Scared of giving birth!

Sscarolynedvx · October 2013

I am 21weeks today and all I can think of how is it going to be when I give birth!!! Is the epidural going to hurt? If I will be able to handle the pain? I just dont want to be in labor for hours, I know a person that stayed in labor for over 3 days. Any advice? Anyone here scared of the big day?

Kendra Beam · October 2013

I'm super scared too, especially now that I'm in the second half of my pregnancy. I'm told it's not as bad as some people make it out to be, so I'm pinning all my hopes on that!

CarynJeanG · October 2013

Every labor is different. Mine sucked 36 hours but my bf labor was like 10 minutes. I honestly think that all the pain is worth it and you will go through anything you need to and you will have the greatest reward in the world! A new baby!

Kendra Beam · October 2013

You can be in labor for days, even weeks without being in active labor right? My mother-in-law said she was in labor for a month...like having contractions but not dilated enough to give birth. Is that what this person meant?

CarynJeanG · October 2013

@ kendra beam Are you referring to me?

I was in active labor... In a hospital for 36 hours.

iwubrory · October 2013

My epidural didn't hurt at all. I won't sugar coat labor though, it sucks. What was indescribably painful were the contractions prior to getting the epi. It was absolutely amazing how much better I was after getting it. I didn't feel the contractions at all when 30 minutes prior I was throwing up because of the pain. I was induced and had pitocin which I've heard makes contractions more painful but I have no idea if that's actually true.

Bottom line, it freaking hurts. In the end it goes by pretty fast and you forget about what the pain actually feels like super quickly (at least I did). It's totally worth it... so worth it, I'm doing it again.

Kendra Beam · October 2013

CarynJeanG said:

@ kendra beam Are you referring to me? I was in active labor... In a hospital for 36 hours.

No ma'am, I was talking about the woman she referred to in her original post who was in labor for 3 days.

mdr619 · October 2013

I'm scared of the pain, no doubt. But I think a lot of it is fear of the unknown. I have endometriosis, so I've always had incredibly painful cramps. I can't imagine what labor will be like. I have to just assume it is like my horrid period cramps, but 5 million times worse...and that is what scares me the most.

ocmommy2B · October 2013

even though its unknown territory for me being a FTM, im not scared...i mean, i know its gonna hurt like shit especially because i plan to go naturally but i dunno, im just not scared. Im due at the end of February...ask me again around then though! haha

Sscarolynedvx · October 2013

@iwubrory how long you waited til u asked for an epidural?
Do you ask for it or they just decide when its a good time for you to take an epidural?
My sister was in labor for 12 hours in the other hand my oldest sister said she was in labor for 4 hours and was only 2 pushes, I hope it goes smooth for me... freaking out already!!

JordyInIndy · October 2013

OP, if you haven't already signed up for a birthing class I'd recommend it. There really is no telling how your actual labor and delivery will go but having a class or two under your belt won't hurt. You will get great laboring tips and tricks.

For me the epidural didn't hurt. It was a very welcomed relief from the pain. It did stall my labor for a bit so i want to try to labor a while longer before getting it this time. Also, I had a super textbook labor and delivery. Water broke at 9:00am and DD was born at 8:50 PM. I pushed through 3 contractions and it took only 16 minutes to deliver her. I know the horror stories stick out but it's not all so bad. Plus, like Car said the other day, it's all worth it in the end to be able to have that squishy baby in your arms. You and your body will heal!

JordyInIndy · October 2013

Sscarolynedvx said:
@iwubrory how long you waited til u asked for an epidural?
Do you ask for it or they just decide when its a good time for you to take an epidural?
My sister was in labor for 12 hours in the other hand my oldest sister said she was in labor for 4 hours and was only 2 pushes, I hope it goes smooth for me... freaking out already!!

You can ask for it.

iwubrory · October 2013

@Sscarolyedvx I asked for it. I have no idea now how long it was before I got it but it was long enough. I do know I was only dilated to a 3. Some women walk around for weeks dilated to a 3 and aren't in active labor, so it varies greatly. I was closed up tight, not dilated at all when I started being induced. I really felt like I was going to end up with a c-section.

Weber22 · October 2013

Thank god for epidurals !!! The contractions prior to getting the epidural were very painful . I was in active labour for 10 hours but he was stuck so I ended up having a c section . The recovery was very painful . But I must be over it as I'm doing it all again !!! You just have to think of the outcome and holding that precious baby in your arms . It's all worth it in the end . :-)

micaelasmakeup · October 2013

I really was scared bad the first time but it just happens and it's hurts but it's so in the moment and then it's over.
Even when you break a bone it hurts when it happens and then for weeks after. Well labor hurts for hours and then it's over.

mamacrunch · October 2013

iwubrory said:

@Sscarolyedvx I asked for it. I have no idea now how long it was before I got it but it was long enough. I do know I was only dilated to a 3. Some women walk around for weeks dilated to a 3 and aren't in active labor, so it varies greatly. I was closed up tight, not dilated at all when I started being induced. I really felt like I was going to end up with a c-section.

I was a 4 for 3-4 weeks. It was not considered active labor, because I didn't have consistent contrax.

Honestly you are going to be in pain, but you are not going to care or be majorly worried about it then.

applejacks3232 · October 2013

The good thing about labor is that you get a baby out of it. The bad part is everything else. My advice would be to be calm and take some labor classes (Lamaze or whatever you can find!) to help learn some coping mechanisms for the pain and some distraction methods. Epidurals don't hurt, they look a lot scarier than they feel. I was in active labor for a long, long time, more than 2 days, and it sucked, but I'd do it again, for twice as long, if I had to. It's a 'labor' of love, just remember that.

iwubrory · October 2013

mamacrunch said:

iwubrory said:

@Sscarolyedvx I asked for it. I have no idea now how long it was before I got it but it was long enough. I do know I was only dilated to a 3. Some women walk around for weeks dilated to a 3 and aren't in active labor, so it varies greatly. I was closed up tight, not dilated at all when I started being induced. I really felt like I was going to end up with a c-section.

I was a 4 for 3-4 weeks. It was not considered active labor, because I didn't have consistent contrax.

Honestly you are going to be in pain, but you are not going to care or be majorly worried about it then.

@mamacrunch Just curious, were you just providing an example of what I mentioned? Since I said people walk around for weeks dilated and aren't in active labor. Or maybe just pointing out that you can be dilated even more than a 3 and still not be in active labor?

mamacrunch · October 2013

iwubrory said:

mamacrunch said:

iwubrory said:

@Sscarolyedvx I asked for it. I have no idea now how long it was before I got it but it was long enough. I do know I was only dilated to a 3. Some women walk around for weeks dilated to a 3 and aren't in active labor, so it varies greatly. I was closed up tight, not dilated at all when I started being induced. I really felt like I was going to end up with a c-section.

I was a 4 for 3-4 weeks. It was not considered active labor, because I didn't have consistent contrax.

Honestly you are going to be in pain, but you are not going to care or be majorly worried about it then.

@mamacrunch Just curious, were you just providing an example of what I mentioned? Since I said people walk around for weeks dilated and aren't in active labor. Or maybe just pointing out that you can be dilated even more than a 3 and still not be in active labor?

This pointing out that when I hit 4 I was so excited and thought hell yea, this baby is coming for many many freaking NST to be told,your cervix is ready, but you're not contracting. Go home and come back when you are in active labor.

You see I had this the book WTE and thebump and the internet period all saying 4 meant active labor, but my doctor kept telling me no hone active labor is contractions.

iwubrory · October 2013

mamacrunch said:

iwubrory said:

@mamacrunch Just curious, were you just providing an example of what I mentioned? Since I said people walk around for weeks dilated and aren't in active labor. Or maybe just pointing out that you can be dilated even more than a 3 and still not be in active labor?

This pointing out that when I hit 4 I was so excited and thought hell yea, this baby is coming for many many freaking NST to be told,your cervix is ready, but you're not contracting. Go home and come back when you are in active labor.

You see I had this the book WTE and thebump and the internet period all saying 4 meant active labor, but my doctor kept telling me no hone active labor is contractions.

It is so crazy how different experiences can be. I was two weeks late and nothing. I would have been super antsy knowing I was dilated to a 4!

mamacrunch · October 2013

iwubrory said:

mamacrunch said:

iwubrory said:

@mamacrunch Just curious, were you just providing an example of what I mentioned? Since I said people walk around for weeks dilated and aren't in active labor. Or maybe just pointing out that you can be dilated even more than a 3 and still not be in active labor?

This pointing out that when I hit 4 I was so excited and thought hell yea, this baby is coming for many many freaking NST to be told,your cervix is ready, but you're not contracting. Go home and come back when you are in active labor.

You see I had this the book WTE and thebump and the internet period all saying 4 meant active labor, but my doctor kept telling me no hone active labor is contractions.

It is so crazy how different experiences can be. I was two weeks late and nothing. I would have been super antsy knowing I was dilated to a 4!

Let me tell you I walked my ass off, road down every bumpy road. I was 36 weeks and not really ready, but I was dilating and my 8+ was putting so much pressure on my vag, every sneeze felt like he was going to fall out.

I was scared and wanted to get my baby out, because in my head, he was not safe inside of me.

questisthebest · October 2013

I'm also nervous about the pain. Since I plan on giving birth at home, I won't have the option of an epidural and have to rely on other techniques of managing pain. But, my experience will be my own so I can't necessarily go off the experiences of other moms to know what it will be like, and i'm trying not to let it scare me.

WookieesCookies · October 2013

I have been thinking about this too. Just based off of my own experience last time, I don't want it to be that hard again. I'm frightened thinking about the pushing and just hoping it's easier this time.

Catpekm · October 2013

Well I am not a Ftm, this is out 6th. But, I have had 3 c sections and 2 homebirths, ( don't worry not pushing homebirth ). My first was a horrible painful induction, ( no epidural, personal choice ) ended with a section because of a posterior baby. 2 more repeats because I was an idiot. Then two wonderful homebirths, one at 41 weeks 3 days that lasted 6 hours and one at 43 weeks 2 days lasting 26 minutes ( the quicker one was intense). My advice, read. Read everything you can empowering birth. While I don't believe in drugs during labor if you do, learn about them. Learn about c sections because we never know how it will go. Learn all you can. Fear is in the unknown. We were built for this. Less than 4% of women actually have problems having a child, meaning it won't fit through pelvis and such.

C12H22O11 · October 2013

I have endo and I thought labor would feel like my horrid cramps, but worse. Honestly, it's a type of pain I've never felt before. My contractions were totally bearable until they gave me pitocin. I asked for an epi within an hour of them starting my pitocin drip. The epi insertion didn't hurt at all, just a little pressure. My epi was so effective, I couldn't really tell if I was pushing well. This time around, I'm going to try and go sans painkillers or epi, which I feel pretty confident about so long as they don't need to give me pitocin again. Birth is nothing to be scared of - your body was meant to do this!! Honestly, I can't really remember anything about that day except how perfect DS was and how surreal it was to know he had just been inside me.

AshandThree · October 2013

I am a STM, but I had a C-section with my first, so my experience with labor is limited. I'm rallying for a VBAC with this one, and I share some of your fears, but there are a few things I try to keep focusing on when I wonder how much pain to expect.

1. I was also dilated to 4.5 cm by 38 weeks without a regular contraction pattern. Basically, that means I was halfway there without pain (although every labor and every woman are different, and this may not be true this time around, I find it helpful to think that I could be walking around and making progress without realizing it!)

2. I had a fall at 32 weeks and the contractions I was having were of enough concern to the doctors to admit me and keep me for 4 days. I could see them on the monitor every time I had one, and the nurses would all come running, but some I barely felt and the strongest ones that everyone was concerned about felt tight but not painful. I could read and watch TV through all of them. Again, this may be naive, but at the moment it's helping to ease some fear.

I would also gently suggest that you seem to have a lot of questions about the process and expectations, and although asking other moms will give you anecdotal info, you might benefit from a class and some reading. Understanding the complete physiological process may help you prepare.

Last suggestion... look into a doula. I hired one for this birth, and it's like having a friend who's given birth 500 times there with you the whole way. Someone to answer questions, support you, and guide you through the process is never a bad thing. I love my hubby, but seeing me in pain is going to freak him out, and I don't want to have to focus on 'being strong' for him. Our doula is also helping to prepare HIM to watch me go through this and provide support. I can't say enough good things about how much better I feel knowing Jess will be with me the whole time.

marriott09 · October 2013

I am a FTM and I don't think I am scared. I am more nervous because I am not sure what to expect. Every mom I've talked to says different things about labor. I'm just going into it knowing it will hurt, knowing its going to suck, but also knowing it will not last forever! Plus as soon as I hold my sweet boy it won't even matter.

calimama2007 · October 2013

IMO the worst thing you can be is scared, I was totally unprepared mental w DD and it did not go well. I highly recommend the dr sears birth book and Ina may gaskin's guide to natural childbirth-- even if you are certain you will use an epidural, these books are really helpful to keep things in perspective and help you relax, IMO!

kathegreat · October 2013

Labor is different for every single mother but it isn't something to be afraid of, although the unknown is quite frightening. The best way to calm your nerves is find a good Lamaze class, several weeks long and not just the hospital's birthing class. The hospitals birthing class while valuable tells you more about how they do labor according to their policies and procedures rather than all the different options out there. Bottom line is that it is your body and you get to choose what things you want or don't want (pitocin, epidurals, etc.).
All of our bodies are made to handle Pregnancy, Labor, and Delivery! It is incredibly reassuring to me to remember that. Remember that you should do what you are most comfortable with, it is still your body, and your birth experience should be the way you want it to be. If Mama is happy Baby will be happy and I have seen that with every single Labor I have helped with and observed. But seriously Lamaze classes, it is way less scary and unknown when you've been taught what to expect. The only reason I'm not freaking out is because I have a L&D nurse as a Mom and I work L&D myself.

calimama2007 · October 2013

I also really liked the hypnobirthing book, eventhough we didn't do classes, etc. it gives some relaxation tools

thusain7712 · October 2013

I'm certain you have heard this a million times...but it cant be that bad if we keep doing it, right? you really do forget all the hell you have gone through the second you lay eyes on your LO. they are the most amazing wonderful creatures on earth!

i went from "I will never ever have another baby" to an hour after holding my first i said "omg can i have like ten of these things?" TRUE STORY.

motherhood is amazing. even with all it's ups and downs...its amazing! so focus on the end result. you cant really plan for what is going to happen. even us STM and TTMs (im on my third) can only base what might happen off the previous pregnancy, but really all three of mine have been different and i cant wait to see how labor goes with this one!

Jecca07 · October 2013

I was induced and didn't get any pain meds. I like to describe the pain as how you'd feel doing sit ups for hours on end. A lot of the pain stems from your uterus being exhausted, but still having to go through contractions. I have a fairly high pain tolerance, so I was able to manage it, but I completely see why someone would want an epidural. Definitely no judgements here.

Kedra231 · October 2013

I knew about labor, wasn't really concerned, but then we went through the birthing class, & they were VERY thorough. I left there looking at DH going, "There needs to be a 3rd option, b/c neither of those are going to work for me..."

Even though I've had 2 C-sections, each pregnancy & labor was different.

#1, I had to be induced. Things weren't progressing fast enough, I guess, so they upped my Pitocin, & THEN things went badly. Until then, I was doing pretty well with the pain & contractions. Take into account that having a cerclage can cause difficulties with dilating, & I'd had a cerclage. Part of MY issues may have been my own body fighting itself. If it hadn't been for the increased dosages of Pitocin, I think I would have been ok. Plus, my Epidural failed, & then so did the Stadohl. I CAN say, however, that we'd gotten there & started the whole process around 5 am, & delivered baby by C-section after 8:00 that night, & I HONESTLY thought it was only maybe 2 or 3 in the afternoon. The time passed so quickly, I was so focused on managing my pain, & monitoring the baby on the screen that I honestly never noticed the passage of time. (If the dang epi had worked, I'm sure things would have been a lot different).

With #2, I was in labor before my C-section, but I just never noticed really. Sometimes I could feel my stomach become tight (like the Braxton Hicks, only a bit tighter/harder), but it didn't SEEM real regular (turns out I was missing most of them). I had back labor the night before my scheduled C-section, & then you can best believe I felt it. On the plus side, my back labor only lasted a couple hours, & I was still able to eat that night before my cut-off time. I was up all night, NOT b/c of pain, but b/c of the most horrendous acid EVER. Nothing tamed it. When I went in & they hooked me up to all the monitors, they asked if I knew that I was in active labor. I actually didn't really know, didn't know I was in real labor, & still having regular contractions. I have no idea for how long I might have been in labor, b/c it just wasn't anything more than regular pregnancy discomfort.

Don't be afraid to ask your doctor about how they medicate, when you can get it, etc. And, scary or not, a birthing class IS informative. And the closer you get to your due date, the more determined & calm you usually become. Some mom's I know of have had a slight sedative in the days or so prior, so...ask if that is an option at all, too, jic you happen to feel you need one.
The more scared you are, the more tense you are, the more difficult the labor, so educate yourself with the classes & by talking to your doctors, etc. You CAN be in labor for days, but you aren't going to be at a level 10 in pain the whole time. Many of the mom's have mentioned that they didn't think it was anything more than BH until they started to fully time them & REALLY paid attention to each of them. And in the hospital, the length of time you labor before you turn to a C-section can, & should be discussed with your doctor as well, b/c personal wishes do count after you get so many hours into it.

You'll get to the end & suddenly thing, I didn't go through all these months of difficulty & fear & wondering to stop before I get my baby...and before you know it, it'll be done.

versed · October 2013

If you go into labor scared or thinking you have control over what is happening, you're more likely to have difficulties.

Get educated about the birth process and how each step goes. Find out the different birthing options you have and be open to different methods.

I went into my birth with a unmedicated plan in mind, but I was open to epi if I needed a break or rest. I wanted to have different options during labor so I made sure a tub, ball, and stool were available. I let the staff know I wanted to try unmedicated but I would let them know if I wanted the drugs.

I ended up having an extremely easy and quick labor and birth. It also helped I had a great nurse by my side.

So, long story short: get educated and keep an open mind. Eye on the prize

slwprincess · October 2013

I agree with the others. Educate yourself and be FLEXIBLE. Of course a fast, unmedicated birth is ideal but not every one is gonna have that experience! Don't put yourself in a position of emotional/mental/physical defeat if medical intervention becomes necessary. In my case, we had to bypass labor and go straight for the c/s b/c baby was in distress with reduced fetal movement. I have no regrets in that decision as it ultimately saved his life. Thankfully, I was able to be flexible enough and had enough confidence in my OB that I didn't let myself get caught up in having the perfect birth experience. I truly believe recovery was easier b/c I had such a flexible attitude going in.

Mazingmommyof6 · October 2013

Up until my last doctors appointment I was not scared....I had a " been there done that, got this"attitude.... My doctor tells me that due to some of my health issues she will not induce this time. I will have to go into labor naturally and given my history of fast labor onece my water breaks......this time i may not have time for an epidural. " be prepared for an adventure and no epidural" is what she said. Oh joy! Guess I need to practice my breathing.

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