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Notifying other parent of sick child

agibbyagibby member
in Blended Families
So, if you have a sick child, vomiting and cannot go to school, and that child is to go to the other parent the next day, do you notify that other parent right away that your child is sick and vomiting?

We have family access to SS school. I see that he is absent today, vomiting. I call DH and ask if he has been called by BM. Nope, nothing. If I hadn't checked the family access website, we would know nothing. Good thing I happened to check on his lunch money status today!

 We have SS tomorrow. Both DH and I work full time jobs, and have 4 other children, 2 of which have appointments tomorrow. I think:

 1.) I would want to know if my child were sick and vomiting. In fact, I know if we did not tell BM right away she would throw a fit. 

2.) It's common courtesy to inform that other parent, so that that other parent can make alternate plans in case child is still sick. 

Am I wrong? I mean, it's 2 pm! DH is slammed at work lately as am I so giving bosses a heads up, being able to talk about who might have to stay home with SS, those are all things that we should be able to discuss. Plus we have 4 other children, one of whom is a baby, so if SS is sick we would like to know so we are able to keep him away from her until he is better.

And am I wrong to be a little concerned that this is the 6th time in a row of SS time at BM's house that he has been sick? DH and I are wondering what the heck is going on. I know SS had told us about huge fights between BM and SF, bad enough where SS goes to his room and shuts the door. 

I get it that we aren't privy to how she parents, etc but shouldn't she be letting DH know that SS is throwing up?
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Re: Notifying other parent of sick child

  • CFjo2010CFjo2010 member
    I think parents should notify each other if their child is sick, regardless of whose home the child is going to be at the next day.  It's just a courtesy that should be done, in my opinion.  People are contagious for a couple days before showing symptoms, and sometimes it takes longer for some to actually show signs of being sick.  A little heads up will at least put the other parent on notice that they too might become ill, or other people in the home might be getting sick soon.  Example: If K is with us for the weekend but she starts vomiting on Monday, I'd like to know so that I can watch for the rest of us to potentially become ill.  And if K is with us and she starts vomiting on Saturday, we would let BM know since she was just with BM on Thursday.  Not to accuse her of not telling us, but more of a "Hey just so you know, K's been puking.  Hopefully the rest of you aren't sick as well".
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  • agibbyagibby member
    Over the summer this happened where SS threw up the night before, along with diarrhea at night, and BM dropped him off at our daycare anyway. I ended up having to leave work right away in the morning (I have an hour commute too) to go get him because he was sick. Frustrating! She should have just let DH right away. Instead she sent him to daycare around 2 other babies too. And then argued that she didn't know the policy of our daycare. WTH? ANY daycare (including hers) does not want a sick child there!

     And wouldn't you think this clause in the court order covers notifying the other parent of a sick child?:

    (iii)       Information as to Welfare of Dependent Child.  Each parent shall provide the other parent promptly with receipt of any significant information regarding the welfare of the child, including physical and mental health, performance in school, extracurricular activities, etc.


    Not that DH should ever have to bring the CO out, because this is about common courtesy, but he will because that's the only thing BM won't argue with!

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  • JessH1474JessH1474 member
    Ideally, yes the other parent should be notified.  That has never happened in our situation though.  Until it was court ordered that BM had to tell us about Dr's appointments and things like that we didn't even know with SS went to the Dr. until she wanted half of the co-pay, much less if he was just sick.  SS used to come over when he was smaller with strep, pneumonia and other contagious things with a bag full of antibiotics.  That served as our notification, even though we had another small child in the house at that time.  I would probably just have DH send her an email and ask that if she's sick in the future, if BM can just send a quick email or text to let him know, that way he's in the loop if something were to go from bad to worse and he can prepare if he will have to miss work to stay home with her on his time.
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  • SimpleJaneSimpleJane member
    Maybe shes busy taking care of a vomiting kid and she plans on calling him later today? I always tell XH when the kids are sick or miss school, but my kids are clingy and whiny with the stomach flu so he might not get a call until late afternoon.
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  • agibbyagibby member
    edited October 2013
    SimpleJane said:
    Maybe shes busy taking care of a vomiting kid and she plans on calling him later today? I always tell XH when the kids are sick or miss school, but my kids are clingy and whiny with the stomach flu so he might not get a call until late afternoon.
    Knowing her history with this type of thing, I doubt it. We'll see though. And I've had 3 kids down with the stomach bug before and been able to make a quick call or text. I mean, you have to leave the kids to pee sometime right? :c)   And if she had time to call the school this morning, then she certainly had time to call DH. 

    But, I suppose it could be personality differences too. I am always very respectful of people's time so would make sure to have DH call BM right away if SS got sick. I'm the type of person that if I think I'm going to be a minute late somewhere, I'll call to give that person a head's up. I just really try to be courteous of everyone in these kinds of situations. Perhaps BM just doesn't think that way.

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  • Lavender PLavender P member

    BM never tells us when SS is sick. She sent him over with strep throat and fifth's disease while I was pregnant, without even giving us a head's up. We wouldn't have told her to keep him home, but I wouln't have been hugging and kissing all over him like we normally do. The court order states that she is supposed to notify DH, and he made it clear that he wasn't going to play games about SS being sick, especially since we have a baby in the house now as well. It's so inconsiderate not to.

     

    @SimpleJane, it takes literally a minute to send a text saying "heads up, DS is sick and at home throwing up today. Will keep you posted."  

    "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." ~ Lao Tzu
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  • +just+j++just+j+ member

    If XH is going to get DD the next day and DD is sick....I'm telling him because I know damn well he is incapable of caring for her and that she will not be going to his house.  (Excuse me... for those following my story...his girlfriend's home.)

    Yes. It is common courtesy to contact you. Would I be concerned? No. Not unless the child is hospitalized for dehydration repeatedly. Kids will go thru sick phases. 

    Have a discussion and request that they notify you ASAP so you all are on the same page and can make proper arrangements, coordinate care etc. 

    It's alllll just a matter of expressing your wishes.

     

    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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  • bebe11bebe11 member
    My dd is home sick today, I sent her dad a message telling him. So, yes I think the other parent should be notified.

     

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  • SimpleJaneSimpleJane member
    Meh, I never call until I have a minute to talk. It usually ends up being a conversation. How long has he been puking? How much? Is he keeping down fluids? Should he stay home tomorrow? That sort of thing. So sometimes its not first thing in the morning that I notify him.
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