Support? Advice? Reassurance?

jennkg3 · September 2013

I have a two year old and a 3 mo. My husband hasn't been much support or help and since my little guys was born he just works and drinks. We'll this past weekend he decided to just pack and leave and has been gone for 4 days. I have a college education but I'm stay at home. I'm done I don't deserve this. I'm scared. I personally have no income and no one to watch my kids during the day. I'm not even sure what to do I obviously can't afford daycare on my own before I would get money and can't get a job if I have two kids with me, I'm strong I know I can do anything. I'm just looking for advice, reassurance, words of wisdom Tia.

Monkeybird84 · September 2013

First, I'm so sorry that you've been put in this situation. That said, do you have any family or friends near you who would be willing to help out so you can get on your feet? Also, get a lawyer and file ASAP, if you haven't already. And look into public assistance (food stamps, cash assistance, WIC), all those programs exist to help people who can't do it alone until they can support themselves.

mamaHippo23 · October 2013

Have you had any contact with your husband? Do you have reason to think he doesn't intend to come back? Either way, his recent behavior is not something you deserve to live with. In my experience, being a single parent is preferable to being stuck with a inconsiderate, selfish partner. It is very scary in the beginning, but slowly you will start to feel more in control and eventually embrace your new independence.

Definitely start with consulting a lawyer. They can tell you exactly how to proceed and what your rights are. Do you have family and close friends you can confide in about your situation? Reach out to loved ones and explain what happened so they understand how to help/ support you.

If you don't have people to babysit, start checking around for affordable options. In-home daycares, church preschools, and Parents Day Out programs tend to be cheaper than a daycare center. Even if you can only pay for a few weeks right now, that gives you enough time to look for employment. Once I found decent child care, it was easier to look for a job, focus on school, find us a place to live, and basically put our lives together.

You can do it! One day at a time!

20thirteen · October 2013

If you know that your husband is not coming back ever, or if he does plan to come back but you choose to kick him out:

Google search "subsidized child care + [your state]" and apply for assistance. That's how I got it, with no income you will probably get dirt cheap child care from the center of your choice. Apply for WIC and also apply for All Kids insurance (www.allkidscovered.com) which will give your kids health insurance for as low as $20/mo (for both kids).

Do you think your husband will pay for CS or do you think he's the kind of dirtbag that will fight having to pay? Regardless, like the previous posters said, get a lawyer. Some out there will do this pro bono, you just have to look around, maybe even give them an idea of what your situation is. In some states, if the BD does not pay CS even though there is a CO for him to do so, he could risk jailtime.

In life, anything is possible. You just have to believe that you can do it. We believe you can, do you? Be strong and be the best mother and role model that you can be. You will be great! So much love and good vibes sent your way!

jennkg3 · October 2013

Thanks everyone! We are living apart currently...time to think. I'm not sure where this will go. Part of me wants to be done and the other part thinks if he is will Ing to go to therapy we should try for the kids ugh! One day at a time! Thanks ladies!

jennkg3 · October 2013

I feel like it doesn't matter if he works on it, I want to be done and that makes me feel selfish for the kids but proud of myself at the same time.

inthelost · October 2013

I'm sorry that you're in this situaation. I just wanted to echo the assistance thing and I hope it works out for you. You can do it!

jennkg3 · October 2013

I guess he wants to try to make it work and has a greed to therapy he isn't staying here (at my request). I never took my interpreter license so I'm taking this time to look into that and possibly take that test. I'm about done but I feel like if he's willing to try for the sake of our family I should give it a chance.

Support? Advice? Reassurance?

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