understanding from them?

It must be tough to not be able to share your whole story with some family.

I wish you lots of luck with your upcoming FET. My fingers and toes are crossed for you!

WhtRssnGrl · October 2013

I would just keep it to yourself. Yes, there is nothing shameful about IF, but why bring it up when you know there won't be any support coming from people?

piphigirl · October 2013

Sounds like a lesser of two evils situation. Endless pestering about expanding your family, or endless pestering about God's will - it's like you can't win!

I don't have much advice, just that it sucks. I would keep it to myself, but my family is different.

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