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Baby #2

only1leiaonly1leia member
in LGBT Parenting
So, I have a little dilemma that I'm not sure how to sort out.  My wife and I had always planned to have our first two kids close in age.  Makenzie was born August 21.  We've been busy (obviously) with a lot of things, including a new position for me and our adoption process (which is just added insurance at this point).  When we had to get together with the donor to notarize his consent for me to adopt, he brought up baby #2 (he will be donating again for us) and when we would get started.  I checked my calendar for my supposed ovulation (I will be carrying) and told him.  A while later, my wife and I were talking, and she was concerned that I would be too tired working full time, having a weekend job on the side (only from Oct. to March and not every weekend), with a newborn and being pregnant, and that maybe we should wait.  I know she has not been getting much sleep, being the food source and the only one at home.  I know it will be hard, but I don't want to wait.  I made the argument that it's unlikely I will get a BFP trying for one month, and to just do it and if it happens, it happens.  She agreed we could try.  When we inseminated for her, we did it the day before and day after ovulation.  With my new schedule, our donor could only come over the day before ovulation (yesterday).  Which means I'm currently in my TWW.  I'm not sure how to approach the subject again if I get a BFN.  I still don't want to wait and waste perfectly good months of trying.

Has anyone else been in the situation? 
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Re: Baby #2

  • GoaliesWife123GoaliesWife123 member
    I think you just need to be honest about your feelings. However, as much as one person's input is important, I strongly believe you and your partner should be on the same page. It sucks, but if she doesn't want another right away, that might strain your relationship and that relationship should be rock solid. Best of luck!

    TTC our first. Married to, and madly in love with, my beautiful wife. Living with our fur baby and enjoying 19 nieces and nephews. 
    • DW and I have been tracking, preparing, getting medical testing since January 2013.
    • First Cycle: Unmedicated ICI w/ Donor Sperm 08/02/13: BFN
    • Second Cycle: Unmedicated ICI w/ Donor Sperm 09/11/13, 09/13/13, 09/15/13: BFN
    • Third Cycle: Unmedicated ICI w/ Donor Sperm: 10/13/13, 10/15/13, 10/17/13, 10/21/13: BFN
    • January 2014: Sonohysterogram shows excellent lining & tubes have no blockages
    • Fourth Cycle:  Monitored clomid cycle  w/ ICI's at home: 1/24/14 and 1/25/14. Ovulation verified:  BFN
    • Fifth Cycle: 02/2014 Femara 5mg with ovidrel trigger CD14: BFN
    • Taking a few months off to evaluate if we want to keep trying


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  • ATXmommasATXmommas member
    Wow, that's a tough one.  I agree with GW that you and your wife need to be on the same page.  Just hear each other out.  I don't have experience caring for a newborn yet, but I can say that I think it would be extremely hard to be pregnant and enjoy caring for a newborn - particularly during the first tri and last tri.  Of course, it's probably difficult to be pregnant with a toddler too.  One thing to think about is that you were probably so attentive to your wife and her changing needs when she was pregnant.  I imagine she wants to do the same for you when you're pregnant and it would be quite the challenge to care for both a newborn and her pregnant wife.  I know I have needed more from my wife (including more attention) during my pregnancy.  I'm sure you two will figure this out and whatever is meant to be will be.  Good luck!
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  • JazibelJazibel member
    Good luck in your TWW - it does sound complicated - it's probably best to continue to talk it out with your wife and see where each of you stand - I think there are valid points in both perspectives :-)  Speaking as the newly pregnant one with a 14 month old at home - toddlers are exhausting ;-) newborns sleep and sleep which is so relaxing while Kaden requires an athletes stamina to keep up with him ;-)  I am carrying again so we waited a year to TTC again.  That said I could see that perhaps if you wanted children 1 year or so apart that trying sooner rather than later could be positive. But the 1st Trimester is also rough (for me at least) with being exhausted and nauseous so I could see your wife's worry that you would be overwhelmed.

    FX for a BFP this cycle solving the issue (so to speak ;-) )  And Good luck working it out!
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  • only1leiaonly1leia member
    Thanks everyone!  I'm sure we will be discussing it again if we get the BFN.  When she was telling me about her apprehensions, it sounded like she was more concerned about me because of the new job and the second job, plus I foresee a hard pregnancy for me (emotions, sickness, all of it).  Now that I've been on my new schedule for almost 2 full weeks, we are getting adjusted and forming a routine.  If anything, maybe we try once a month, or every other month until February (when my second job ends).  I'm crossing everything for this to be it, but trying not to get my hopes up too high.  It's a hard balance! 
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