Born at 25 weeks. Need encouragement

kcamrud · October 2013

Hi everyone. My son was born on Oct 1,2013 at 25.4 weeks. He weighed 2 lbs exactly and had had a few rough 4 days in the NICU. I'm 35 and this is my first baby. I don't know how to cope with my feelings and continue to breakdown every couple of hours. I know many of you know this feeling and I'm wondering how I can make this a bit easier. I know I need to take things day by day, but the constant worrying of his health and future outcomes overpower me. Any words if encouragement or positive stories will help. Thank you!

LaciJaxx · October 2013

T's and P's coming your way!! I prayed a lot when my LO was in the NICU. And a lot of people prayed for us. I gave birth at 31 weeks. He was 3 lbs, 9 oz. He was in the NICU for 37 days. While it was a difficult time, they took amazing care of him. It's exactly where he needed to be. And I did my best to take care of myself so I'd be ready when he was discharged. He just turned 3 months last week and is doing great!!! Your day will come!!! Keep your chin up. Get sleep. Eat and drink well. Take care of yourself. Hugs!!!!!

aliwisewoman · October 2013

Getting enough sleep has helped a ton. Asking questions and doing my own research has also been helpful.

dandywarhol · October 2013

Congrats on the birth of your son! My daughter was born at 23w6d at 1lb 5oz and came home after 99 days in the NICU. I was 36 at her birth and had had 3 previous losses. What helped me the most was not thinking too much about the future. My daughter was alive and was receiving excellent care. She was where she needed to be to get bigger and stronger. I just focused on each day and what Beatrix (and I and our family) needed to make it through the day. I allowed myself and my family to be happy that Beatrix was alive. It is a difficult journey with lots and ups and downs. I just tried to stay in the present and realize that there were going to be downs but that there would also be ups. I spent a good amount of time in the NICU but I also allowed myself time away so I could decompress. Making sure I got enough sleep and enough to eat helped too. Allow yourself to cry if you need to. I started a FB group to share in Beatrix's journey and the support I received from friends near and far really helped, especially during some of the downs.

Good luck. The journey of a preemie parent is a unique, difficult, exhausting, anxious, special and miraculous journey. When you make it through this a lot of other things that used to bother you will be trivial in comparison.

In response to PP - I actually did not to much research of my own. There is so much info out there and sometimes Dr. Google can be a mindf*ck. I know myself and having access to all the outcomes, good and bad, would've added to my anxiety. I trusted her doctors and nurses and asked lots of questions.

Courtneyw04 · October 2013

I am so sorry to hear about your early delivery. I had quads at 25 weeks and 5 days in March 2012. They weighed between 1.5-1.15lbs and spent 121-137 days in the NICU. We had three PDA surgeries, two brain bleeds (grade 1 & grade 3), ROP surgery, aspiration of milk (came home on ng feeding tubes), gtube surgery, and really bad reflux. The NICU is rough on everyone. It's extremely hard to watch your baby struggle. The best thing to do is make sure you are taking care of yourself. My kiddos are 19 months old now and are thriving! They do receive OT and speech therapy to help them catch up to their adjusted age. They are very active and happy kids. It's amazing to see how far they have come! Feel free to message me if you have any questions. :-)

thishappyhouse · October 2013

Congratulations on the birth of your son but I am so sorry that you have had to join the preemie/nicu club. This group is wonderfully supportive though.

My DD was born at 25w 0d & 650 grams. We had a wild ride in the NICU but came home after 124 days and havent looked back. She is doing really well and will be 2 in just a few weeks.

Your feelings are completely normal. My best suggestion is to take thing day by day or hour by hour. Try to stay in the moment and not get too caught up in all of the what ifs. Many people find comfort in being involved in their childs care. Ask the nurses what you can do each day... temps, diaper changes, cares, kangaroo care, etc. I found it helpful to keep both a journal and a blog as well.

Dont be afraid to ask for help. Friends and family can help with things at home, a nicu nurse or social worker can help you find support, lactation counselor can help immensely with the stress of pumping, etc.

Keep us updated. You are in our T & Ps

Throw3ks · October 2013

We are sending you and your family lots of love and happy healthy thoughts. Keep looking forward.

ashleymarie512 · October 2013

Congratulations! I agree with all pp about the normality of your feelings.

My dd was born at 29.6 and weighed 2lb 3oz. We're still in the NICU and it's been nine weeks as of today. We're on track for coming home in a week or so, but it's all such a roller coaster.

Wishing you and your family strength!

Throw3ks · October 2013

@ashleymarie512 my LO was born at 30w. We are going on day 45 in the NICU. Sending you and your family lots of love!

ashleymarie512 · October 2013

Throw3ks said:
@ashleymarie512 my LO was born at 30w. We are going on day 45 in the NICU. Sending you and your family lots of love!

Thank you, right back at ya!!

[Deleted User] · October 2013

I have PProm and currently confined to a hospital bed at 25 weeks. I'm starting to face the reality that even in the best case scenario my child will be in the NICU. I guess I've always been emotionally strong but coming off 10 weeks in the hospital (best case scenario) and then dealing with labor and baby's health issues might be overwhelming and I'm terrified. I guess I wanted to know if any of you also got meds to help you through this time. I've never taken anything for depression or anxiety but I do want to keep my options open as I want to be in the best mental state for my little guy. Thanks.

PhillyGal34 · October 2013

Congratulations!

I don't think there's any way to avoid breakdowns. It's natural. I agree that sleep is very important. The hardest part for me was the guilt. The guilt of not being able to protect him or do what so many women can do without trouble. Honestly at almost 16 months I still feel that guilt at times. I made my goal being his best advocate during the nicu and after that I could be. I asked a lot of questions and participated as much as I could. When it came time to do kangaroo I never missed a chance if I could avoid it. I also nursed which helped me mentally but I know it's not for everyone and not always possible. I also know nursing can cause more stress for some people so that's a very personal choice.

I think one of the most important things for me was taking time for myself and not spending 24/7 in the nicu. It can really drain you and you need rest to be the best you can be for your baby. Also your baby really needs rest. It's extremely important at this stage. So I considered it my way of helping him when I just left him there to get better.

It's crazy now because my son has recently started walking and someone said to me "I can't believe you don't hover over him so he doesn't fall. I was crazy when my kid started to walk." I just told them that he proved to me that he's far tougher than he looks from day one and I know he can take care of himself. My son has no fear and I like to think (maybe it's to make myself feel better) that it's because I allowed him to prove himself all along. Whatever it takes to get through the day right?

Oh and one day at a time is key. Celebrate the great days and know that bad days end.

Best of luck to you! This is a great board so you found the right place!

MrsRKJ · October 2013

Sending thoughts & prayers to you & your family! Congrats on the birth of your son. Your feelings are normal. It's a scary place to be right now, we've all been there, but know that your son is in the best place he can be right now, and will receive excellent care. My LO was born at 33 weeks and spent 33 days in the NICU. He's almost 7 months now and doing amazing. Take care of yourself so that when your baby boy comes home you will be ready for him. Take it one day at a time, know there will be highs and lows, and write down at least one positive of the day. He will be home with you before you know it!

staceymack · October 2013

Congratulations! This board is a great place for support! I also recommend finding a family support group in your NICU. Finding others to talk to that share your situation helps a lot. Someone may come around to speak to you or ask your nurse about it.

My next suggestion is to start a journal. Keep it in your baby's bed side table. It's a great way to keep up with what's going on, questions you want to ask, and write letters to your baby.

It's a very emotional journey with many ups and downs. You both are in my prayers.

KTZ17 · October 2013

Congratulations on the birth of your son! As PPs have said, your feelings are normal. When you need to cry, cry. Let it out. But try to focus on the little victories and don't let worry consume you. It will get easier as you get into a routine and once the postpartum hormones level out. Ts & Ps for you & your family!

LaciJaxx · October 2013

Yes!!!! Kangaroo care is amazing! It may be awhile before they will allow it but once they mention it, go for it! It's such a bonding experience. You will both love it.

The NICU is a dance; 1 step forward, 2 steps back. Know this ahead of time and don't let it get you down. Focus on the forward motion and you will get through it.

And don't forget to talk to the nurses & doctors. They're also trained to offer support and guidance to the parents, not just the babies. I think there were times I asked the same question ten times but they answered me all ten times. You might find it helpful to write things down too. I would come home nightly and send out a quick email to family/friends with an update, just to avoid multiple phone calls/emails/texts.

Rest, rest, rest!!!!! Once Carson was doing well, we would limit our visits on weekends so we could spend time together and rest up. We are less than 10 mins to the NICU so we could be there in a hurry if something came up.

thishappyhouse · October 2013

Kvochka said:

I have PProm and currently confined to a hospital bed at 25 weeks. I'm starting to face the reality that even in the best case scenario my child will be in the NICU. I guess I've always been emotionally strong but coming off 10 weeks in the hospital (best case scenario) and then dealing with labor and baby's health issues might be overwhelming and I'm terrified. I guess I wanted to know if any of you also got meds to help you through this time. I've never taken anything for depression or anxiety but I do want to keep my options open as I want to be in the best mental state for my little guy. Thanks.

Big hugs to you! Hospital bedrest is a whole different mental game and I truly believe that your ability to stay calm, positive, and in the moment is so important. With that said you can't do it alone. You need support (both from your friends/family as well as your care team), you need a schedule (break your day into parts) and you may need meds. Talk to your doctors and come up with a plan. This journey of keeping your baby inside for as long as possible is not just a physical one but a mental one as well. You can do this! seek out the help that you need.

chicagobride_07 · October 2013

I was on hospital bedrest due to vasa previa before LO came. It was tough. I did ask for a psych consult and after the initial consult a therapist came every day just to talk. GL to you, hospital bedrest plus the NICU after birth is tough, but you will make it through!

schulme2 · October 2013

Congratulations! I had my babies at 25 weeks as well. My son was exactly 2 pounds and he spent 75 days in the NICU. It's a rollercoaster, but knowing that doesn't make it easier when things start to go down. Just know that you are doing all you can by being there with him and allowing him to get the care he needs. I found journaling about his day-to-day helped Keep me sane and also helped to keep friends and family from constantly bugging me about what was going on. We had quite the following of people rooting for him and praying for him.

direy25 · October 2013

The ladies have posted lots of great advice, I just wanted to say congratulations and good luck. Thoughts & prayers to you.

kcamrud · October 2013

I would like to thank everyone for all of your responses. You all made me feel so much better knowing that you've been there. Your advice and positive stories have really helped. Thank you so much for sharing.

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