What others think..

buckyfan30 · August 2013

My Mom seems to think we will have another. I feel like I have to defend my reasons to her to be mostly decided on oad. She's making me feel guilty in my decision. I know its not her decision, but I'm having a hard time blowing off her opinion because she is my Mom. Anyone else have a parent who disagrees with oad?

kristennd · August 2013

Does she actually keep bringing it up on conversation, or does it just bother you to know she doesn't believe you?

KL777 · August 2013

My grandmother and one of my friends was the same way. They use to bring it up every time I saw them. DS is now in kindergarten and they don't mention it anymore.

It use to bother me because it felt like someone was trying to force their opinion on to my life. It just makes me more conscious not to do the same to others.

buckyfan30 · August 2013

kristennd said:
Does she actually keep bringing it up on conversation, or does it just bother you to know she doesn't believe you?

Both. Its a topic when I see her and it makes me feel bad because she won't have more grandchildren.

KatieB19 · August 2013

I know it's your mom, but you are an adult and will be making this decision yourself (and with husband/SO). If her guilt tripping you is bothering you, you should be upfront with her about it. It's hard, especially if you have had a great relationship and she has agreed with your life choices thus far. But agreeing and supporting are two different things. I learned that the hard way. You shouldn't have to dread conversations with her because you feel like it will come up and make you feel bad for doing what you want because it goes against your mom's wishes. She needs to know that she is not being supportive and that it is hurtful to you. She doesn't have to agree with your decision, she just has to know that her point has been heard and doesn't need to be brought up again.

firewife9278 · August 2013

Every time we see any of our parents, we are told that they can't wait until we give them more grandchildren to fill up our 4 bedroom home. No matter how often we tell them that we're done, it comes up again and again. They will follow up with, well why did you buy such a big house if you weren't going to fill it with babies? Ummmm, because we wanted an office and a playroom.

I feel like they forgot that it took us almost 3 years and a lot of medical intervention to get pregnant in the first place. I can't go through that again, AND we decided that one is the perfect number for us. Maybe eventually they will stop asking?

hopefulmom81 · August 2013

I am an only, so my parents get it completely. They have actually made disparaging comments at the idea of us having more children (they were very worried about me with a rough pregnancy, rough L&D and bad PPA), which is very annoying even though we are OAD. It isn't their business.

My MIL has made the comment, "everyone NEEDS a sibling" to which I say, "well, MIL, I didn't have one, so I disagree". She also makes comments like, "when you have 2". She is very much of the belief that she and FIL did everything the right way in life and that everyone should do what they did. I am sure we are going to have a deeper conversation when it becomes clear we are truly OAD.

If anything, arguing about it makes me more resolute in being OAD. It makes me defend my position, which brings up all of the good reasons to keep it at one!

mac&chip1 · August 2013

Once I found out I couldn't have anymore kids because of medical reasons, I made sure to be very public about it. I wanted to get as many annoying second-sibling comments canned as possible.

My mom seems to be holding out hope that we will adopt. Financially, that is just too much of a sacrifice – a second child sounds more like a stressful burden than a bundle of joy. Her annoying logic is that second children aren't expensive (which is true when you're a SAHM, but I'm not), and she keeps ignoring that huge fee of adoption.

Everyone else seems to have accepted our OAD status.

SoDoMojo · August 2013

My MIL is Mormon and the mother of 6 kids. She has a very hard time wrapping her head around the fact that we're done. A few of my SILs also don't get it.

One SIL was all "It's easier if you have more than one because then they play with each other". Uh... having a play mate is NOT a reason to have another child in my mind. I just say, "we're done". I don't explain it. And if I do I say something along the lines of "parenting is a lot harder than I expected." Which is the truth. Back up outta my ute, bitches.

TLRachelle · August 2013

This is exactly why I don't plan on saying anything at all to anyone. No one needs to know that we are intentionally stopping at one. Good thing I'm old enough that most people won't even think twice about us not having more children. Bless all of you. I hope you can find a way to deal with the judgmentals out there.

Divallyn · August 2013

I don't care what others think .... including my parents.

Our LO is 18 months and we don't get any comments about when were having another .... I think our world knows we have our hands full since we end up in the children's hospital once every week or two.

MonkeySender · August 2013

My mom is supportive of my decision, which is nice. My Dad is sad and hopes for an oops or that we change our minds, but he keeps his mouth shut. I know my ILs are sad, but BIL is still young (18) so there is hope of more grandkids someday. We have had other family memebers push and we try to just ignore it. I do feel bad sometimes, but I try to remember that in the end we are the ones raising the kid(s) so our opinion should be the only one that matters.

ChiTown Bridget · September 2013

My parents are very supportive of my decision but they also know my history of IF.

arbutusbride · September 2013

We haven't told our parents yet. We'll cross that bridge when we get to it. My mom is an only and she was adamant about having two kids but in the end I think she will understand.

VeryTurtle · September 2013

I pray my MIL is not like that. I only want one but DH wants 3. I'm not concerned about making any permanent decisions yet but I would love it if people would respect them, especially my MIL.

Sweet13Princess · October 2013

Both sides knew we weren't going to have anymore. Since I'm an only child, I didn't really get any flack from my own parents, my husband's said not to rush into anything. I think my husband would have liked a boy, but there's no telling if that would have EVER happened. He understands why I felt the way I did.... I had a really rough labor and delivery and am lucky to be here! I do, however, feel the need to justify myself to people when I say we're only having one. It may not be anyone else's business, but I tend to get looks that I'm crazy or just being rash and I always feel the need to explain why. When I do, no one really blames me.*LOL*

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