Community› The Bump Message Boards› Blended Families
Blended Families
New Discussion

What do you need to work on? What do you do well?

SimpleJaneSimpleJane member
in Blended Families
I try to take a step back every now and then and evaluate my situation and look at how my family is handling things. Its good to try to see where we are thriving and where we are hurting and what I can do to make everything work better.

So, what do I need to work on?

Stress. I get too focused on work and money and just robot through my days sometimes. I want to focus on enjoying the little things more and showing my children how to ENJOY life.

On the same token, winter is coming and we all tend to get grumpy and lazy in the winter. It kills our moods to always be inside. I want to be sure ti stay focused on keeping us active and fun as the weather changes.

I also need to give J more love and attention. Going along with being stressed I tend to put him in the backburner and focus on everything else.


So, what am I doing well?

My kids are loved and they know it. Even having to share time they still have been getting a lot of quality 1 on 1.

Discipline issues are few and far between. I
have always been strict with my expectations and they are very well
behaved because of it.

DS is doing great in school. We have all come together to support all of his academic and sports activities and even as a BF things are going so smoothly.

Report Reply to Post

Re: What do you need to work on? What do you do well?

  • SimpleJaneSimpleJane member
    Feel free to share yours as well!
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • sweetwalkssweetwalks member
    Awesome post!

    I do the same, just not nearly as often as I should.

    What do I need to work on?

    I have issues with the way DH parents DC sometimes, but not SK. He's much harder & harsher with DC, and not in an abusive way, but a way I feel is unfair, so I tend to take over all of the discipline for DC and that upsets DH, rightfully so. I need to do better about voicing my opinions, keeping communication open and consistent but taking a step back sometimes and letting DH be a parent too with DC.

    What am I doing well?

    DH and I struggled for a while with communication and affection. Due to my past, I have some very screwed up ways of thinking and feeling and I kept blaming DH for not knowing exactly what to do. He has some residual issues from his childhood and we were having problems finding each other in the middle. We've spent years talking about it constantly, over and over again. Things would get better, then right back to "normal". We're doing SO well now, and it makes me happy.

    As always, kids are loved, happy and well taken care of so that doesn't count for me. It's not something I've wanted to work on, so I just don't count it :)
    Report Reply
  • Lavender PLavender P member
    What I need to work on:
    1. Going to bed earlier and getting more sleep. I am working 40-50 hours a week and have a toddler to chase after and I need to have the energy to do both.

    2. Letting BM's drama and attitude effect the way I feel about SS. I have gotten much better at this but I need to stop associating SS with his difficult mother. It is in no way a reflection of him or his fault she sucks. It is never outwardly, but I don't want to even feel resentful towards him or the situation, because he doesn't deserve it.

    3. Stressing about everything! Relaxing is not my forte.

    4. Eating better: I've never needed to lose weight and my sweet tooth rules all food decisions. I've been doing awesome working out but need to cut out the chocolate!


    What I'm doing well:
    1. Spending time everyday doing something special with DS. I decided I didn't want to live for the weekends and now I make sure DS and I get some special time everyday, even if it is just snuggling before work or letting him stay up a few minutes later so we can play longer.

    2. Working out. I've been working ou everyday at least 5-6 days a week an I feel great.

    3. Making sure that I still have special time with SS and that he knows he is equally important to me. He still tells me that his BM and SF don't spend time with him, apart from the other kids they have, and I feel extra pressure to make sure he and I always get one on one together. It's hard because when DS is napping I just want to tune out or relax but I always play board games with SS or spend time with him talking.

    4. Spending time with DH and making sure that even wih the craziness of work and school we don't get overwhelmed and find time to enjoy each other.
    "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." ~ Lao Tzu
    Report Reply
  • CurlieWhirlieCurlieWhirlie member
    This board is so much like therapy, it's great! 

    What I need to work on: 

    Control issues — I can't control anyone but myself, and I need to remind myself of that and let go. And I need to stop myself from trying to take on too much, or believing that if I don't do something, it won't get done. It stresses me out and it makes me bitchy to be around.

    Working out — In my first pregnancy, I worked out all the time at the gym, ate really well, and generally felt great. This time, I felt pretty awful through the first trimester, plus I now have a much more stressful job, a four-year-old, and a blended family situation at home (which is great, it's just more people to worry about). It's been harder to take that time for myself and feel good about going to the gym, or going to prenatal yoga. I'm going to go this Sunday. Damnit.


    What I am doing well:

    Keeping up a good relationship with BD, which is so beneficial for DS and we can both see it. He can sometimes be passive-aggressive, and he doesn't always do much to help himself, but will play up the "I'm so sad and lonely" angle to make me feel bad. I am proud of myself for almost always calling him on it, talking it out, and not letting it make me feel responsible for his happiness. It has allowed us to continue to have a good relationship and open communication.

    Communicating openly with SO about the way we relate to each others' kids and families. This can be a touchy subject, but I think so far we have done a really good job of clearly communicating our own feelings and expectations, and adjusting for the other person's feelings and expectations, so we can be on the same page regarding parenting our blended horde of children.
    Report Reply
  • KTdiditKTdidit member

    What I need to work on:

    I need to chill out and relax more often. I get so caught up in things that need to be done that it's hard for me to slow down and just chill out. Stop worrying about everything, especially things that I can't do anything about. And I need to give more special attention to DH. We haven't had a lot of sexy time lately and that's totally my fault. Again, with the being caught up in what needs to be done and work work work. I've been neglecting him.

    What I'm doing well:

    Even though we've blown our monthly budget the past couple months, overall we are in a much better place financially. And I take all the credit :D  DS has been learning so much lately, and though that's not all from me I'm incredibly proud of him. He's well mannered, polite, and considerate. DH and I have been doing a great job raising such a good kid.

    BabyFetus Ticker


    image
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"