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ever feel disconnected from friends?

dglvrk2dglvrk2 member
in Working Moms
I'm in a rut.  I've had the same group of awesome girlfriends since I moved to San Francisco about five years ago.  It didn't happen overnight, but we all got pretty close and our SOs are good friends too.  Of these ladies, I'm the only one with a baby, let alone another on the way.  I'm 23 weeks pregnant. (My siggy - I've tried everything - will not work.....another story.)  
I've felt more and more out of touch with these girlfriends lately.  I've been the only mom in the group for over two years.  Sometimes between work - which has been good but crazy busy for the past month-  and a kid I just can't be "there" as much as some of the other girls can.  However they're amazingly supportive.  DH and I get free date nightsbabysitters occasionally and everyone in our group loves having our DD around.  I think I communicate how appreciative I am well; always thanking friends anytime they help and giving any sitters bottles of wine, buying their drinks when we're out or finding other ways to return favors.  
Some of them are moving on a bit with their lives, so I can't say it's all me.  Two are specifically coupling up and and doing more with their (awesome!) BF's and less with the group. One is becoming very serious with sailing; the America's Cup inspired her!  I'm really happy for all them!  
Stilll....I just feel like I'm drifting apart.  I invited everyone for a girls night at my place later next week.  I sent the email early this afternoon and haven't gotten any responses yet.  
Ugggg.g.......If I wasn't KU I'd open a bottle of wine and throw myself a legit pity party!  
Anyone else ever feel this way??
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Re: ever feel disconnected from friends?

  • Kmartinrvt13Kmartinrvt13 member
    I feel like this ALL the time! I was the first in my group of friends to get married and have a baby and I just don't have the friends where I'm at now. Just started hanging out with another mom and it's great but I also work so much I only get to hang out with her on Mondays (my day off) and sometimes weekends when I'm not spending time with DH. There just isn't enough time in the day!
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  • Mrs_LadyMrs_Lady member
    Thanks for posting
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  • LoCarbLoCarb member
    I have different groups of friends and we try to get together about every 4-6 wks. For example, I  host a mimosa mommy brunch every 8 wks. Not everyone can make it each time but all look forward to it. I go to a HH every 4 wks with my single friends and every 6 wks with co-workers.

    Girls night sounds like a fab idea!  Suggest doing one on a rotating schedule every xx weeks. It's a great way to catch up and feel connected.  And don't worry about the life stage...you only started the wave of kids amongst your friends. They will be seeking your advice when it's their turn.
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  • mae0111mae0111 member
    I've been feeling like this a lot lately.  My SAH friends don't understand what my life is like.  They get together a lot during the day, and if they get together in the evenings, they tend to forget about me and exclude me.  One hasn't reached out to me in months, other than to ask me to buy something for her kid's school fundraiser.

    My childless friends are off doing their own thing, and tend to be more spontaneous.  It's hard to keep up.

    My WM friends, all of whom I work with, tend to feel overextended like I do, and like to spend their weekends catching up with their families.  We try for play dates now and then, but it's tough as kids get older and we try to jam in activities over the weekend.

    I'm feeling like this is just a part of life that I have to get through.  That eventually, I'll feel like I'm in a routine a bit more.  But right now I feel like I'm all over the place, and very unsettled.  I know it will pass...
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  • skyejoskyejo member

    It's really tough to keep up with friends.

    My childless friends are able to do things on a whim--parties, happy hours, shopping trips--so unless it's planned out far in advance, I miss out. My SAH mom friends hang out during the day, so again, I'm out. My WM friends are busy, just like me, and it's hard if not impossible for us to get together outside of work.

    The bulk of the people I hang out with outside of the office are neighbors because it's easy.  Kids can play together, adults can have a drink, and there's no real preparation or planning.

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  • skibunny59skibunny59 member
    Sometime I feel like this.  I have two very close friends since 5th grade who live close by and I feel like I hardly ever see them.  One is newly married, no kids yet.  The other one is single.  I always feel like I have to call them and make plans with them.  They are very very close with another friend from highschool who DH and I are not that close with.  I feel like the other friend often plans stuff and DH and I get excluded.  This happened even before we had DD.

    I have another really close friend from high school who also has 2 kids but she lives about an hour and a half away.  It's hard to get together with her just because we're so far but we really try.

    Keeping relationships is hard and a lot of work but if they are good friends than it is worth it.  My mom who is almost 60 still gets together with her friends from high school.  Sometimes it's only once or twice a year that she sees them but it's still special.
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  • Karla CSKarla CS member
    No advice, but SF is a really difficult place to raise kids while maintaining relationships with friends based on their priorities. Most of our friends that are still in the city are either still single, coupled up, or recently married. Bar hopping, late night events, etc, are items usually on the agenda, which, especially with a baby, makes it difficult to keep in touch. (Wait, you mean you CAN'T play on the kickball league on Tuesdays at 9pm and round out the night at the bar?)

    Eventually, either those same friends will slide into the 'old married folks' or friends with babies category, and you'll find yourself able to spend time with them more frequently, or you'll start forming stronger bonds with people based on similar circumstances, ideally a combination of both.
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  • traveltheworldtraveltheworld member

    I feel like that too.  I don't have a lot of established friends in the city since I didn't grow up here or went to school here, but I did use to hang out a lot with my work friends.  But ever since I had DS, I just can't.  I can't go to happy hour every Friday and I can't just spontaneously meet up to go shopping or for dinner on the weekends.  Luckily we have found a few "parents friends" who have LOs that are the same age as DS, so now we hang out with them a lot.  To be honest, sometimes the conversations get a bit boring since we are always talking about our LOs, but at least it's social interaction! :)

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  • MelissaMisoMelissaMiso member
    I totally feel disconnected. I have the opposite problem of a previous poster. I was the last one to get married and have kids. Now most of the newer mothers I know are much younger and I have not much else in common. Also working full time plus having a part time private practice takes up a lot of my time. Add to that financial restraints. It's like a trifecta of not being able to be social.

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  • laurakaz13laurakaz13 member

    When I had a young infant, I felt very disconnected and hung out with new moms more than my close friends.  Now that I have a toddler and a few great babysitters, I've had an easier time getting some girl's nights in. 

    I also have no problem leaving DD with DH so I can catch up with friends, or we will have friends over for dinner, drinks, etc. after DD is asleep.  We just make it work, but it wasn't so easy when she was super young.

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