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The Inevitable Question: Do you have any children?

AJCagle82AJCagle82 member
in Late Term and Child Loss
First I want to say that today marks one month since we lost Parker Jane. I can't believe it has been a month. I also can't believe it's only been a month. Does that make sense at all? I miss my little girl so much. Last night I laid in bed with her urn in my hand and cried. I thought today would be even worse. It has actually been OK. Just a little quieter than we normally are. We just miss her so much.

Second, I went to get my hair done the other day. I had never gone to this girl before because I'm new to the area. As I was sitting there, she asked the inevitable question of "Do you have any children?" I had thought about how I wanted to answer this question off and on for the last month, but I was still caught off guard and not ready for it. I think I made it a little awkward because my mind was racing on what to say and how to answer without making things really uncomfortable. I chose to go with, "Yes, I have a daughter, but she is no longer with us. She passed away when before she was born." I didn't cry when I said it. I apologized if I made things awkward by my hesitation and stumbling answer. I explained how she is the first person to ask me since everything happened. I just can't discount Parker. I've read on here women who have also struggled with what to say and feel guilt for the rest of the day. That's what actually got me thinking about how to answer the question so early on. Thank you to those who shared that struggle. Whether you knew at the time or not, it was a helpful tool to prepare for a question I would not have otherwise thought to prepare for. I really appreciate everyone on here who shares their struggles. You just never know if you're helping someone by sharing. Thank you.

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickersDaisypath Anniversary tickers

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Re: The Inevitable Question: Do you have any children?

  • NoetholaNoethola member
    edited October 2013
    ***Siggy warning***


    Big hugs to you and your DH today. Thinking of you both and Parker Jane. Its a hard question to consider, but it is nice to have a heads up for sure. Its a whole new journey to be on. 
    Lilypie - (qptF)


    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 
    "Elsie Irene was born sleeping at 35w 6d on December 8, 2012. Mommy and Daddy miss you sweet girl."


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  • princezjkprincezjk member
    Sending lots of T&P today.  I often say the same thing about the elapsed time since my loss, so it makes perfect since to me.  I had a very similar situation, where about a month after losing Izzie I went to a new hair dresser who asked the inevitable question.  I did not handle it with the same grace that you did, so you should be proud of yourself for that.  Big (((hugs)))
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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    Daisypath Anniversary tickersLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers    
      *All AL Welcome*    imageimage

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  • cdale86cdale86 member
    Wow!  You handled that really well.  Continue to honor your precious daughter and talk about her.  You are a mommy!
    2 year TTC journey with successful IVF in Nov 2012- B/G Twins!
    Baby Boy diagnosed with omphalocele and diaphragmatic hernia
    Born at 32 weeks due to PROM.  Emergency c-section due to prolapsed cord.
    Said Goodbye to our sweet Bennett after 5 short hours.  
    Spent 35 days in the NICU with our little girl.

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  • Dixon813Dixon813 member
    Im so glad you felt "prepared" to answer! (Not that we should have to prepare that answer, but...)

    When you talk about your daughter you're also spreading awareness for all our babies - thank you.
    ~ Leah, Rachel and Gabriel were born on May 27, 2013 (23 weeks) ~ Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers
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  • AJCagle82AJCagle82 member
    I'm not going to lie, there was definitely an awkward moment while I was deciding how to answer the question. It wasn't really that smooth, but I'm glad it happened. I like telling people that I'm a mother. I like reminding myself also. 
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickersDaisypath Anniversary tickers

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  • fluttergirlmoonchild79fluttergirlmoonchild79 member

    ***SIGGY WARNING***

     

    Huge hugs to you today.  I think no matter how much you practice how you'll respond to that question, it still catches you off guard.  You did great!  I didn't really leave the house for months for fear of having to answer that question. 

     

    In memory of Corbin Scott 10/28/11-12/3/11. Heaven got another angel the night you left this world behind Heaven got a little better the day it took you away from me Missing you tonight, see you again sometime For now I'll close my eyes and dream of heaven tonight I'll love you forever I'll like you for always Now and Forever My baby you'll be

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

     

     

    corbinsmommy.blogspot.com


     

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  • jbranden12jbranden12 member
    ((hugs)) there is no right way to answer that question!


      Our Angel Patricia born sleeping 3/30/12 at 31 weeks
    Our Fighter Anna born early 1/8/13 at 26 weeks
    Hoping to bring home #3 due 9/9/15
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  • Jkerr924Jkerr924 member
    Wow, I haven't thought about how to answer that question. I haven't been asked yet, but I hope I answer it with grace like you. It's been 5 weeks for me. 
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  • DoublegreenDoublegreen member

     I'm glad that you handled yourself with such composure.

    I'll be at work next week, so I'm practicing ways to respond to a few questions once I'm asked. I'm looking forward to saying that I'm a mother, although I lost my baby. Unfortunantly, there are nosy people that would want to know the details. I'm just going to handle it all with a graceful, "Id rather not talk about it, it's too painful" and just go about my business and hope that this inquirer would be mature enough not to press it.

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