No desire to know gender...

matthewmegan · October 2013

With DD, we were Team Green per my request. DH wanted to know the gender, but respected my wishes. This time, I said I would do things his way. He won't be able to attend the anatomy scan/ultrasound due to work, so he told me to just text him when I know. That seems so weird to me and I definitely don't want to do that. So, then I thought maybe we could just have the tech write it down and we could go out for a nice dinner and open it together. Then, I thought, even better- we will do a gender reveal party the weekend of DD's birthday when our parents/siblings are in town and we can all find out together (weekend before Thanksgiving.) Then, I thought, EVEN better, we could save it and open it on Christmas morning. Talk about the best gift ever, right? I told DH my ideas and his response was, "I think I'd rather just have you text me right away." *sigh* I realize I'm just putting it off as long as possible because I love being pregnant and not knowing if it's a boy or girl and being able to think about the possiblity of either... Walk through stores and look at both the boys and girls clothing... I loved the excitement of announcing after DD was born that she was a girl and her name for the very first time.

I just feel like this is all very anticlimactic and won't seem nearly as special as it did last time. I guess when I said I would do things his way, I didn't really mean it.

Anyone else feeling this same way?

sopranoali · October 2013

Any way you can visit him at work and open the envelope together? It sounds like the texting thing is maybe more about him wanting to find out ASAP.

kelley72 · October 2013

Your dh's idea does sound like a buzz kill. I'd let him know that you would like a little more excitement surrounding this amazing event and figure out a way for you both to find out at the same time, maybe ask Tech to put b or g on paper in an envelope and give it to him- let him know first and tell you

VineyardMel · October 2013

Yeah--no way I'd find out alone and text him! If he has to know that day, take a card and envelope for them to write it down for you and open it together when you see him at the end of the day. It's one thing to compromise on finding out, but it still needs to meet your needs to find out together in a special way. I love the Christmas idea, too bad he's not game!

angelsnight · October 2013

I'm sorry you're bummed about the way he wants to do it....but, you did get your way last time and you said he could get his way this time. Men get to experience very little of pregnancy (yeah they get to skip the bad, but miss out on all the good we get), I say let him have his way and just text him if that's what he wants.

katykatykaty · October 2013

I'm apparently in the minority on this board (and maybe in general), but I tend to agree with your husband. I'll never really understand why the moment of finding out is such a big deal when you'll have the boy or girl in your life forever after he or she is born. It just seems like it doesn't really matter how/when you find out... it doesn't change what the baby is. If your husband is fine with the other options you've thought of, that's great, but if he's really set on finding out right away and doesn't care how it happens, I wouldn't hold off on finding out.

Nickiechan · October 2013

DH can't come to my scan either... so we are planning for having the US tech write it down on a paper and put in an envelope and then I am going to meet him for lunch at a nice place near his work and we are going to open it together. I am so horrible with surprises I would have opened it before Christmas or DD's party if it was me. I hope I make it to the drive to lunch. LOL.... DH is extremely eager to find out. He hasn't started planning without it. He did this with DS. We didn't think of names until we found out. I don't really feel there should be a big surprise or party when finding out, however it was important for me to find out together.

sopranoali · October 2013

Maybe just ask him in a very non confrontational way..."is there a particular reason you want me to text you? Is it because you just want to find out ASAP?" And really listen to the reason he gives...AND DONT BE OFFENDED BY IT. Then you'll know if you should tell him the disconnect you feel about texting and how to address it do you're both happy.

Shobb414 · October 2013

sopranoali said:
Any way you can visit him at work and open the envelope together? It sounds like the texting thing is maybe more about him wanting to find out ASAP.

This, plus if he's at work he could not get it right away. Or even calling him and telling him would be better. You can actually see his face.
I would go there and give him the envelope or something. Maybe a daddy's little man or little princess onsie something to remember the moment

Nadeau Photography · October 2013

What if you did a little compromise. After the U/S, go shopping with some friends and buy a cute little sex specific outfit, and text him a picture of that?? That way at least YOU can feel line your having a moment with it, and he still gets his no-frills text

ceh789 · October 2013

angelsnight said:

I'm sorry you're bummed about the way he wants to do it....but, you did get your way last time and you said he could get his way this time. Men get to experience very little of pregnancy (yeah they get to skip the bad, but miss out on all the good we get), I say let him have his way and just text him if that's what he wants.

Also, step outside yourself for a minute and think about why he wants it texted. One thing I've learned about my husband is that he is way more of a 'show off' around work than I ever knew which is totally opposite from me (if he were the one who was pregnant no one at my work would be aware we were having a kid, honestly) - he likes to get things on his phone (photos of the US, updates about stuff etc) because he actually walks around and shows people. This idea was pretty foreign to me, but I've come to accept it's just how he is. Maybe your husband wants something to show people rather than just telling them?

BrideNamedMeg · October 2013

I totally get what you're saying about the fun of the suspense, imagining both, etc. I love being team green! I bet you'll be excited once you find out what you're having though, I'm sure it's fun both ways - just a little different

avigailandcharlie · October 2013

Seems like he wants to know and you don't. Can you let him find out and ask him not to tell you yet? I could never do that but I know couples that it's worked for.

lopezalonso · October 2013

sopranoali said:

Any way you can visit him at work and open the envelope together? It sounds like the texting thing is maybe more about him wanting to find out ASAP.

I agree with this. I liked your dinner idea because it gives you two time to be together and enjoy the news. It also doesn't delay the news too much for DH.

LiFeIsAmIrAcLe · October 2013

I would definitely try to figure out a way to meet him and do it together. For him it seems like the bigger deal is just finding out, but there has to be a way you can compromise so that you feel like it's still a special reveal.

Natty13umppo · October 2013

I agree that the texting of it seems really lame, but your DH probably has his reasons. I'd try to do the lunch meeting or dinner reveal or something like that. That way he knows soon (as opposed to waiting til Christmas) and hopefully it's a little more exciting.

I understand the compromise that you got your way last time (of being Team Green) and your DH wants to know this time, and I think that's fair. Though I think it would be a nice compromise if you could find some way for the "reveal" that is special and exciting for both of you. Because, to me, finding out and then texting DH does NOT sound very exciting.

As someone who was Team Green first time around (with DH completely on board), I've toyed with the idea of finding out this time. I loved being Team Green BUT....I wonder if I would enjoy knowing the gender during the pregnancy this time?

Jezlyniliz329 · October 2013

I get it, even tho I'm dying to find out after I do I just know that that's it no more fantasies about it being a boy or girl it will be one , everything becomes real but it also is bonding once you know what it is having the name for your baby shopping for the clothes but if you don't want to know maybe you hubby can just open the envelop and find out him self until you feel ready, but that's the thing about making a commitment or agreement when coming to finding out the gender, have you told him how you felt and what it means to you? Good luck best wishes no matter what your baby will be your little blessing

bring you happiness love❤

matthewmegan · October 2013

Thanks everyone! DH and I had a long talk about it last night. Because of the nature of his job, meeting for lunch that day is not an option (he is a resident and will be doing his trama rotation at a level 1 trama center....opening the envelope in a hallway over a granola bar and banana is about as special as over a text, in my opinion!) So our solution is, we are going to wait until his first night off. He is going to pick up take out and bring it home and he will open the envelope and tell me. Then we will reveal to our families the weekend of DD's birthday. We are thinking we will get her some balloons to carry into the room to let parents and siblings know.

This way, he gets to be the first to know (like he was when DD was born), and doesn't have to wait to find out. But I get to have my special moment with him and the fun announcement with family.

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