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Fostering update--words of wisdom needed

nursecramernursecramer member
in Adoption
So after the first session of training for fostering, H and I are having second thoughts. He is really unsure of how much he will be able to help out with things like visitations and court dates, since he commutes an hour from home and doesn't have a lot of flexibility to use time off to do those things. So it would be mostly me. I'm in grad school full time, and while my schedule is mostly pretty flexible, there are some times when I can't be available, or a week stretch every couple months where I might need to put in 60-70 hours.

He is completely realistic to say that it would be stressful and difficult, and I don't want to push him into something that he's not ready for, but I feel like I can do it. He's worried I'm biting off more than I can chew.

I realize this isn't a "Not ever" situation, more like a "Not right now"... when we both have "real" jobs and maybe live closer to family, have less of a commute, etc. we can apply again. But the other part of me feels like there is no ideal time, there will always be reasons not to... so why not now?

So.... i'm going to call the social worker today and let her know that we won't be moving forward. I'm really disappointed, more than I would've expected. I know there are lots of families who have had false starts (although maybe not of your own choosing).... any advice?
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Re: Fostering update--words of wisdom needed

  • Dr.LorettaDr.Loretta member

    TBH, this is one of the reasons we've thought less and less about foster/adopt. We have zero family support where we are, and all of those things would fall on me. It would be a LOT for just me to handle.

    Is this something you can revisit in a year or 2?

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  • CristineCristine member
    Have you thought about doing respite care instead of straight fostering? That would allow you to get all the paperwork done and get a feel for it without having the fulltime responsibility. We're currently only doing respite until my youngest is a bit older. We've had two placements so far each one week at a time, and it's been really great experience.

    Mommy to DS#1 7/1/04 and DS#2 6/15/07
    M/C 2/16/10 at 9wks 5 days~ D&C 2/18/10
    BFP#4 5/17/11 C/P.    
    BFP#5 11/30/12 Surprise! DS#3 born 7/29/13

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  • nursecramernursecramer member
    Yes, we will definitely revisit.

    Respite care is a good suggestion. I will talk the agency about that. H might feel that is a better way to get our feet wet, too.
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  • mommytoconnormommytoconnor member

    You need to know now what your limits are otherwise you take on more than you can handle and that's no good. Would you ever consider respite care, this is where you would take children for like a few days to give other foster parents a break or allow them to go on vacation or whatever.  It's a good way to get your feet wet.

     

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  • IdigDirtIdigDirt member
    I have no wisdom other than do that is right for you. DH works pretty much all day and I work 7-3 but I was told that for visits (in NJ) the child is picked up and dropped back off, we aren't even allowed to take them to visits. Things like doctor appointments we are expected to take them to but I know my doctor has evening hours and hopefully they take medicad (sp?). If you get a school age child from another school district you will be asked to take and pick them up from school for 2 weeks but then they can go to your school district on the bus. That is part of the reason we aren't getting a school aged child.
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