FIL drama

JLW0504 · October 2013

Back story: DH's parents divorced 27 years ago. Their hatred for each other is just as fresh today as it was then.

Yesterday: FIL tells DH that he set up a camping trip for Oct. 16. Our CS is scheduled for the 15th. DH asks his dad if he'll be able to stop by and meet his Granddaughter. FIL says, well, I will try but you know your mother will be there. I will do my best though.

Mind you, we've ALL known about the CS for about 5 weeks now. He planned this camping trip over this past weekend. I told MH that if his dad intentionally skipped the birth of his granddaughter because he doesn't want to run into his EX wife of 27 years, I would be beyond pissed.

Thanks for reading. I just needed to get this off my chest. As soon as I find a killer gig, I will ETA this post.

cdbayes · October 2013

That's pretty shitty. You would think that their granddaughter's arrival might bring them some happiness and forget the fact that they hate each other for a few hours...

ksimo6 · October 2013

Agree with cdbayes. Seems very immature and petty on his part. Grow up.

hartsl01 · October 2013

Definitely agree with PP's. It's just so weird to me that after that many years, grown-up's can't get over crap.

I hope things work out OK and you won't have to deal with the stress of IL's!

megs1409 · October 2013

Agree with PP, but generally, he's an adult and it's a choice with repercussions he'll have to live with. Try not to let that get you down. Sounds like you have a very loving MIL, so embrace that! Many people don't have grandparents in their childs lives at all.

acethebase · October 2013

Jesus, he needs to grow a set and be a man..... Better yet be a grandfather. He really needs to stop revolving him life around places he "may" run into his EX..... Geesh apparently he's STILL letting her control his life and the decisions he makes......That is all

Palereadhead · October 2013

Some people just don't grow up... I don't think you should let it bother you too much.

I've made the decision that my father will not be involved in my daughter's life- he doesn't deserve to even know her. I have a great relationship with my grandfather, and it is a bummer that Luna might miss out on such an opportunity, but knowing my father I am saving her a bunch of stress and sadness.

She has my FIL, though! And her great grandpa =P so she really isn't missing out at all

Brookej610 · October 2013

After almost 3 decades of being divorced, you'd think one could put whatever BS aside for the sake of their grandchild. He sounds like a coward! His loss for sure!!

jarebearsmom · October 2013

My parents were the same way. Even though my dad was remarried, he didn't want to come see ds in fear of seeing my mom. I told him I wasn't having two events for everything in our life and if he chose to miss out it was his loss. Needless to say, he was at the hospital an hour later.

Alexandrap · October 2013

What is he going to do on holidays and birthdays? Skip those too because MIL will be there? I think your DH needs to have a very frank discussion with him. He needs to act like the adult he is and learn to be around someone he doesn't particularly like.

finnybooboo · October 2013

jarebearsmom said:

My parents were the same way. Even though my dad was remarried, he didn't want to come see ds in fear of seeing my mom. I told him I wasn't having two events for everything in our life and if he chose to miss out it was his loss. Needless to say, he was at the hospital an hour later.

This exactly. My DH used to always feel torn between his parents, having to choose who to go see on holidays, spend birthdays with, etc. It would really stress him out especially because his dad was so bullish and would make him feel bad when he didn't choose him. A year or so ago, we had a huge fight because I wanted to have a big birthday party for DH since it was his first one home in over 4 years (while he was in the military), but his dad refused to come because his mother would be invited. My DH collapsed under his bullying and we ended up just spending the day with his father. Needless to say he and I had a come to jesus meeting, because this was NOT going to be how things worked with our family. We're our own family unit now, and will not go out of our way to accommodate his parents who after 15+ years of being divorced can't grow up and deal. If they decide they don't want to come to the special events in DD's life because of their childishness, then that's on them.

beccabrad · October 2013

My IL's don't even know I'm pregnant b/c of this type of behavior in the past. We tried and tried and they just don't care, so we decided they don't get to be a part of our lives anymore if they aren't willing to put forth the effort.
If you/your DH cares then I would suggest that one of you at least voice your op to your FIL so he knows where you stand even though it should be obvious.

tashad18 · October 2013

How immature. My biological father and step mother were married 20 years and recently divorce (within the year) because he was having an affair. She is obviously very hurt and doesn't want to interact with him or his family because of how they treated here during all of this, but she still went to my wedding in which he and his whole family attended and sat through my baby shower with his mom present. Sometimes being an adult means putting petty stuff aside for those who are important to you.

calibr8te · October 2013

After 27 yrs he still acts like this? Way to grow up.

JLW0504 · October 2013

jarebearsmom said:
My parents were the same way. Even though my dad was remarried he didn't want to come see ds in fear of seeing my mom. I told him I wasn't having two events for everything in our life and if he chose to miss out it was his loss. Needless to say, he was at the hospital an hour later.

This is how I feel. My LO played no part in the divorce and i will kot make her go thiugh it either. Hell, DH was only 4 when it happened.

The thing with his dad is that he will be celebrating 22 years with his wife come November. DHs mom has been remarried for 18 years. I just don't understand how or why people hold on to hatred for so tight for so long.

shelley1002 · October 2013

My ILs are similar. They divorced about 35 years ago. FIL will be civil to MIL but MIL will completely ignore and avoid him. When DS was born FIL was at the hospital all day. MIL said she would come up after everyone else left. Worked out well, less stress on me and DH that day. We've also had no issues at DS's birthday parties. MIL just stays at the other end of the crowd (in another room or outside) from where FIL is. I was surprised she has been so well-behaved about it.

EmJ&B · October 2013

That sucks! I'm so sorry

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