How to tell SIL about pregnancy?

mom2be614 · October 2013

This question is especially for those of you who've been dealing with infertility. My brother and sister-in-law have been trying to get pregnant for over a year and a half and are in the first rounds of infertility testing and treatment. We're waiting to tell our siblings until after the first trimester since I had an early m/c before, but I'm already thinking about how to be sensitive in sharing this news with my SIL. She'll be happy for us, but I know it will hurt, too. (I remember how much it hurt to hear of others' pregnancies after my m/c.)

We're not doing a big reveal or anything, and I plan to talk with all of our family and close friends privately before doing the FB thing. Beyond that, how would you have liked to hear this news?

MrsBHM · October 2013

I know it seems a little distant, but perhaps over the phone? That way she has time to get out any mixed emotions and doesn't have to jump right into being overjoyed for you and your hubby. Not that she won't be overjoyed but sometimes finding out that others are pregnant when you are on your own journey can be painful. My best friend found out that she was pregnant just a few weeks after I had a miscarriage and told me over the phone. Although I was thrilled for her, I was still hurting and having those "why me" thoughts and I was able to hang up the phone, be sad for a hot minute and then move on to being thrilled for my best friend. Good luck to you!

SandyD83 · October 2013

Have you thought about talking with your brother and having him talk with her privately? That sort of approach would definitely depend upon how close you are with your SIL, but in my family in this kind of situation it would be the least awkward for me to talk with either of my siblings and have them tell their spouses so they could process their emotions privately.

ricecakes1216 · October 2013

It is really sweet of you to think of you SIL. I agree with PP that you should do it over the phone. It took us 13 months to get pregnant first and then I had an early loss and now a year and a half later we are finally pregnant again. I thought a lot about how I would want my siblings to tell me if they were to get pregnant during that time. I would have wanted them to tell me over the phone. It would allow me to tell them how excited for them I would have been at the same time allowing me to be sad for myself without thinking about how my body language or facial expression would read. Definitely don't let them find out from someone else, that would be really hurtful.

I know that I am debating how to tell my sister our news because we are living with her while we wait for our house to close and she is having TTC. I know that she will be excited because she knows our story but I want her to know that it is fine to be sad for her and BIL.

Sorry that this got long. I really think its awesome that you are thinking of them. Best of luck.

Unknown · October 2013

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twistsandturnsto2 · October 2013

I agree with pp, depending on how close you are an email or phone call would be best. That way they can process their feelings and reactions privately. And if you can let them know before she is blindsided by a family member, that is always the worst feeling.
The testing phase of my IF journey was when I was the most sensitive about all things baby. It's so thoughtful of you to think of their feelings! I do want to add, don't discount your brothers feelings. I know my H for one was as sensitive, if not more at times, about our TTC troubles.

curlylocks3 · October 2013

Personally, I'd prefer an email. I know my BFF thought she was being kind to give me a personal phone call but I was trying so hard not to cry that I was way more focused on that (and on her not knowing I was upset) that I barely could listen to what she was saying. So my vote is email, with an explanation of why its in an email. Thats the approach we're going to take in telling my SIL who is now CFNBC.

mom2be614 · October 2013

Thank you all for the feedback. It's really helpful!

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