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August 2012 Moms
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Am I being a twat?

AmySmolosAmySmolos member
in August 2012 Moms
My dh is in his last year of school (yay!!) he is also working about 15 to 20 hours a week at panera after I get home from work. He's in school 5 days a week with two of those being clinical days. He has a 2+ hour break on his class days to study. He also picks ds up from the sitter around 3 when he's die with school and has him until I get home around 5:30. Besides the above he does nothing. Oh he does cook dinner a couple times a week. I do everything else. I get up with ds, get him ready, pack his lunch, get me ready, drop him off, cook him dinner, feed him, bathe him, put him down, clean the kitchen, do all the house work, pay the bills...you get the point. I also work full time in a stressful job. Am I being unreasonable to want his help on the nights he's not working? Am I being a twat to want his help with chores? Please be honest with me. I know we are both very busy and I don't mind doing all I do but it really gripes me when he's around and doesn't help. Or when he never asks me what he can do or acknowledge all I do. Do I need to put my big girl panties on until he graduates in May?
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Re: Am I being a twat?

  • gollywollypoggollywollypog member

    He needs to step it up.  You both have a lot on your plate.  You are the main bread winner right now.  He needs to share the home load.  Maybe you could start a chore chart?  Sit down and flesh out what responsibilities you both agree for him to have.  Put it in writing.  Stick in on the fridge. 

    Good luck!

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  • CheerileeCheerilee member
    You're not being a twat. At all. I am in the last year of my PhD program, work 10 hours a week in a stressful job AND do all the same 'home and child' things you do. He needs to put on HIS big boy panties.
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    "To be able to practice five things everywhere under heaven constitutes perfect virtue...gravity, generosity of soul, sincerity, earnestness, and kindness."
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  • AmySmolosAmySmolos member
    I think we both feel stressed. He has a lot of pressure on him to pass and graduate so he can help support his family. He's a great daddy and a loving husband I'm just overwhelmed and I feel like I'm doing it all alone right now. Maybe a chore chart will help. We need to talk about it without arguing. Men are difficult creatures @-)
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  • jodegaardjodegaard member
    I second what @gollywollypog said. Great advice!
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  • piphigirlpiphigirl member
    He could step it up. Be specific about what you want him to help with and when.  I teach full time and take grad school classes.  DH runs his own business and it is a full time job.

    Here's our division of labor:

    Me: Take DD to and from daycare, put away clean dishes, pack my lunch, make my breakfasts, make dinner about 2/3 of the time, do the laundry, clean the bathroom, dust.  I will also do dishes if DH asks me to.

    DH: Wake DD, dress her in clothes I put out on Sunday, feed her breakfast, make his own lunch, make dinner a couple days a week, do all the dishes (no dish washer), clean the floors, deal with the yard.  He will fold laundry if I ask.

    We are both home some evenings; others I have class or he works or does something with friends.  (Example: this week I had class on Tuesday and he is golfing this evening.)  We try to keep it pretty even, and we work together on big tasks that need to get done, such as organizing the basement or landscaping the front yard.
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