Weaning a toddler

Ginny0211 · September 2013

Any success stories on weaning a toddler and/or experiences with toddlers loosing interest once you became pregnant?

My DD is almost two and I'm ready to wean but she does not seem remotely ready and is actually asking for it more and becoming possessive of her "milky". She grabs at my shirt and will tell people "my milky!" I'm usually able to redirect her during the day but most days include at least one tantrum because she wants to nurse and I can't at the time. I have successfully night weaned her but she will not drop the nap and bed time nursing sessions. I tried talking to her about no more "milky" one day and she lost it.... I'm really hoping she will loose interest once I become pregnant since I have read it changes the milk and supply.... I just really need to hear some successful gentle weaning stories right now...

Emerald27 · September 2013

I am still nursing DS, so I don't have a story to share, but I do have some tips.

Many moms find that identifying the most important time of day (to their child) to nurse and saving that for the last session to drop, is a helpful way to order dropped feedings. It's also recommended to drop one feeding at a time, once a week (minimum!).

Eliminating feedings is most gentle and loving when done gradually, and this can be accomplished in many ways. One common method is to delay a feeding by several minutes, and a little longer each day, until it blends with another feeding and disappears altogether. A fun or yummy alternative when the toddler is asked to wait can really help make this easier. Some mothers find that if the toddler doesn't want an alternative, saying the milky is napping (or whatever they understand) or telling them that at a certain time (e.g. In 20 minutes) they can nurse, and then following through, helps.

A second common method is to make the duration of the feeding you're trying to drop shorter and shorter, until it disappears from the daily routine. So if she likes to nurse every morning when she wakes up, she could nurse for five minutes, then four, then three, then until you've finished singing a song or counting up to a certain number (and each day you can sing/count faster until the feeding disappears).

It is very likely that since your LO only nurses a couple times a day, she will wean when you're pregnant. The milk becomes more salty and often there is a supply drop associated with hormonal changes. Some LOs don't mind the changes and continue nursing with gusto, but if you're encouraging her to wean, that will be to your advantage.

It is important to remember when weaning to take extra time to snuggle and offer lots of non-nursing affection. Babies really do associate nursing with love, and it's easy to let the business of life take us through the day without stopping for snuggles when we're not having to stop to nurse. LO will need to learn that nursing and love aren't exclusive, and that there are lots of ways mommy shows her love.

Best of luck! Weaning is really hard on everyone.

Ginny0211 · September 2013

Emerald27 said:
I am still nursing DS, so I don't have a story to share, but I do have some tips.

Many moms find that identifying the most important time of day (to their child) to nurse and saving that for the last session to drop, is a helpful way to order dropped feedings. It's also recommended to drop one feeding at a time, once a week (minimum!).

Eliminating feedings is most gentle and loving when done gradually, and this can be accomplished in many ways. One common method is to delay a feeding by several minutes, and a little longer each day, until it blends with another feeding and disappears altogether. A fun or yummy alternative when the toddler is asked to wait can really help make this easier. Some mothers find that if the toddler doesn't want an alternative, saying the milky is napping (or whatever they understand) or telling them that at a certain time (e.g. In 20 minutes) they can nurse, and then following through, helps.

A second common method is to make the duration of the feeding you're trying to drop shorter and shorter, until it disappears from the daily routine. So if she likes to nurse every morning when she wakes up, she could nurse for five minutes, then four, then three, then until you've finished singing a song or counting up to a certain number (and each day you can sing/count faster until the feeding disappears).

It is very likely that since your LO only nurses a couple times a day, she will wean when you're pregnant. The milk becomes more salty and often there is a supply drop associated with hormonal changes. Some LOs don't mind the changes and continue nursing with gusto, but if you're encouraging her to wean, that will be to your advantage.

It is important to remember when weaning to take extra time to snuggle and offer lots of non-nursing affection. Babies really do associate nursing with love, and it's easy to let the business of life take us through the day without stopping for snuggles when we're not having to stop to nurse. LO will need to learn that nursing and love aren't exclusive, and that there are lots of ways mommy shows her love.

Best of luck! Weaning is really hard on everyone.

Thanks for the tips! I appreciate it.

I really imagined her just weaning herself. I thought by the second birthday she would of lost interest by now. But she is asking more now than she was months ago. Most days she nurses 4-5 times a day and that is with me saying no most of the times she asks during the day and redirecting. She won't accept any alternative for nap and bed. I say I'm done but I'm not done enough to wean her with it being hard on her. Just hoping with pregnancy or a very gentle nudge she will start loosing interest. I just want to start in the direction of weaning because right now it feels the opposite.

All this said I have feeling I'm going to cry when she really does wean.

nosoup4u · September 2013

I would distract DS1 by giving him a small cookie (like animal toers size), and then we'd do something really! exciting! Offering food or drink can work, sometimes they are actually hungry/thirsty. Having a designated nursing spot is good, too.

Be patient! I dropped one session at a time w both mine, but it took months. And nursing to sleep were the last ones both of them dropped. I did don't offer/don't refuse for nursing to sleep sessions, and DS1 eventually accepted singing and hugs instead. DS2 was harder to wean, but he did.

Oasismomma · September 2013

I can't help you with toddlers losing interest during pregnancy, because even though all my friends told me it would happen, DS is still happily nursing at least once a day. In my first trimester, his nursing requests spiked, but they seem to have leveled out and are VERY SLOWLY starting to diminish.

His favorite time to nurse is first thing in the morning and that's the one he never misses. We weaned him off the bedtime feedings by changing the routine and having his dad read his stories and put him to bed. He now goes to sleep without nursing, no problem.

If he asks to nurse during the day, I try to figure out "why" first. I ask him if he's thirsty and if he'd like his cup instead. He will often take that option, or ask for a snack, or he just wants me to play with him. If he really needs the comfort, I happily nurse.

In the last few months, I've told him that we only nurse either on the couch in the living room or in the bedroom upstairs. That has cut down on nursing requests out of the house, which were getting to be cumbersome with my growing belly.

URMySunshine77 · October 2013

Oasismomma said:

I can't help you with toddlers losing interest during pregnancy, because even though all my friends told me it would happen, DS is still happily nursing at least once a day. In my first trimester, his nursing requests spiked, but they seem to have leveled out and are VERY SLOWLY starting to diminish.

His favorite time to nurse is first thing in the morning and that's the one he never misses. We weaned him off the bedtime feedings by changing the routine and having his dad read his stories and put him to bed. He now goes to sleep without nursing, no problem.

If he asks to nurse during the day, I try to figure out "why" first. I ask him if he's thirsty and if he'd like his cup instead. He will often take that option, or ask for a snack, or he just wants me to play with him. If he really needs the comfort, I happily nurse.

In the last few months, I've told him that we only nurse either on the couch in the living room or in the bedroom upstairs. That has cut down on nursing requests out of the house, which were getting to be cumbersome with my growing belly.

@Oasismomma,

I have a quick question for you. I told my OB/GYN that I wanted to try to conceive while BFing. However, she said that her concern was that I would leak constantly if I was nursing when I got pregnant. Did you find this to be true? My son is 8 months, and I'd like to nurse as long as possible. (I realize that not everyone can conceive while nursing.)

Thanks for any info!

rae_dylanzmom · October 2013

I tried everything on this thread... shorter sessions, restricting to couch and bed... and every time we took a trip (we travel a lot) it was like starting over.

After of months of the gentle, slow approach (and at least one MC), I realized that it wasn't working for us. I think DS was more confused than anything by an approach that wasn't consistent enough (sometimes yes, sometimes no, without really understanding why) and my body couldn't seem to tolerate pregnancy and BFing.

So.... just this past week, with my DH and mother around, I went cold turkey. Distraction is a method lots of people recommend, but what I found really worked for us was lots of talks about how I understood DS wanted milkies, but that the milk/boobies were broken, closed, etc. To me, his tantrums sounded like him screaming, "you're not listening to me!" I found that empathy and hearing his request was heard was what DS really needed to get over the tantrums.

It did take a couple days of tantrums, but I am back to putting DS down now without nursing, and my boobs are not so full anymore. Lots of hugs. And lots of milk. He never really drank much before, and I think he put away a whole gallon in the last few days.

GL!

boogerbearoriginal · October 2013

URMySunshine77 said:

@Oasismomma,

I have a quick question for you. I told my OB/GYN that I wanted to try to conceive while BFing. However, she said that her concern was that I would leak constantly if I was nursing when I got pregnant. Did you find this to be true? My son is 8 months, and I'd like to nurse as long as possible. (I realize that not everyone can conceive while nursing.)

Thanks for any info!

Not Oasis, but I am 20w pg and nursing my 2yr old. Never leaked once, and I have read lots about nursing while pg and never heard that to be a concern. If anything, most women end up drying up during pg, not with oversupply, so I'm not sure she knows what she's talking about.

I highly recommend going to LLL's site and buying Adventures in Tandem Nursing, excellent book covers everything from pg through newborn and older with nursing two (or more) kiddos. Amazon sells it for weirdly outrageous prices.

If LO is only 8m, you may want to wait to conceive (not sure what your plan is or whether you're even ovulating yet) because most women notice supply drops very early and it's hormonally driven so there's no way to stop it. Your baby will need milk until 1yr minimum, if you get pg/lose supply before then you'll have to supplement w/ formula - just something to think about.

Oasismomma · October 2013

URMySunshine77Booger+Bear said. I never had an issue with leakage, even when my milk first came in, but it really hasn't been a problem during this pregnancy.

Adventures in Tandem Nursing is a great resource.

rae_dylanzmom · October 2013

I just weaned my 2.5 y/o a couple of weeks ago. At an older age, I found the method of explaining to him that my boobies were broken/unavailable/no-more-milk was a better approach for us than the distraction strategies lots of people use.

I did notice my LO is drinking a ton more milk, and his sippy cup is important to him. Also, lots of huggies. We have a big, long hug last thing before he lays down in bed.

FWIW, I will say the weaning finally started to happen when I decided I really wanted to do it. It really didn't work out when I was on the fence about it.

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