Talking to toddlers about how babies are made

Soap1 · October 2013

I've been really straightforward with my boys about what's going on with Baby #3 - how it got there, etc. When asked, I told DS1 the baby will come out of my vagina. When he asked how it got there, I told him that babies start to grow when a penis and a vagina come together and make the baby grow in a mommy's tummy. I accompanied this with talk about private parts and private conversations.

My ILs don't really seem to approve of my no-nonsense approach.

Have you had these conversations with your kids? What was your approach? Or what do you plan to do/say when asked? I won't lie and say it was the easiest conversation to have with my 4 year old, but I'm glad I handled it this way. Interested in other moms' views!

Soap1 · October 2013

fredalina said:

I answer questions asked without too much added. So far she knows babies grow in the uterus in the tummy and that they start out as a tiny speck called an embryo and grow bigger and bigger until they are "born". I'm sure "how did the speck get there" or "what is born" is next.

So what will you say??

LSU628 · October 2013

DD was 3 1/2 when DS was born. Truth be told, she really didn't ask too many questions. She just knew there was a baby in my tummy and that when he was born, he came out of my tummy and the dr helped. Somehow she got DS's umbilical cord and belly button confused b/c she thinks he came out of my belly button.

TiffanyBerry · October 2013

DD is three. She's asked generically, and I said that mommy and daddy make a baby together - mommy has one half and daddy gives her the other half then grows baby in her belly. Yeah, I didn't get detailed, but I had the distinct impression that she wasn't looking for any more detail than that sort of basic thing. I'll add more as she gets older and asks more detailed questions. (If she had asked, during that conversation, for more detail, I would have given her a similar description to what you did.)

sschwege · October 2013

That's so wonderful that you are being honest with them! This is the type of household I grew up in, I mean I knew what sex was before I was five. I have always known I would do the same with my kids.

DD recently said something about how I picked DS up from the hospital. I told her that I didn't pick him up, that I went to the hospital when DS was ready to come out. She then asked how DS got out and I told her that he came out of my vagina.

I haven't gotten the question of how babies get into tummies yet, but I think I will say something like, pp mentioned about saying mommy and daddy make a baby together.

kcisthebombdotcom · October 2013

I lied. $:\$ "> I was honest in the part that a baby grows from an egg in mommys belly and when the baby is too big to stay there, I went to the hospital and the doctors got the baby out. When ds said "oh, so they took the baby out of your belly button?" I just went with it. I did think the concept of a c section might be a bit much for a three year old though.

Soap1 · October 2013

I'm so glad I'm not the only no-nonsense parent out there! My ILs are very skeptical, but DH confessed recently that he actually thought sex took place in a woman's butt until he was far too old to be thinking that (late middle school!) so I'm not sure their approach worked.

I also know a lot of parents in my area go with "God put it there" explanations. That's inconsistent with our personal faith and beliefs, but more importantly, I want my kids to be informed from the very beginning because you certainly can't pray away a baby if you knock a girl up in HS!!

Thanks for all the stories of your experiences. Keep them coming! Knowing that other parents go for it with penis and vagina explanations makes me feel confident that I'm doing the right thing.

Now I'm just trying to get DS1 not to talk about it in preschool Show & Tell...

sugarbear0524 · October 2013

This is more of a generic comment, but I don't tell my in-laws (or parents) much about conversations like this unless I want their opinion. If you don't want them to weigh in on this subject or any other, don't tell them. DH and I just keep things to ourselves if we don't want feedback.

memali26 · October 2013

DD1 is 3.5 and asked how a baby was growing in my tummy and how it would get out, and we told her God helped mommy and daddy make the baby and helps it grow, and will help mommy and the dr's get the baby out when it's big and strong enough. That satisfied her for the moment, and as she starts asking more questions we'll give her more information. She's just starting to notice and ask about the difference between boys and girls, so I figure we'll cover penis vs. vagina first, then from there we'll build on it to the mechanics of the sperm joins with the egg, etc.

Even though we started with "God helps" I promise she'll be plenty informed by high school

Soap1 · October 2013

memali26 said:

DD1 is 3.5 and asked how a baby was growing in my tummy and how it would get out, and we told her God helped mommy and daddy make the baby and helps it grow, and will help mommy and the dr's get the baby out when it's big and strong enough. That satisfied her for the moment, and as she starts asking more questions we'll give her more information. She's just starting to notice and ask about the difference between boys and girls, so I figure we'll cover penis vs. vagina first, then from there we'll build on it to the mechanics of the sperm joins with the egg, etc.

Even though we started with "God helps" I promise she'll be plenty informed by high school

Oh I hope you don't think I was being insulting with that comment! I only said that because in my very, very conservative area of the country, many parents are opposed to any kind of comprehensive education on sex. As in, a "don't ask don't tell" policy on how babies are made. I know not all God-believing parents will stick with the God explanation for their children's entire lives.

memali26 · October 2013

Soap1 said:

memali26 said:

DD1 is 3.5 and asked how a baby was growing in my tummy and how it would get out, and we told her God helped mommy and daddy make the baby and helps it grow, and will help mommy and the dr's get the baby out when it's big and strong enough. That satisfied her for the moment, and as she starts asking more questions we'll give her more information. She's just starting to notice and ask about the difference between boys and girls, so I figure we'll cover penis vs. vagina first, then from there we'll build on it to the mechanics of the sperm joins with the egg, etc.

Even though we started with "God helps" I promise she'll be plenty informed by high school

Oh I hope you don't think I was being insulting with that comment! I only said that because in my very, very conservative area of the country, many parents are opposed to any kind of comprehensive education on sex. As in, a "don't ask don't tell" policy on how babies are made. I know not all God-believing parents will stick with the God explanation for their children's entire lives.

Not insulting, I just like to make sure people know not all religious people are crazy about this kind of stuff

countrymice06 · October 2013

My DD is almost three but she is very inquisitive. I just say that her baby brother is in there because we wanted her to have a brother. When I tell her the story of when she was born (which she asks for a lot), I just say we went to the doctor, and he had special tools to get the baby out. It works for now.

mexicolombiana · October 2013

My 3 year old asked me about babies and how they get into the bellies and I just said they grow there inside mommies. She seemed satisfied with that answer. obviously later we'll tell her more but she's 3, she doesn't really need to know more now. She also believes fairies are real so yeah.

BelhurstBride · October 2013

sugarbear0524 said:

This is more of a generic comment, but I don't tell my in-laws (or parents) much about conversations like this unless I want their opinion. If you don't want them to weigh in on this subject or any other, don't tell them. DH and I just keep things to ourselves if we don't want feedback.

In the case of DD she's the one who tells people about our conversations. For example, when she saw her playmates penis during a diaper change it sparked a conversation about different parts; that's when she learned that girls have vulvas and boys have penises. She was so proud/excited about this new information she pretty much told anyone who would listen.

OP, had DD asked enough questions about the baby in my belly I would have explained it similar to you. She was just never that interested.

Soap1 · October 2013

fredalina said:

My 3 year old asked me about babies and how they get into the bellies and I just said they grow there inside mommies. She seemed satisfied with that answer. obviously later we'll tell her more but she's 3, she doesn't really need to know more now. She also believes fairies are real so yeah.
See, IMO this kind of answer is fine but would never satisfy my daughter. She asks very pointed and detailed questions and doesn't let to of a topic that interests her until she's satisfied. I have found with her, the direct answer, but still simple, is better because we'll end up there eventually anyway.

Agree that this answer wouldn't fly with my kid. When he first asked how the baby would get out, I tried to go with "Oh the doctor will help me get it out," but he immediately went to, "How? Where? When?" I had to go for the vagina explanation right away.

Then when he asked how it got in there, I asked him what he thought, and he said, "Did it crawl up your vagina?"

I managed not to die laughing, and explained the very basic penis/vagina thing. :P

Soap1 · October 2013

BelhurstBride said:

sugarbear0524 said:

This is more of a generic comment, but I don't tell my in-laws (or parents) much about conversations like this unless I want their opinion. If you don't want them to weigh in on this subject or any other, don't tell them. DH and I just keep things to ourselves if we don't want feedback.

In the case of DD she's the one who tells people about our conversations. For example, when she saw her playmates penis during a diaper change it sparked a conversation about different parts; that's when she learned that girls have vulvas and boys have penises. She was so proud/excited about this new information she pretty much told anyone who would listen.

OP, had DD asked enough questions about the baby in my belly I would have explained it similar to you. She was just never that interested.

Yes, my boys love to talk about what they know, and my MIL actually asked DS1 how he thought the baby got into my belly. I'm sure she was expecting some kind of hilarious answer about magical elves or something, but instead he told her very matter-of-factly that babies grow in a mommy's tummy after a penis and a vagina come together.

I was proud. She was a bit shocked!

erbear · October 2013

I explained it the same way you did, only with "the baby grows in the mommy's uterus". I'm kind of an honesty is the best policy kinda mama.

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