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April 2013 Moms
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Dearest husband......this is a vent

tondraluvtondraluv member
edited October 2013 in April 2013 Moms
Dear motherfucker, You need to learn how to take some initiative. You were doing so well, what happened? Don't ask me why I have an attitude as you're leaving for your guys night out. Maybe it's because I have so much to do around the house & still have to feed myself. Yes I know you can't read my mind, but I also know that you are not blind & can see the four loads of our clothes in the laundry basket, the sink full off bottles, & the little baby who smells pissy and needs his nightly bath. Don't say "well you should've asked me to help" because that'll just piss me off & buy your ass a ticket to "futon land" in the other room for the night. Most definetly don't ask me if its because I'm riding the crimson pony because you don't want to know what that'll buy you. Also bring home some diapers, thank you

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Re: Dearest husband......this is a vent

  • randimarie86randimarie86 member
    Some days I can write this verbatim. I can't stand when he throws that whole 'You should ask for help'. Maybe you should sleep with one eye open... Dumbshit!!!
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  • lilbit0910lilbit0910 member
    ughhhh men are so clueless i swear! Seriously it's like the moment we get pregnant we change as women. but being a father does not change them at all. I can't even deal. hang in there boo
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  • tondraluvtondraluv member
    TuckleUp said:
    I can't close our kitchen window without using a step ladder. Every single night, my 6'4" husband says "Honey, you should have asked. I would have closed the window for you." Like it's a surprise the window has to be closed every.single.night. Or that I haven't grown a foot taller in 24 hrs...

    Exactly.......I LOL'ed at this btw

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  • capstone52501capstone52501 member
     I understand your frustration I have been there but I have also learned that you DO have to verbalize your wants, needs, frustrations with your husband.   They are not wired like we are and do not pick up on our little or not so little cues.  
    I learned this one day after absolutely blowing a major gasket.   My husband told me he cant read my mind, I said "YOU CAN NOT SEE ME STRUGLING?" He said "no, you don't understand I don't know what your wanting me to do unless you tell me"  
    So I started asking/telling him when I needed help and things are so much better here.   In fact when LO was just a month or so old I was just beyond exhausted, my husband said on weekends (Thursday night-Saturday night) he would get up with LO so I could sleep.   So I pumped and made sure he had enough milk.   Those 3 nights were glorious, I could stay up a little later and talk to my husband  after LO went to bed and I got the much needed extra few hours of sleep.  It made a huge difference.
    I know several dads and no two are a like.  Our pastor loves his kids but he is not a baby guy so until they are walking and talking he doesn't have a lot to do with them.  He interacts with them but doesn't hold them a lot.  Then I know another guy, a children's pastor, who adores all of his kids, his wife is a SHM and he works literally from sun up to sun down, he has a job working long hours then they also have livestock and a farm he comes home to.  As soon as his babies are home from the hospital he takes on the night duty till they are sleeping through the night.  He says that his wife takes care of them all day and he feels like he needs to do his part since he is not home all day.
    So ladies, take a deep breath.  Our men are not perfect but most are willing to help if we just ask them to.  My husband doesn't know how to do much around the house but he is wonderful with LO so DH entertaining LO is sometimes all I need so I can get something else done.

    please don't flame me... trust me I am not perfect and I do melt down and threaten bodily harm to my husband quite often.  But he is doing better at trying to notice when I need help and I am trying to verbalize my needs to him.
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  • kgs0505kgs0505 member
    capstone52501 said:
     I understand your frustration I have been there but I have also learned that you DO have to verbalize your wants, needs, frustrations with your husband.   They are not wired like we are and do not pick up on our little or not so little cues.  
    I learned this one day after absolutely blowing a major gasket.   My husband told me he cant read my mind, I said "YOU CAN NOT SEE ME STRUGLING?" He said "no, you don't understand I don't know what your wanting me to do unless you tell me"  
    So I started asking/telling him when I needed help and things are so much better here.   In fact when LO was just a month or so old I was just beyond exhausted, my husband said on weekends (Thursday night-Saturday night) he would get up with LO so I could sleep.   So I pumped and made sure he had enough milk.   Those 3 nights were glorious, I could stay up a little later and talk to my husband  after LO went to bed and I got the much needed extra few hours of sleep.  It made a huge difference.
    I know several dads and no two are a like.  Our pastor loves his kids but he is not a baby guy so until they are walking and talking he doesn't have a lot to do with them.  He interacts with them but doesn't hold them a lot.  Then I know another guy, a children's pastor, who adores all of his kids, his wife is a SHM and he works literally from sun up to sun down, he has a job working long hours then they also have livestock and a farm he comes home to.  As soon as his babies are home from the hospital he takes on the night duty till they are sleeping through the night.  He says that his wife takes care of them all day and he feels like he needs to do his part since he is not home all day.
    So ladies, take a deep breath.  Our men are not perfect but most are willing to help if we just ask them to.  My husband doesn't know how to do much around the house but he is wonderful with LO so DH entertaining LO is sometimes all I need so I can get something else done.

    please don't flame me... trust me I am not perfect and I do melt down and threaten bodily harm to my husband quite often.  But he is doing better at trying to notice when I need help and I am trying to verbalize my needs to him.
    Love the vent Tondraluv, but this is right on.  Men really are clueless.  Take it as we make everything look so easy ;)  I hope you get a girls night out as often as he gets a guys night out at least.

    TTC since May 2006. After 3 failed Clomid cycles, 2 failed Injectibles/IUIs, 2 failed IVFs and 1 failed FET, we moved on to adoption! 

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  • JSS1002JSS1002 member
    I also agree that men are pretty clueless -- or rather, they just aren't wired to be intuitive the way women are.  That's why we have the babies. :-)
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  • tondraluvtondraluv member
    chgibeau said:
    Oh Tondraluv, I feel like I'm right there with you. I've even started to ask for what I need help with for DS and he still doesn't have a clue or won't do it. After this morning's 5 am bullshit, tonight he's getting an ear full.

    Yup i've communicated what I need done too & he was doing so well like I said in the beginning of my vent.  We were switching of laundry duty (this was his week), on his nights with LO (tues-thurs) he would give him a bath & just in general help out.  We talked about it today because I don't understand why he stopped doing these things.  He said "I figured you had it under control", so yes men are clueless.

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  • burneyonboardburneyonboard member
    Amen!  *drops offering in collection plate*
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  • MandmeeshMandmeesh member
    tondraluv said:
    chgibeau said:
    Oh Tondraluv, I feel like I'm right there with you. I've even started to ask for what I need help with for DS and he still doesn't have a clue or won't do it. After this morning's 5 am bullshit, tonight he's getting an ear full.

    Yup i've communicated what I need done too & he was doing so well like I said in the beginning of my vent.  We were switching of laundry duty (this was his week), on his nights with LO (tues-thurs) he would give him a bath & just in general help out.  We talked about it today because I don't understand why he stopped doing these things.  He said "I figured you had it under control", so yes men are clueless.

    Well, I'm sure you DID have it under control...but that's not fair! This is my issue sometimes too. I honestly CAN handle it all, but that doesn't mean I want to. You should get a headband that holds an index card and write on the card "HELP ME, PLEASE". Lol
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  • ClandestineXClandestineX member
    Mandmeesh said:
    tondraluv said:
    chgibeau said:
    Oh Tondraluv, I feel like I'm right there with you. I've even started to ask for what I need help with for DS and he still doesn't have a clue or won't do it. After this morning's 5 am bullshit, tonight he's getting an ear full.

    Yup i've communicated what I need done too & he was doing so well like I said in the beginning of my vent.  We were switching of laundry duty (this was his week), on his nights with LO (tues-thurs) he would give him a bath & just in general help out.  We talked about it today because I don't understand why he stopped doing these things.  He said "I figured you had it under control", so yes men are clueless.

    Well, I'm sure you DID have it under control...but that's not fair! This is my issue sometimes too. I honestly CAN handle it all, but that doesn't mean I want to. You should get a headband that holds an index card and write on the card "HELP ME, PLEASE". Lol
    Exactly my issue.
     
     
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