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Speaking of IL vents...

MickeyM04MickeyM04 member
in Parenting after a Loss

Does anyone else have IL's who show ZERO interest in their grandchild?  DS is the first grandchild on both sides, but you would never know it from my IL's.  They never call, never ask to FaceTime (unless they have company and want to show DS off, then they call 4 times in one weekend asking to FaceTime so everyone else can see DS).  They never visit.  They never ask to visit.  They don't send gifts or cards or acknowledgements.  They came after DS was born and brought nothing for him...no baby blanket, no teddy bear, nothing.  He got his first gift from them for Chanukah when he was 8 months old.  When they call to talk to DH (twice a month), they ask briefly how DS is and that's the end of it. 

I hate my IL's, so honestly this is all well and good on my end, but I'm kind of offended on DS's behalf, like how can they not LOVE this kid and be all up in his business?  And I am also pissed because DH is devastated that his parents are such crappy grandparents and will clearly have no involvement in DS's life. 

Can anyone relate to this at all?

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Re: Speaking of IL vents...

  • charmedgrl517charmedgrl517 member
    Yes I feel the same way. Dhs parents live 5 min away and we see them 1-2 a month. We barely go there due mainly to her smoking and because by the time I get home from work its time to eat dinner and get DD ready for bed. It does bother me for DDs sake but also feel its their loss since DD has so much involvement from my family. I wonder how DD will think about them as she gets older.

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  • ProfessorPedals825ProfessorPedals825 member

    YES!  It's so weird!  Here's my story:

    FIL came to visit this past weekend, and DH said he wanted to see the baby.  Well he showed up Friday during the day since DH doesn't go to school, and they went to play golf.  Phoebe was in daycare, but I thought they'd pick her up early so he could see her.  Nope, they went to get some beers and dinner by themselves.  I picked her up and we did our normal evening thing like he wasn't even in town. When they did show up DH handed her to him and asked him to give her a bottle.  Good, glad DH stepped up to force the issue.  But then he just sits there awkwardly holding her while she looks like she's going to slip off his lap and he watches more tv.  Really?!  No, cuddling or holding her close or even looking at her?!  He even said is she done?  Well, why don't you look at her and you can tell if she wants more.  I took her from him to burp her because he just looked too awkward to do it.  Then the next day, they planned to go play frisbee golf.  I had to invite myself along and there was some hesitation.  Well, it's hot outside, are you sure she'll be okay in the carrier?  Yes, it's fine.  So we went with and again, he doesn't even look in her direction.  Then we all went to have lunch and he left from there.  WTF?!  If I didn't invite myself along then you weren't even going to see her today before you left?  It was all just weird.

    That's just him though, my mother and MIL (not married to FIL) both call all the time, tell me they miss her, ask for pictures constantly.  Even MIL's husband is all in Phoebe's face, always wanting to hold her, asking to be called PahPah.  I say yes to this because apparently he's the only one that wants to be a loving grandfather to her.

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    BFP#1 3/8/12; diagnosed w/ Anencephaly at 12w6d; D&C 5/9/12
    BFP#2 7/18/12; A/S 10/26/12 It's a Girl! EDD 3/29/13
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  • MickeyM04MickeyM04 member

    Argh!    I'm glad to hear these other stories in the sense it's nice to know I'm not alone but also it makes me sad.  I just don't get how you don't care about your grandchildren. 

    With regard to what everyone else is saying about maybe they aren't good with babies/toddlers, that could be the case because they are always saying things about how they wish he would be more "fun" or how they're glad he's more "fun" now than he was when he was a "boring baby."  But I kind of feel like you can't pick and choose.  Like either you want to be involved with my kid or you don't.  You don't get to be a stranger for 3 years and then be like, "Oh you're a fun little kid now, let's have a relationship!"  That's not unconditional love IMHO.  Plus DS is a super fun, easy going little guy.  He's never been fussy or difficult.  So it's like WTF is the problem, you know?  I just get so mad!  Probably unnecessarily, but what can I say.  I'm kind of a B!tch.

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers 
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers 

    BFP #1 6/28/11 ~ EDD 3/7/12 ~ m/c 7/15/11 at 6w2d
    BFP #2 8/29/11 ~ EDD 5/12/12. 4/25/12: Our take home baby is here!
     BFP #3 8/27/13 ~ EDD 5/11/14.  4/27/14:  Our second take home baby is here!

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