Introduction/using a GC

Josiecat · October 2013

Hi everyone -

First, I'm so thankful to The Bump for including this as a message board, though I'm not sure why this is the first time I'm coming across it!

Some of you might recognize my name from the IF boards... sadly, I don't really belong there anymore. Long story short - after 4 miscarriages, and 1 failed IVF cycle, my team of doctors (there are 3.... my GI, high-risk OB-GYN, and the RE folks) have all unanimously agreed that my body (specifically my pancreas) cannot handle a pregnancy. High-risk just dropped the bomb that if I were to get past the first trimester, they would "try their best" to get me to the 24 week mark, then basically pray that they can deliver the baby at 32 weeks. They said "it wouldn't be a matter of IF you made it to 32 weeks, it would be a matter of getting the baby out NO LATER than that.... Between knowing that our baby would be an automatic entry to the NICU, and quite possibly having to decide between my life and the baby's life, we decided that it is in all of our best interest to use a gestational carrier.

So much easier said than done.

I am mourning the loss of carrying my own child, my "woman-ness", and the fact that my body has ultimately just plain ol' failed me and my family. As a teen, I used to lay in bed at night wondering what my husband would look like, where he was at that moment, what his name was... now I'm wondering all of these things about the woman who will carry my child.

We have already started the ball rolling - we have a lawyer, and agency, and a new IVF center that will be doing the transfer (and an additional "egg-gathering" cycle just in case our frozen embryo decides not to take), and now we wait to get matched. When we were going through all of our miscarriage issues, I never really felt alone. Even doing IVF, my close friend had gone through it (successfully) herself. But now... I feel like I look around and all I see are celebrities and tumbleweeds.

I need a buddy, someone that I can ask questions to, who is using an unknown GC and must trust this stranger with her most precious, treasured dream. I promise to be an active-supporter on here, and I look forward to getting to know each of you.

Thank-you!!!

lincoln79 · October 2013

what auspicious timing, there are two others of us that are just starting on the GC journey (jalara and myself).

i know what you mean about grieving a loss of my woman-ness.

hugs

ArgyleBride · October 2013

Welcome to the board! In addition to the people getting started on the GS path, there are at least two ladies on here that are carrying as GS's. I hope you find lots of answers and support here, and that you have a match and your child soon!

ETA: Not sure why I went with GS=gestational surrogate instead of GC=gestational carrier. I don't actually know whether one is preferred lingo--anyone?

Edit *again* b/c I didn't introduce myself--I am an egg donor, cycling for the first time right now. Well, sort of first time, as I have never yet gotten as far as injections but I did start a cycle previously for a couple who dropped out.

happywifemomofone · October 2013

Welcome to the group and glad that you have found us here. No experience with GC/GS, but I think that I might be able to answer what the difference is for Argyle.....someone tell me if I am wrong, it's early on a Monday yet. With GS, use surrogate's egg and husband's sperm, with GC, use both members of the couple's DNA? Is that correct?.....trying to be helpful, but GC/GS is a learning curve for those of us with no experience. I am currently expecting after using a ED.

Mama-Bear · October 2013

Happywife, I think you're confusing GS with TS (gestational vs. traditional surrogate). There's absolutely no difference between GS/GC, it's just a difference of preference of terminology (surrogate or carrier), they can be used interchangeably. A TS uses her own egg (sometimes with an ER and IVF, sometimes with IUI at the RE's office, sometimes with home insems), and either a SD or the IF's sperm. A GS/GC has NO genetic link to the child, you still have the same sperm options as you do with a TS (IF or SD) and either an ED or IM's eggs.

You're right though there is a learning curve, surrogacy is such a huge process with so many different details. It took me 14m from the time DH and I started looking to find the right match. We were just talking yesterday about how I definitely needed a good chunk of that time to really learn (learn what was common, what I wanted in IP's, what was important to me in our contract, what I wanted for during/after). If you read surrogacy boards the catch phrase you'll come across more and more is "hurry up and wait", it's really what the beginning stages of surrogacy are about, it's a long process and if you rush into it, it will often not have as happy of an outcome as it could (yes often times the IP's will have a baby 12+m later, but you want to have a great relationship with the other party as to be as included and comfortable as possible)

There are 2 great surrogacy boards I recommend, Josiecat I'm sorry I forgot to include these in our message:
SMO: surromomsonline.com
This is a HUGE site. You'll find so much info on this site. I will say that this board can be a bit snarky though it seems like some of the snark has slowed greatly in the past year or so. You can also search the classifieds if you want to match without the help of an agency.

AAS: allaboutsurrogacy.com
This is also a nice sized site but not quite as large as SMO. It's less snarky (probably because of the smaller size). This is where I would recommend asking questions at first. There's also a classifieds section on this site.

Good luck to everyone turning to surrogacy to grow your family, I hope you have a beautiful baby of your own to hold very soon. *From the time my IP's and I had our first phone call until they held their baby was about 13.5m (had our first phone call at the end of March, medical clearance from their RE in June, transferred 8/18, beautiful baby born 5/13). I just want to assure you all that a surrogate takes her duty very seriously. I didn't feel as though I was an employee (and wasn't treated as such), but I had a very important job to do, I was to give a couple's biggest hope and dream the very best start I could for the first 9m of his life. I can't imagine the fear of IP's not knowing what's happening with their baby (and my IP's live 5-6 hours away) they had to put all of their trust in me that I was taking care of their baby and I was very understanding in the little bit of control they had so I tried to keep them as "in the loop" as possible.

Wow, that ended up being a lot more than I'd planned on replying with.

KateBee · October 2013

I just wrote Jalara, but I'm currently 7w2d via GS and would be happy to talk to you about any questions. Please feel free to contact me!

Josiecat · October 2013

Thank-you for your replies!!!! Mama-Bear, thank-you so much for all the recommendations, I am going to be checking out those sites. And I had no idea there was no difference between "gestational surrogate" and "gestational carrier"... goes to show how much I know!

Again, I'm so happy I have found everyone here, today was the first day I have made emotional progress.

MrsT4 · October 2013

Welcome to TPR! I'm sorry that you find yourself here, but the ladies here are awesome, so again welcome!!

Want a personalized experience?

Introduction/using a GC

Re: Introduction/using a GC

Choose Another Board

Search Boards