SAHM What do you sacrifice?

acethebase · October 2013

So I'm going to be a SAHM once I have my little boy and I'm realizing there's going to have to be some sacrifices made. One being my DH and having him home as much as I want him to be and some other material things that I won't mind giving up. So my question for other SAHM is what do you sacrifice to be home with you child/children and how do you cope/ deal with it?

blondolphn · October 2013

I plan on giving up our cleaning lady, probably cable as well to help with the financial budget. Once i get back on my feet, I will be looking for other ways to contribute to our family budget.

JenMatt2010 · October 2013

Time with DH, since he has to pick up a few extra weekend shifts in order for me to be able to stay home. It's been hard and will be harder with 2 little ones, but it's worth it.

ap2000 · October 2013

I've been a SAHM since DS was born. We planned for the situation since we got married, so financially, we just started out putting the money I was earning into savings. I guess we didn't have to cut much in that area when I stopped working.

I think one of the biggest sacrifices for me was adjusting to a more limited social life. I loved my job, both the work and colleagues. I still miss them sometimes. It took work to start building a new network of friends, whereas when I was working I had a built-in group that I saw daily. I've got a handful of other SAHM friends, now, and things have gotten better. Changing from analytical thinking every day to focusing on diapers/nursing/etc was also tough.

It was a rough transition for me, but after 2 1/2 years, I wouldn't change my situation. There's lots of time to work during other stages of my life, but my kids will only be little for so long. FWIW, I worked with other kids between 0-3 years, so I knew I'd have an extra hard time being at work with other kids while mine were at daycare.

SuperTreesa · October 2013

The biggest and surprising sacrifice was getting regular ego boosts. I was effing awesome at my job pre-baby. I got daily feedback from my superiors and customers. Changing to being a SAHM meant my boss was a baby and my feedback was the occasional smile or spit up. While its romantic to say those smiles were all worth it, that was bullshit. I knew I was doing a great job being home with my daughter, but I really missed getting real feedback. After a few years, my husband finally figured it out and he makes me feel really valued.

bkeane619 · October 2013

Probably, just getting time alone. I liked my previous job and got along with other staff. It was the majority of my social interaction. Now that is limited to my kids, DH, and family.

Mae208 · October 2013

SuperTreesa said:
The biggest and surprising sacrifice was getting regular ego boosts. I was effing awesome at my job pre-baby. I got daily feedback from my superiors and customers. Changing to being a SAHM meant my boss was a baby and my feedback was the occasional smile or spit up. While its romantic to say those smiles were all worth it, that was bullshit. I knew I was doing a great job being home with my daughter, but I really missed getting real feedback. After a few years, my husband finally figured it out and he makes me feel really valued.

This exactly! I was great at my job and I loved my customers. I loved the adult interaction and putting a smile on peoples faces, and having a reason to put clothes and makeup on each day! I have been a sahm since my son was born 2 years ago and I would never change that, but it is quite the adjustment to make.

cassey910 · October 2013

Since my DH works long hours, I will let him sleep as much as possible so he is not tired at work. Also alone time and not getting to finish school this year.

norbert5 · October 2013

We planned to live as a one income family since the beginning so financially we don't struggle too badly. Obviously, more money would always be better but we manage.

I gave up my job which I loved and worked hard at. I was a teacher so I teach just in a different capacity now.

I end up sacrificing time/sleep/whatever so DH can be 100% for work. He needs that so he can be 100% at work.

sledchick04 · October 2013

I end up sacrificing sleep mostly... since my husband works I am the one that is up with our Daughter most nights...

bnikiz · October 2013

I hated my job with a passion, so for us its mostly things like going out. We went out to eat and to movies with friends a lot which we dont have money for. I have a great circle of friends from dds play group and we get together twice a week so i dont feel like i have lost my social life. Its silly but i do miss how fast i could run errands before lol

--halo-- · October 2013

I had a rough adjustment. I did not plan to be a SAHM, but the cost of daycare forced me to be.

Living on one income forces some sacrifices. We are a lot more frugal and cut out most of our entertainment expenses. It's important to still have some date nights and family outings, though.

I missed the social interaction I had at work. It took about a year for me to find a group of moms that I clicked with. I think it's important to have a social group that understands what you're going through and that can really relate to your situation.

The biggest difficulty for me was that my day was just a constant stream frustrations. I could start a bunch of housework or projects, but never accomplish anything. I missed that sense of accomplishment and completion that I had at work.

A huge sacrifice for any parent, but especially when you're with your child 24/7 is personal time. You will pee with an audience for years to come. lol

Overall I love staying at home with DS, but I often wonder if I should get a part time job to help out with expenses as well as for my own mental/emotional health. A lot of moms are naturals at tugs and love it 100%, but I will admit that I still struggle.

dlphndoc · October 2013

I've been a SAHM since my son was born, so roughly 2.5 years. We planned for it financially so we don't really have to sacrifice much in that area. The biggest sacrifice I guess would be giving up extravagant vacations, but in the grand scheme of things that's nothing. I love being a SAHM and didn't have any problems transitioning socially. I certainly don't miss my old work environment. I think it will all really depend on your personality and financial situation beforehand.

andbabymakessix · October 2013

We've always been a one income family so we were so used to it and it didn't feel like we were going to be missing out on anything. DH was in grad school and I was a full time RN before our first. After DS was born, I went down to part time, started an Etsy shop, and we used some of savings (DH was still in school). Right before our 2nd was born, he graduated and was offered a job right away! I went back to work very part time after DD was born, then quit completely after about 6 months.

To save money, we try to make most meals at home, don't have cable (Netflix FTW!), swap child care with friends for date nights, use cloth diapers, breastfeed, and do free "fun" for family outings it play days (friends houses, library, local play at a boutique, park, picnics, etc). It's all a matter of what you get used to!

acethebase · October 2013

Thanks ladies, I really appreciate all your feedback....@--halo--- That is the main reason I HAVE to be a SAHM due to daycare costs (I have a 5yr old and this baby) it wouldn't be worth it for me to work....I really won't mind switching from having cable to Netflix but need to find a way to deal with not seeing DH as much. Thank you for all the tips I will keep them in mind

kdjudd · October 2013

Being a SAHM is incredibly difficult for me... There is no break from the craziness. My daughter is non-stop energy and being with her all day and all night can get overwhelming. There is no such thing as showers alone or bathroom visits. Cleaning is virtually impossible during the day and my entire day revolves around my daughter's schedule.

That being said, there are so many wonderful things about being a SAHM too. I never miss a milestone or a new accomplishment. I also get lots of hugs and snuggle time. Plus, I love the bond that I have created with my daughter. I wouldn't trade it for the world

monkeybutt61612 · October 2013

Having adult interactions, feeling productive, monthly bikini wax, regular mani and pedi, frequent haircuts and coloring, shopping. Honestly, now that Im home so much most of these expensess arent as necessary as when I was working.

Married2PreMed · October 2013

After our baby, neither myself or my husband will be working. My husband resigned earlier this year to complete his education, and about one month after his resignation, I had a serious workplace injury that put me out on workers comp. My employer runs FMLA and WC concurrently.... The workplace accident caused my IUD to shift out of place and I am now pregnant. I do not have FMLA left, so my employer is only giving me 3 days to "get back to work."

We are on a wait list for daycare, which is almost $800 a month. My employer health insurance for the family plan will cost about $11,000 a year, with a $2500 per person deductible/$6000 family. We will not qualify for Obamacare because the individual policy is under 9.5%. Although the family plan is over 20% of my gross income, not even considering the deductibles. My second child has a medical condition that costs us about $8000 out of pocket each year. (We reach our deductible and his prescriptions run about $300 a month because we have lousy coverage.).

Basically, what it comes down to, I cannot afford to work. I'm cashing out my 401K and returning to school full time. We will live off student loans and grants. My hubby and I will have to go without healthcare! and our children should qualify for Medicaid. I hate that, but I do not see any other options. We live in a very rural town, and a previous divorce prohibits me from moving more than a 50 mile radius. The good news, is that because hubby and I are both going into the healthcare field, we can practice in our rural town and have our loans reduced/paid off under a city contract. I'm trying to look at their bright side, and hoping like hell these government shut downs do not affect student grants and loans. If so, then we are pretty fucked. Edited for putting in paragraphs!

blondolphn · October 2013

Married2PreMed said:

After our baby, neither myself or my husband will be working. My husband resigned earlier this year to complete his education, and about one month after his resignation, I had a serious workplace injury that put me out on workers comp. My employer runs FMLA and WC concurrently.... The workplace accident caused my IUD to shift out of place and I am now pregnant. I do not have FMLA left, so my employer is only giving me 3 days to "get back to work."

We are on a wait list for daycare, which is almost $800 a month. My employer health insurance for the family plan will cost about $11,000 a year, with a $2500 per person deductible/$6000 family. We will not qualify for Obamacare because the individual policy is under 9.5%. Although the family plan is over 20% of my gross income, not even considering the deductibles. My second child has a medical condition that costs us about $8000 out of pocket each year. (We reach our deductible and his prescriptions run about $300 a month because we have lousy coverage.).

Basically, what it comes down to, I cannot afford to work. I'm cashing out my 401K and returning to school full time. We will live off student loans and grants. My hubby and I will have to go without healthcare! and our children should qualify for Medicaid. I hate that, but I do not see any other options. We live in a very rural town, and a previous divorce prohibits me from moving more than a 50 mile radius. The good news, is that because hubby and I are both going into the healthcare field, we can practice in our rural town and have our loans reduced/paid off under a city contract. I'm trying to look at their bright side, and hoping like hell these government shut downs do not affect student grants and loans. If so, then we are pretty fucked. Edited for putting in paragraphs!

Whoa, there is a lot going on there. Would it be possible to even work part time with school? Also, if you guys are students, could you get healthcare through the school? usually it is pretty crappy, but better than nothing. @married2premed

Married2PreMed · October 2013

I'm starting the BSN program and the advisor said you shouldn't even consider working while completing the program. I could do part time work during the summer as a CNA, but I'm getting a minor in social work, so I may not have time. I'm worried and a little overwhelmed, but trying to take it one day at a time. My hubby does not have the ability to work, with the volunteer work and shadowing that is required for med school applications. I am REALLY encouraging him to consider the Physician Assistant route, but he will not consider it at all. The University does have student coverage, but there are some changes because it doesn't meet the requirements of the affordable healthcare act (it doesn't cover mental health or pregnancy, etc) so they don't have info about next years policies yet. We will get a grant for on campus daycare though, so that is good! Eventually this will all be worth it, at least I keep telling myself that. I just cannot get PPD this time- that is my biggest worry. I've had it with every other baby

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