capture your grief day 3

lrichmond86 · October 2013

3. Myths: Do you believe there are any myths about grief? You could write the myth on a piece of paper and photograph it

(I have a busy day ahead tomorrow and didn't want to forget to post! Sorry it's early! )

lrichmond86 · October 2013

I think a lot of people think that the stages of grief happen in order and when you get to acceptance you're done. It's not true. Grief is a cycle. Some of the steps happen over and over again and some of them never happen at all. I've been angry, sad, in denial. . I've even accepted that the 31 short weeks that my son was alive for is all the time I'll ever have with him. I'll never accept that it "wasn't meant to be", that there's as reason we had to say goodbye. It's just not true in my world.

schulme2 · October 2013

My myth: "You are protecting us by not talking about her. It will hurt us to bring her up." This couldn't be farther from the truth. All I have left are memories and all I want to do is talk about her and remember her with love. I want other people to remember her too. She was alive with us for 37 hours and those were the best hours of my life. I don't want to forget them.

TwinkleTor · October 2013

I agree with schulme2. I don't want to avoid talking about Domenik. He was born sleeping and didnt take any breathes, but he was so very alive to me, he made me a mommy for the first time. He has a birth certificate and is very much a person. I love talking about him, happy or sad moments.

Noethola · October 2013

The myth that grief has an end. It doesn't. You just find your new normal and live with your grief each day. Some days it may be latent, but other days it can be just as vibrant as the moment you first felt it.

Dixon813 · October 2013

The first time someone said to me "I'm really sorry to hear about what happened... But at least you're young!" It really took me by surprise. I think I stood there with a blank look on my face and then walked away.

"At least I'm young"?!?! As if my age has anything to do with this sorrow. As if my age makes it easier to deal with the death of my children?

It took me awhile to realize they (yes, more than one person said that to me) that what they were trying to say was I am young so I can still have more children, but that simple phrase really hurt.

My age has nothing to do with this grief. Grief is grief - pain is pain - sadness is sadness regardless of your age. I know this to be true because I see the grief, pain and sadness in my parents and they're older than me. I know this to be true because I also see moments of grief in J and he's only 6.

You're right, I'm glad I'm young and still "have time" to have more children, but that doesn't make me love or miss Leah, Rachel and Gabriel any less.

shandorfml2 · October 2013

My myth was (I took a pic but I don't feel like going to tinypic and getting the code)

Don't talk to me about my loss because it will hurt me more.

I've had numerous people come out of the shadows after months, saying they didn't know what to say. One friend told another friend that she shouldn't speak to me, because I wouldn't want to hear from her. WTF????

shandorfml2 · October 2013

Dixon813 said:

The first time someone said to me "I'm really sorry to hear about what happened... But at least you're young!" It really took me by surprise. I think I stood there with a blank look on my face and then walked away. "At least I'm young"?!?! As if my age has anything to do with this sorrow. As if my age makes it easier to deal with the death of my children? It took me awhile to realize they (yes, more than one person said that to me) that what they were trying to say was I am young so I can still have more children, but that simple phrase really hurt. My age has nothing to do with this grief. Grief is grief - pain is pain - sadness is sadness regardless of your age. I know this to be true because I see the grief, pain and sadness in my parents and they're older than me. I know this to be true because I also see moments of grief in J and he's only 6. You're right, I'm glad I'm young and still "have time" to have more children, but that doesn't make me love or miss Leah, Rachel and Gabriel any less.

We had someone say something similiar , that maybe it was just "to soon". Um, we're 28 and 30.
(((hugs))))

PerkyErky · October 2013

***siggy warning***

Myth: grief ends...

It never ends, but changes how it manifests in a person's life. My heart will be missing a piece forever.

bunnybun4 · October 2013

Day 3- Myths- "I think about my daughter everyday. Please don't be afraid to talk about her."

This has been one of the hardest things...esp. being several months out. It is getting pretty rare to have anyone mention what happened. I think people are either scared to bring it up or just think that since I am functioning "normally" that I am "over it". I wish people knew how happy it makes me for people to acknowledge Bunny's life and how special she is.

bunnybun4 · October 2013

y'all, I just have to say...I am so glad we are doing this on the board. All of these have just really touched me today...thanks everyone for sharing.

((group hug))

princezjk · October 2013

I feel like a lot of people don't want to talk to me about Izzie. It's like they think asking me about her will remind me that she died. Izzie is the first and last thing on my mind everyday. I am more afraid that people will forget her or I will fail to give her life meaning. I may cry when talking about my daughter, but I will sob alone if I think she is irrelevant to my family and friends.

princezjk · October 2013

A lot of us have a very similar myth, the idea that people shouldn't talk to us about our children. I can remember coming back to work and feeling like a leper because people were avoiding me. I get that people don't know what to say, or feel uncomfortable when we cry, but I wish they could understand that saying nothing or avoiding the issues is just way worse. (((hugs))) to everyone, I know it is only day 3, but this is definitely any emotional project.

neptunebljc · October 2013

Myths about grief: There is no getting over, there is only learning how to live with a crack in your heart.

Bruton8288 · October 2013

photo 2bea940d-be98-4dd4-a60c-c49e3706db56.jpg

Nothing will ever be normal, I will never get back into the routine I used to be. I will forever have a piece of my heart missing.

Auki13 · October 2013

Day 3: Myths
Ignoring me or not talking about her is not "helping" me forget. It makes me feel that you have forgotten, and that you don't find my feelings valid. She is on my mind constantly, and just as I love to talk about my living children, I love to talk about my Annabelle. Because I cannot protect and cherish her physically, I want to protect and cherish her memory. Asking about her helps me do that.

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