Racist Comments

Sol1790 · October 2013

I am so mad right now. I decided to face time SO dad because he wanted to see the baby ok cool. But the whole time he kept making these stupid (in my opinion) racist comments and they made me extremely upset. I am mexican both of my parents are from mexico and I am first generation american and my SO he is white,blue eyes,blonde hair you get the picture. He kept saying how she is "so mexican looking" and how she would be prettier with "daddy's blue eyes" and what are you going to feed her "bean burritos" or how I shouldn't speak spanish to her "we are in america" Gosh my eyes are fighting tears of anger right now. I bit my tongue so hard not to be disrespectful. But he hurt my feelings. My daughter is precious just the way she is and I hate how her grandfather never said "she is so cute" or "cant wait to see her" nothing

Sorry I'm just letting of some steam idk how to tell SO this bc's I know I am going to tell him his dad is a complete asshole!

Kate_C · October 2013

WTF. That is all I have to say about that. Your daughter is beautiful just the way she is. If grandpa has a problem with her parentage, he doesn't need to be a part of her life. What an unbelievable asshole.

ClandestineX · October 2013

I would not bite my tongue if I were you.

I am very sorry your SO's father did that to you. If I were you, I'd tell your SO exactly how you feel about that, it should not be taken lightly. If he gets offended by that then so be it, but he should respect you and your daughter. It sounds to me like his father does not deserve to be in you or your daughters life... he'll be the only one missing anything good.

His father sounds like the type of person with a big mac between his teeth saying "THIS IS 'MURRICA"

tondraluv · October 2013

I am so sorry that dipshit can't see how beautiful Jasmine is. I hate how people try to subtly throw in race in conversations. DH is black, I am biracial. My MIL always makes comments about me raising Brayden the "white way" just because I won't let her feed him mashed potatoes & chicken bones. At the end of the day grandpa can suck & it's truly his lose. Creepy internet hugs

Sol1790 · October 2013

Thanks ladies let me say he was pretending to joke but I know he was not. And if he was joking you do not joke like that. I will def never again facetime him to see my daughter. I am not getting over this easily.

teddib20 · October 2013

Aww! I’m sorry you had to go through what should have been an enjoyable conversation.

I do have to add that I am half Hispanic, and I wish I was full sometimes. I completely embrace that part of me and the side of my family who are 100%. I love the darker features that I have from being half Hispanic and I prayed for my daughter to some of those features too! (She has blue eyes, but still crossing my fingers for darker hair/complexion!)

And next time, tell him, “Hell yeah I’m going to feed her bean burritos because they’re effing amazing! Especially with some chips, salsa, and guacamole on the side!"

Hugs.<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

teddib20 · October 2013

I have no clue why those codes are in there. Lame I can't delete them.

Sol1790 · October 2013

teddidan said:

Aww!
I’m sorry you had to go through what should have been an enjoyable
conversation.

I
do have to add that I am half Hispanic, and I wish I was full sometimes. I
completely embrace that part of me and the side of my family who are 100%. I
love the darker features that I have from being half Hispanic and I prayed for
my daughter to some of those features too! (She has blue eyes, but still
crossing my fingers for darker hair/complexion!)

And
next time, tell him, “Hell yeah I’m going to feed her bean burritos because they’re
effing amazing! Especially with some chips, salsa, and guacamole on the side!” <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

Hugs.
lol I should have said something like that.

La Olivia · October 2013

IMO you will have to talk to your SO about it. As your baby gets older those comments might cause her to have negative feelings about her appearance or ethnicity. They might also lead to her repeatong inappropriate things. Not cool.

I'm a little biased, as my LO is also mexican on my side, but I don't see how your baby could be any prettier.

Sol1790 · October 2013

@LaOlivia yes I am going to have to say something. I don't want my daughter to grow up hearing that stuff. Those thoughts never cross my mind I don't understand how they cross other people's mind.

tondraluv · October 2013

Sol1790 said:
Thanks ladies let me say he was pretending to joke but I know he was not. And if he was joking you do not joke like that. I will def never again facetime him to see my daughter. I am not getting over this easily.

What's the saying? There's a little bit of truth to every joke. Who even jokes like that openly

Sol1790 · October 2013

@tondraluv I totally understand my gramma tells me the same thing because she wants to feed my daughter everything I have no idea what "the white way" means! People and their ignorance!

tondraluv · October 2013

Sol1790 said:
@tondraluv I totally understand my gramma tells me the same thing because she wants to feed my daughter everything I have no idea what "the white way" means! People and their ignorance!

RIGHT! It's like if it's not cultural then it's the "white way" I guess. I swear, ethnic people can be some of the most prejudice/racist

Mommymorticia · October 2013

No, no, no. Several "joking" comments like that and it makes you wonder if they are thinking of skin color all the time. That would be it for me. That's the last thing your daughter needs to hear.

skidderdo · October 2013

Does he have to be a part of your LO's life? He seems kinda terrible. Sorry to be completely honest but I would ditch him like a bad habit.
PS your daughter is stunning. And I am having our nanny speak only Spanish with our son. Bilingual kids have higher IQs.

Sol1790 · October 2013

@chgibeau I tried to do the same thing during our conversation correct him,teach him,explain myself but honestly it is like you said people don't change. I hope that if he cant change he can learn to keep those comments to himself for my daughter's sake.

Sol1790 · October 2013

skidderdo said:
Does he have to be a part of your LO's life? He seems kinda terrible. Sorry to be completely honest but I would ditch him like a bad habit.
PS your daughter is stunning. And I am having our nanny speak only Spanish with our son. Bilingual kids have higher IQs.

Thank you. And now a days being bilingual is such an advantage for future jobs! And for now I am keeping my distance.

lilbit0910 · October 2013

Ughh he is such an asshole! Jasmine is perfect and he doesn't deserve to be in her life . I hate ignorance especially when it is so close to home . U better make sure your SO says something to him about it

burneyonboard · October 2013

Sol1790 said:

@LaOlivia yes I am going to have to say something. I don't want my daughter to grow up hearing that stuff. Those thoughts never cross my mind I don't understand how they cross other people's mind.

What a jerk! Your LO is beautiful. You are right to say something bc you don't want her around that as she gets older.

arschm02 · October 2013

teddidan said:

Aww! I’m sorry you had to go through what should have been an enjoyable conversation.

I do have to add that I am half Hispanic, and I wish I was full sometimes. I completely embrace that part of me and the side of my family who are 100%. I love the darker features that I have from being half Hispanic and I prayed for my daughter to some of those features too! (She has blue eyes, but still crossing my fingers for darker hair/complexion!)

And next time, tell him, “Hell yeah I’m going to feed her bean burritos because they’re effing amazing! Especially with some chips, salsa, and guacamole on the side!"

Hugs.<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

Ha this is me too. Well, not me, but DH is half Mexican and I'm white. I was expecting this beautiful brown baby with dark features because they tend to be more dominant. This is exactly how he was born. Then as time went by, his black hair turned light brown and his deep brown/red skin turned pale... Still has grey/blue eyes. To be completely honest he is equally as cute and perfect looking like a little Mexican baby as he is looking like a little White baby. Tell your SO's dad to shut it unless he wants to bring over those delicious bean burritos for you to eat!

Sol1790 · October 2013

@lilbit0910 oh I will! Im not looking forward to that conversation but def need to have it.

JSS1002 · October 2013

I am so sorry. I have to confess that I read it really fast and thought it was your SO that was saying those things, and I was about to blow a gasket.

I would tell your SO exactly what was said - in a respectful but honest way,and ask him to either speak to his dad or to set the stage for you to do so.

pinottoparenthood · October 2013

@tondraluv Because chicken bones aren't a choking hazard or anything. Sol, your baby is gorgeous. Screw anyone who says otherwise. I agree with pp's that it's something that needs to be brought up with SO. If his dad can't change his attitude and get respectful pretty damn quickly, I would cut him out altogether.

kgs0505 · October 2013

I was so worried about this with some of my family members when I had my first, he's biracial. He actually looks pretty ambiguous but he's AA/CA. Anyway - my uncle is pretty bad with the comments too, but we've butted heads over it several times over the years and he knows what I won't take (basically any racist comments about any group whatsoever). Your SO's dad just sounds ignorant and full of old petty stereotypes that he probably grew up with. Not that that's an excuse, but it's probably a fact. My uncle absolutely ADORES my son. So, he's seeing in person his pre-concieved stereotypes are not true, or accurate.

Definitely speak with your FIL and tell him how offensive his comments are. Let him know that if he can't refrain from these types of comments he may not interact with his Granddaughter. Although, I suspect meeting her in person will probably help change his tune, maybe not right away, but it will help. Good luck and I hope you can have this conversation in a constructive manner that will allow FIL to realize how he sounded.

Sol1790 · October 2013

kgs0505 said:
I was so worried about this with some of my family members when I had my first, he's biracial. He actually looks pretty ambiguous but he's AA/CA. Anyway - my uncle is pretty bad with the comments too, but we've butted heads over it several times over the years and he knows what I won't take (basically any racist comments about any group whatsoever). Your SO's dad just sounds ignorant and full of old petty stereotypes that he probably grew up with. Not that that's an excuse, but it's probably a fact. My uncle absolutely ADORES my son. So, he's seeing in person his pre-concieved stereotypes are not true, or accurate.

Definitely speak with your FIL and tell him how offensive his comments are. Let him know that if he can't refrain from these types of comments he may not interact with his Granddaughter. Although, I suspect meeting her in person will probably help change his tune, maybe not right away, but it will help. Good luck and I hope you can have this conversation in a constructive manner that will allow FIL to realize how he sounded.

I really liked how you put it. I have not talked to him yet because he IS my daughter's grandfather and I am trying my best to not start a huge fight. I do want to make my point but in a more civilized way than a bad argument. Im glad your uncle loves your son! People just need to let go of their stereo types.

Lauraperez413 · October 2013

I wouldn't take my daughter over there for a while, long enough to where they ask why you haven't gone. Its hard to be around negative people and your not in the position emotionally to deal with ignorance. They probably didn't mean anything bad by it but being Hispanic and my husband is white his grandparents are already saying they hope the baby has blue eyes. Seriously? I just laugh and visit when absolutely necessary. Other than than im too busy to go by and hear bull shit comments.

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