Moving from family care to DC

tatithomas · October 2013

I am due in November, a first time mom. After my 12 week maternity leave we plan on having MIL take care of DS during our workdays - 5 days a week, typical 9-5. Her house is on our way to work, it will save us some money, and of course, she couldn't be more excited about the opportunity of getting to spend that much time with her first grandson.

On the flip side, I am a huge supporter of traditional daycares. I find the curriculum they offer is very educating, even at a young age, and the socialization the children get to experience is so valuable. DH would prefer DS never goes to daycare, but I've asked that we eventually move to it at least 2-3 times a week when DS get a little older.

My question is, how long can we go with full MIL care before we start to lose out on the benefits of DC? Our idea is to leave him with MIL for the first year and have him transition to part-time DC at that age, but do you think it's a detriment to him to wait that long?

Thanks!!

jd614 · October 2013

I dont think its a detriment at all, but i do think it will be much harder to transition him than it would be if he were younger. some kids adapt totally fine and others dont. my family watched DS full time until he was 7.5 mos old, and now he is in DC 2 days a week and with my sister in law 3 days a week. He is so happy with both (i have a 2 yr old nephew and 5 yo niece he gets to play with). He gets a lot of interaction, and gets the best of everything. After the new year we will probably transition to 3 days at DC and 2 days with SIL. The longer you can wait the better for the sole reason that they do get sick alot in the beginning (our first week we got a stuffy nose turned ear infection) but they will get over that eventually so its really up to you when you are comfortable exposing him to that. Your DH may change his mind when u actually get started, and your MIL may change her mind too! its not worth arguing about right now.

shannm · October 2013

If you are confident that you will not have any issues using family as care, I think at least a year is reasonable.

jf198400 · October 2013

DD started DC at 1yr, when she was about 10 months she started going to mommy and me type classes and she really enjoyed it. I think it's fine to wait at least a year to start DC as long as your mil gives her opportunities to be around other kids, even if it's just at the playground.

tatithomas · October 2013

jf198400 said:

DD started DC at 1yr, when she was about 10 months she started going to mommy and me type classes and she really enjoyed it. I think it's fine to wait at least a year to start DC as long as your mil gives her opportunities to be around other kids, even if it's just at the playground.

Thanks everyone! And jf198400, I will definitely also be looking into some mommy and me classes myself. It would be great for him and I also look forward to spending that time with him - I already feel guilty working and leaving him and he's not even here yet!

DiveFrog · October 2013

We have done/are planning something similar with our DD. She is currently 16months and my parents have watched her full-time since 4months.

DH and I knew before she was born that we would want her going to some type of classes/daycare and definitely preschool. We just didn't know when that would happen. Originally my parents said they didn't want to do full-time after 1 year, so we figured at that time, but they changed there minds and have continued taking care of her.

At 16months I am just starting to see where a few classes or 1/2day at daycare would be beneficial for DD. Unfortunately, it is very difficult in our area to find any classes/programs for children younger than 3 that are not full-time daycare, or caregiver and child daytime classes. So we may end up going the route of doing 2 caregiver and child classes for her during the week that my parents would take her to, plus story time at the library and have my Mom or Dad leave her at our gym daycare (which happens to be my husbands workplace) for a few hours a week too until she is 3 and ready for a pre-school program 3-5 days/week.

My goal is to have this alternative socialization schedule set-up starting after the first of the year. DD will be 19months.

Best of luck to you. I know a lot of people that do not recommend using family for childcare, but it has been a wonderful experience for us, and made things so much easier for us this first year.

Mustardseed2007 · October 2013

My mother and sister watched DS until he was 20 months. I was shooting for around the 18month-2 year mark. Kids do parallel play until 3-4 so it's not like they play with each other before then, though I am sure there are benefits of daycare beyond just playing with other kids.

We went longer than I originally thought we would but it's gone well for us so far with only a week long separation anxiety transition period.

It also gets a lot harder on caregivers to keep up with these LOs after they start walking well.

skibunny59 · October 2013

I don't really know the answer to your question but I can tell you that my DD is 18 months and is still watched by just my mom. My mom has watched her since she was 6 months old. I don't feel like my DD is "missing out" on anything by not being in daycare. She is a happy, social little girl and she's developing right on track for her age.

My mom does take her to a toddler class at the library once a week so she does have an opportunity to hang out with other kids her age.

We do plan on sending her to preschool a couple days a week maybe when she's 3. I don't know. So far the arrangement with my mom is working out nicely for us and DD is still learning a ton everyday even though she's not in daycare. Honestly, all a caregiver has to do with a young toddler is interact with them, play with them, and talk to them a bunch and the learning will just happen. Like I said though. I think by age 3 we'll be ready to start sending her to daycare just so that she will be in a real "school" type setting.

traveltheworld · October 2013

I think it really depends on the child. DS is 14 months and goes to DC 3 days a week and spends the other 2 days with my parents. He has always been a rather shy and sensitive baby and I put him in DC starting at 10 months because we noticed that he was quite withdrawn. We've all seen a big difference in that he has really opened up since going to DC.

However, I have friends who have their parents take care of their babies full time and the babies are very social and well-adjusted, so I think it's hard to say. You kind of have to wait and see what your child is like.

traveltheworld · October 2013

Oh I forgot to mention it also depends on how comfortable you are with your family's style of care-giving. My parents adore DS and take him to lots of activities and teach him lots of new concepts (my mom was a teacher for decades), but they also spoil him. So going to DC has been really good for DS in making him understand that the world doesn't revolve just around him.

MamaAllison · October 2013

It totally depends on your child, but I think being at home for the first year is a given, and with a November baby I'd go ahead and not enroll in DC until the spring when there are a little less germs floating around! So that would put you at 15-16 months, which is a great age for them to start interacting with other kiddos. For my DD, who is a social butterfly, she loves DC, which she started at 11 months. She is high energy so it's great for her. But I know some babies that are chill and don't like a lot of interaction, so starting more towards 3 is what their moms did.

And also, I know it's not what you asked - but do be forewarned about the family looking after LO situation. You can ask the ladies on this board. Some of them have great stories, but some of them, don't.

tatithomas · October 2013

MamaAllison said:

And also, I know it's not what you asked - but do be forewarned about the family looking after LO situation. You can ask the ladies on this board. Some of them have great stories, but some of them, don't.

Oh trust me, it is a thought that has been weighing on me HEAVILY

I've already had many discussions with DH about him having to support me if/when I request things of his mom or don't like the way things are being done. It's definitely a concern, but I'm willing to see how it goes for now for the convenience and money saved. His family is very different from the way I grew up, so I'm already anticipating some clashes... hopefully we can resolve them civilly.

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