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Is this an olive branch?

bebe11bebe11 member
in Blended Families

My DD comes home from her dad's house yesterday and brings in a box of pastries, the kind you buy at Costco with bear claws, cinnamon rolls, danishes...etc.

Our conversaton goes like this:

Me: Why did you bring these home, you don't even eat them

DD: J (dad's gf) wanted me to give them to you

Me: Why

DD: Maybe she is just trying to be nice

After my DD leave the room, I look at my H and said "what if she poisioned them"  he of course laughed, and I was joking.  I didn't want to throw them away, so I told my husband to take them to work.  Do I say thank you?  I mean I don't really need your food that you guys don't want to eat.

 

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Re: Is this an olive branch?

  • sweetwalkssweetwalks member
    Strange. I mean, if I needed to extend an olive branch I wouldn't do it with food, bought food especially.

    I wouldn't even do it with food I bake. I bake a lot but we don't need to eat it all, so I'll give it away. Family, co-workers, etc but never as an olive branch.

    How awkward to put your DD in the middle too.
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  • Ginlyn0Ginlyn0 member
    edited October 2013

    Maybe they were intended for your DD to have. I mean, if I were going to send food to BM's or BD's I would send it with the intention of the kids eating it but I wouldn't give it to them and tell them it's theirs because I wouldn't want BM or BD to think I'm giving the kid free reign over the box.. I might say give these to ____, KWIM?

    Not that I would send food, but I can't imagine it was thought you'd send them to work with your DH....

    DD(14),SD(13),SS(11),SS(9),DS(3)

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  • ambrvanambrvan member
    I would say thank you. Regardless of why they were sent, it was a gift for whomever. Maybe we're just different, but I grew up with my grandmother always giving food away to people. And when I had a problem with a bully I'm high school, she sent me with some baked goods that I ended up sharing with said bully and it just about solved my problem.

    How hard is it to say thank you even when it isn't called for?
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  • sweetwalkssweetwalks member
    I grew up giving away food too, but not as an olive branch. Hence the reason I bake a lot and give it away.

    I agree, I would say thank you, whatever the reason. But, I still think it is rather awkward to put her DD in the middle. Especially since DD's reason was, maybe she's just trying to be nice. That's just me though. Again, I still would say thank you to GF & I would have said "that was sweet of her" etc. to DD.
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  • CurlieWhirlieCurlieWhirlie member
    edited October 2013
    I'd view it as an olive branch. 

    I mean, my SO's mother (who is not happy about his divorce, him moving in with me, or this new baby we're having) sent us a "baby blessings" book that is totally barf-worthy, and was addressed to "Michael Johnson + Steph" (not our real names). It's a really cheap little book that isn't really even intended to read, and it's annoying that she doesn't even care to find out what my last name is, even though we have lived together for a while now, but I'm choosing to view it as a gesture. Like, she can disdain me all she wants, but this is her grandbaby, so if she can see past me and love the baby, I'm ok with that.
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  • ambrvanambrvan member
    Even if it was an "olive branch" I would not have thought that was putting the child in the middle. Unless the giver said these are to make peace between X and Y. If the relationship has been less than stellar, I would think a kid can pick up on that and they also know when something is a nice gesture.
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  • bebe11bebe11 member
    gin9874 said:

    Maybe they were intended for your DD to have. I mean, if I were going to send food to BM's or BD's I would send it with the intention of the kids eating it but I wouldn't give it to them and tell them it's theirs because I wouldn't want BM or BD to think I'm giving the kid free reign over the box.. I might say give these to ____, KWIM?

    Not that I would send food, but I can't imagine it was thought you'd send them to work with your DH....


    I would normally think this as well (sent for my dd to have), but they know that my DD won't eat these.

     

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  • bebe11bebe11 member
    ambrvan said:
    I would say thank you. Regardless of why they were sent, it was a gift for whomever. Maybe we're just different, but I grew up with my grandmother always giving food away to people. And when I had a problem with a bully I'm high school, she sent me with some baked goods that I ended up sharing with said bully and it just about solved my problem. How hard is it to say thank you even when it isn't called for?

    Given who sent them, and it is well known that she "hates" me, it is very hard to just not send them back.

     

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  • WahooWahoo member

    I would thank her.  Who knows or cares why she sent it. 

    If she is trying to extend an olive branch, it shows that her effort is appreciated.

    If she had some nasty, crazy reason for sending the box, if you thank her it will drive her crazy.  Either way - you win!

    image "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
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  • ambrvanambrvan member
    Wahoo said:

    I would thank her.  Who knows or cares why she sent it. 

    If she is trying to extend an olive branch, it shows that her effort is appreciated.

    If she had some nasty, crazy reason for sending the box, if you thank her it will drive her crazy.  Either way - you win!

    Absolutely.
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  • CFjo2010CFjo2010 member
    Yup, say "thank you".  As @wahoo said, who cares why she sent it.  Olive branch or not, she paid money for it and sent it.  Maybe she's trying to "mend" things, or maybe she wants to "flaunt" that they spend money on that type of stuff instead of properly caring for your DD, or maybe she's trying to get you fat...

    I bake and cook.  A lot.  Especially when I'm stressed out or frustrated.  To the point where I will have pies and cookies and crap all over the house and can't possibly eat all of it.  I take pies to work and leave them there because I know they'll get eaten.  I can't tell you how many baked goods I have left in the Teacher's Lounge at school.  I send some with K when she goes back to Gma's because I know Gma and the boys will eat it.  Granted, I've never handed it to BM and I'm usually there when it is given to Gma.  But there is genuinely no ulterior motive other than, I made it and don't want to just throw it away.
    image

    Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Weight Loss Tools



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  • +just+j++just+j+ member

    Maybe this is the bitch in me, but I would have had DH call and say thank you and I would not have sent them to work. I would have set them on the counter, told my her, "wow! That sure was nice of her!" and going about my day.  If no one wans them, then I would have gotten rid of them by tossing them in the trash (as if someone was eating them) when no one was looking.  That way your SK doesn't go back and tell her "dad took them to work" or "No one ate them".  Because we know how easily offended your IL's and BM are....

    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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  • ldmessingldmessing member
    I would not have asked SK "why"  I would have just said "how nice"
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