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Attachment Parenting
starbuck12
member
10 Months...No Sleep...Yawn...
starbuck12
member
I know most discussions one parent boards are about sleep, but I steer clear of those because most end up in a suggestion of CIO. I know how damaging that can be for babies' developing brains so I won't do it. Period. But I'm going on 10 months now of a baby who won't sleep more than 2 1/2 hours at a time. We've literally tried everything we can think of: footie pajamas, no footie pajamas, noise, no noise, blanket, no blanket, hot room, cool room, comfortable temp. room, avocado before bed, no avocado, music, no music, co-sleeping, bed-sharing, sleeping in pack-n-play, sleeping in crib, nursing to sleep, not nursing to sleep, rocking to sleep, not rocking to sleep, having dad comfort him in the night, late bed time, early bed time. Doesn't matter what we do, the kid won't sleep for more than 2 1/2 hours at a time. As I said, CIO isn't an option because of what it does to babies' brains, but I'm at the end of my ever-loving rope. Need some help from mammas who believe in gentle parenting. Thanks much!
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Re: 10 Months...No Sleep...Yawn...
Can you give more detail on what happens when LO wakes up? Are they quick nursing wake ups or is LO waking up and staying awake? What does LO's nap schedule look like? Bedtime/wake up schedule? Give more detail and folks might be able to offer some good tips!
Hang in there. SLeep deprivation is so, so, so hard.
Does LO wake wanting to nurse, to play, or to have a diaper change?
Have you installed blackout curtains to make the room very very dark at night?
What is LO's daytime schedule like? Does he seem extra cranky during the day?
How is his weight gain and development?
Has LO been diagnosed with any allergies, reflux, or is he often gassy?
It typically is recommended to keep the house cooler and baby dressed warmly rather than the other way around (warm house, light clothing). It's safer, healthier, more comfortable, and combined with an atmosphere of sleep is supposed to promote the best rest.
As far as teething goes, we think he may be teething, he's extra drooly and chewy, but it doesn't seem to affect him otherwise. Plus, he's been that way since he was 2 months old, so we're not sure if he really is teething or if that's just him. We've tried homeopathic gel and tablets at night hoping that if it was teething it'd help, but he still wakes.
He's ahead developmentally, not yet 8 months and already taking steps with minimal help. He is a little small for his age, in the 15th% for EBF babies. But he's always been that way, so it's normal for him. He's got a healthy appetite. We started solids at 6 months but just for fun, and it's been mostly avocado, sweet potato, and banana. We've stepped solids up a little the last two weeks, doing 2 teaspoons three times a day after breastfeeding. We offer more, but he always seems to only want about 2 teaspoons. He doesn't deal with any allergies, asthma or reflux, and unlike myself as a baby, he's never been colicky or gassy.
And go...
Me-36, Unexplained Infertility, DH-35, all clear
Clomid 50mg 12/2011 = BFN
Clomid 100mg 1/2012 = BFN, with Cyst
IVF #1 Lupron/Menopur/Gonal-f/HCG Trigger
ER 4/19/12 = 11 retrieved, 6 fertilized,
ET 4/22/12 = 2 transfered (day 3), remaining 3 weren't good enough to freeze
Beta 5/3 = BFP, 87 Beta #2 5/7 560.9 Beta #3 5/9 1376.5 First u/s One Baby, 125bpm!
Second u/s, 176bmp! Kicked over to the OB by the RE at 8w. Team Green!!
He may be growing, teething, or the excitement of his newfound skill (walking) might be keeping him restless. There's always something new that encourages wakefulness, it seems!
Some nursing moms find that bedsharing helps them sleep better despite the wakings, because they can offer the boob and slip seamlessly back to sleep. And being so close to baby, he won't wake enough to make it hard for him to fall back asleep if the boob is right there. You may want to give bedsharing a second try.
DS (23 months) still stirs a bit during the night and wants to nurse, but I've always found it pretty easy to nurse while sleeping. DH never notices DS waking anymore because I'm so quick to get him the boob if he starts to stir.
There's a great book available (not a sleep training book) written by a pediatrician, that details the normal sleep patterns of humans at every age. It helps parents understand what's normal and what to expect from their children as they grow and develop. It is called Sweet Dreams. Here's a link:
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B005M4Z3KG
This is a really great book! He does not advocate sleep training or CIO, but does offer some solutions for when a baby (or anyone) finds themselves outside the normal realm for sleep.
Breastmilk can be baby's sole source of nutrition in year one, and in year two, it can still be baby's primary source of nutrition, but solids add nutritional benefit at that time.
So don't worry if DS is not too interested in solid foods yet. Some kids don't start eating solids regularly until they're well over a year old. Moving at his own pace solids-wise, is a healthy and recommended way to go.
"It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness." - Eleanor Roosevelt
This may be a "non-AP" suggestion; but have you tried having him sleep in his own room? You mentioned that you were a light sleeper. Perhaps then you might sleep through some of his little noises/whatever, but would wake if he really needed you or hubby. Also, maybe if he can't smell, see you he won't be as inclined to need to nurse. Might make it easier for dad to comfort him too.
You can take or leave my suggestion. We don't believe in CIO, but our son has always primarily slept in his own room with us listening on the monitor.
Source: weheartit.com via Captain on Pinterest
Your problem is tricky. Obviously your LO knows how to join sleep cycles since he sleeps for more than 45 minutes at a time. I will also say that your LO is still quite young. That said, I'm a big believer that everyone needs sleep.
My "sleep story" is this: My LO (almost 10 months old) usually gets up twice a night (a night is between 7:30 pm and 7 am), sometimes 3 times. I'm okay with that. Once is awesome, twice is sustainable, three times puts me over the edge but since it only happens every once in a while, it's ok. Like others here, I haven't had a solid night's sleep in almost a year. It's hard. Very hard.
Like you, I am a light sleeper and bedsharing didn't work fo rus. Plus, I like to move a lot in my sleep and felt like i couldn't do that with LO in bed with us. Bedsharing is great, and truly helps some folks get more sleep, but it doesn't work for others.
From the start, sleep with my LO was hard. Very hard. Sometiems it would get better (longer stretches) and then it would "regress" again.
When our LO was around 6 months old, she was getting up every hour. I kid you not. I am a working mama and was a walking zombie. After about 6 weeks like this, we decided to follow the Good Night Sleep Tight/sleep lady shuffle sleep training book and modified it so that we never left LO to cry alone, but we did make sure that when she actually eventually fell asleep she was in her crib (as opposed to my arms), with us next to her, comforting with presence, occasional back rubbing, and soft verbal comfort. I would pick her up and comfort while we were working on this, but then put her back down as soon as she calmed down. This worked for us and I felt ok with it. I know this isn't for everyone, and that's ok, but I had to find a way to get her to sleep better without doing some kind of abandoning or CIO routine. There were tears involved, but she was never (and is still never) left to cry alone. Within two days, she would go into her crib, happy, roll over, talk to herself a little, and go to sleep. If she doesn't do that now, then I know something isn't right and I pick her up to comfort her. I know that there will be sleep "regressions" (I hate that word) in our future and that this will pass. But when I was a walking zombie, I couldn't see that - all I knew is that I was utterly exhausted and starting to resent everything.
If I were in your shoes, I would do the following - I would do them gradually and not expect changes overnight (literally!). Some of these are probably not strict-AP-friendly, but I dont' consider them to be non-AP either. Most importantly, I am not a supporter of CIO. I can't do that and don't think it's good for babies. That said, I do think sleep is important - for mama too, and we don't need to be martyrs and I think there are things we can do to respectfully teach our LOs to sleep better.
1) Move LO to their own room. Yes, the downside is that you have to pad down the hall, but if he starts to wake less, then it may be worth it, especially since you aren't getting back to sleep anyway. Make sure you have a comfy chair in that room that you can rest/sit in when you are nursing or comforting, which you may be doing a lot of at first. Some babies just sleep better in their own space. This turned out to be the case with our LO. I think my tossing and turning and my husband's occasional snoring was disturbing her sleep.
2) Have DH do at least one of the night wakings. If LO is waking every 2 - 3 hours, then this way you should be able to get at least 4 - 5 hours of continuous sleep. Yes, this means that at first your LO may wake up and it will take DH an hour to get him back down. But hopefully that would change after a few days. I would continue to have DH offer a pacifier. Find one that he likes. Our LO uses a paci to help her go to sleep - it is the Gerbers First Essentials Latex paci. It's hard to find so we have to order it, but it is most like a nipple. I used to be anti-pacifiers, but I am now a convert, as long as they are used cautiously and not just to "shut baby up".
3) Use the typical sleep-conducive environmental factors: deep, loud, rumbling white noise, room darkening curtains, cool temperature but dressed warmly (we do 68 degrees and dress LO in a onesie, footed pajamas, and a halo sleep sack), good solid bedtime routine (we do massage, diaper, pajamas, breastfeed, prayers, story, lights out, rock for a couple of minutes and then down in crib. [As previously mentioned, we followed a modified sleep lady shuffle to get LO to be able to put herself to sleep - I can give mroe info on that if you want it, but you can just buy the book and modify yourself - the KEY, as it is with babies in general and especially sleep "shaping", is consistency].
Finally, go to bed early yourself. The key is to get yourself the most sleep possible. I try to be in bed by 9, lights out by 9:30. I don't always make that, but it's a goal.
Whatever you do, I think you have to try something for a solid two weeks before youc an evaluate if it's working or not. Some babies take longer to catch on, and that's ok. You list A LOT of stuff you've tried, which I get - when you're at your wits end, it si really hard. But that's a lot of different variables to have tried out on a 7 month old. I would encourage you to find something that resonates with you and your gentle style of parenting and then be consistent... down to the most minute details... for two weeks to see if it makes a difference.
Good luck. It's so, so, so hard. You're doing a great job, mama!
ETA: You said 10 months in your post but your siggy indicates your LO is 7 months. My advice doesn't really change because of that, but if 10 months then I think you can definitely do some gentle sleep training that doesnt' involve CIO... I think that at 7 months too, but even more so at 10 months. THat said, I think LO will be more resistant at 10 months than he would have been at 7 months... good luck!
If it helps, know that sleep disturbances peak for BFed babies around 10 months. Both of my boys have done this. DS1 woke every 2 hours until about 14 months (when it changed to 3-4 because my nipples just could not handle nursing every 2 hours while that pregnant any more) and DS2 wakes every 2-3 unless he's teething in which case it is every 1-1.5 hours (he's 14 months this week). For our family, it is tiring but not usually problematic, so we just roll with it. I roll to my side, latch baby on, and go back to sleep. I know many, many other nursing, cosleeping moms who experience the same thing. I think it is abnormal in terms of what parents share in our culture, but not abnormal or unhealthy in terms of the realities of cue-nursing baby (which is about way more than food). Think of it as a more global-style of parenting.
When I stopped looking at the clock and stopped thinking of it as abnormal, I was better able to go with the flow. DH and I cope by having him go to bed around 10, so he's rested enough to take the boys when they wake up around 6 and I can get in a bit of extra sleep in the morning while the three of them are up getting ready for the day. If this is truly problematic, then change something. But, if it is more a case of misaligned expectations, know that you are within the realm of normal.
More Green For Less Green
"It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness." - Eleanor Roosevelt
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