Silly FB vent!

emmasue18 · September 2013

So...my girlfriend and I both had two boys and got pregnant again within six weeks of each other. From the beginning she made it clear to the world she really wanted a girl. Okay, I would have loved a girl but not once did I pray for one. I just wanted a healthy and happy baby. Well, I found out I was having a boy and she posted today she was having a girl. That is awesome but the comments! Oh my goodness. People said, "I am so happy for you, you deserved a girl!" Her husband posted how they prayed for a girl every night.

I guess I want to know, what is "wrong" with boys! Why on earth would you pray for one sex over the other and what if the poor kid had been a boy? It is just a bit offensive. I know, silly. But it is how I feel!

emilysmommy2010 · September 2013

I don't get it either. I think most people just wish for a healthy baby.

blackbettieberrie · September 2013

That sounds terribly selfish. It reminds me of a horrible father I met at work once. They had 3 girls but he convinced his wife to take fertility pills in hopes of finally having a boy. They had quadruplets, one of which is a boy. He finally got the boy he wanted, but a boy with LOTS of health issues.

Kedra231 · September 2013

You ever watch Maternity Ward or anything on TLC & whatnot, & they have a mom whose baby is struggling, but she absolutely REFUSES the doctor-advised C-section b/c it's not how they wanted it/dreamed their labor would be? They had a dream or a belief, or a birth plan, or their sister or bff had an easy kind of delivery without meds or surgery, & these women are being told, hey, this is for your baby's SAFETY, & they're still saying NO??? THAT is the kind of stuff I don't get & what infuriates me, but there's plenty of women out there that would sympathize or defend them & their refusal.

I have mentioned before the issues I had with #2 being a boy; my biggest fear was I wouldn't be able to love him/bond with him as he deserved b/c I'd always see him as a little ticking time bomb. Thankfully, that wasn't the case, I was in love with him shortly after I was able to hold him, but that attitude was something I'd worked on for a good 7-8 months, whereas with DD, it was more effortless, there was no psyching up, or self-talk to realize it.

DS's just as loved & cherished as DD is, & he & I are very close. I had what I felt were legitimate fears (3 generations worth) before his birth that were at the base of my concerns/fears, and so, I try not to base too strong an opinion on those that are vocal about wanting a certain sex. They may have multiple reasons, some of which they're not trotting out to the public for them to examine, so yeah, they're going to come off as fickle & shallow. If you saw all the skeletons in the closet, maybe it would be more understandable.

Then again, I'm sure there's plenty of parents that ARE fickle & shallow. I don't understand the "I NEED this sex in order to have a "perfect" family" feeling, b/c I don't believe in perfect, but, I also have one of each, so maybe I don't feel the same pressure or disappointment someone else might, if they've been dreaming of the "perfect" family since childhood, & it's just not happening that way.

IMO, it's a personality thing. Some people strive for perfect, & they get upset when there's roadblocks, or things don't work out as planned. I'm guessing those are the ones that can't let go of the idea that if they have this sex or that sex, only then will things be perfect in their lives. I guess it depends on whether you believe there's a specific recipe for "perfect."

ed for spelling

keags5496 · September 2013

That's crazy! TBH, I would have reall liked a girl this time because we have a son and I know this is our last baby. By the end of the anatomy scan when we knew that the bean was healthy, that little bit at the end about being a boy just made me smile. I can't even imagine being disappointed because my baby was healthy but had a penis.

jenniejuniper1 · September 2013

It totally goes both ways too! I actually heard this conversation between two women once:

"Guess what - it's a girl!"

"Aw, that's too bad. You'll get your boy next time."

WHAT?! I don't get the big deal over having one sex over the other. I was just happy to hear that the kid has all of his bits and pieces. What he happens to have between his cute little legs was really just a side point of interest.

Mazingmommyof6 · September 2013

I experience people being rude because I'm having " another girl". I'm thrilled! The second really does not matter to me. It's a miracle I'm pregnant.

ziggy903 · September 2013

LaurLaurLaur said:

keags5496 said:

That's crazy! TBH, I would have reall liked a girl this time because we have a son and I know this is our last baby. By the end of the anatomy scan when we knew that the bean was healthy, that little bit at the end about being a boy just made me smile. I can't even imagine being disappointed because my baby was healthy but had a penis.

This. I understand wanting (at least) one of each. Not that one is better than the other but just to experience both. But every time we tell someone we are having another girl (ahem, BRU employees) and they look at DH and say "Aw, I'm sorry"... I want to TP them!

We know a couple who has 6 girls and they aren't stopping til they have a boy. I feel like saying, statistically you could have 25 girls in a row. You're not "due" for a boy. Plus (to add to the Judgey Judgerson-ing) he has the same job as DH and his wife is a SAHM. They can't afford to keep having kids and he says it ALL. THE. TIME.

Sorry to hijack, but I just don't understand people.

i had a friend in elementary school- her parents were doing that too. she was #5, i think her brother was #9. ridic. be happy with what you're given- healthy happy babies with genitalia!

boogerbearoriginal · September 2013

IMO saying you want a girl or boy is different than someone commenting you "deserve" a certain sex, that's just weird to me.

But ITA with Kendra's points that there may be other reasons why they felt so strongly about having a child of a certain sex. It's hard to always know but FB is known for bringing out the stupid in people.

micaelasmakeup · September 2013

I have complained about the opposite. We have a 3 yo girl and when we got pg it drive me nuts how people would say... We are praying you get that lil boy, or I bet you are wishing for a boy! It was so annoying! I was like what's so great about a boy?
So since we found out we are having a boy I'm excited to have one of each but, the comments like you are going to have such a perfect family or I bet DH is over the moon or how my FIL has bought me my fav food or presents for Bo when that was not his behavior when I was pg with Aimsley is just eye roll worthy!
People just put a lot of stock into sex either way!

cksmith29 · September 2013

I think it's funny when couples pray for one sex or the other after they have gotten their BFP. Ummmm.... gender is already determined. I think you can stop praying now.

People need to really think about what they say. I had to ask people to quit referring to this LO as a boy. They even got me doing it too. Well, she's not a he....

emmasue18 · September 2013

I hope it is not wrong! They would be absolutely devastated.

LaurLaurLaur said:

keags5496 said:

That's crazy! TBH, I would have reall liked a girl this time because we have a son and I know this is our last baby. By the end of the anatomy scan when we knew that the bean was healthy, that little bit at the end about being a boy just made me smile. I can't even imagine being disappointed because my baby was healthy but had a penis.

This. I understand wanting (at least) one of each. Not that one is better than the other but just to experience both. But every time we tell someone we are having another girl (ahem, BRU employees) and they look at DH and say "Aw, I'm sorry"... I want to TP them!

We know a couple who has 6 girls and they aren't stopping til they have a boy. I feel like saying, statistically you could have 25 girls in a row. You're not "due" for a boy. Plus (to add to the Judgey Judgerson-ing) he has the same job as DH and his wife is a SAHM. They can't afford to keep having kids and he says it ALL. THE. TIME.

Sorry to hijack, but I just don't understand people.

DO we know the same family?! LOL! I seriously know a couple just like that!!

Giraffealaff · September 2013

I don't really see the issue with any of the comments. I mean, I get that saying you "Deserve" either gender is a oddly phrased way of saying it, but I'm sure that the person who commented was just excited that their friend is able to say she is going to have the daughter she always wanted.

As for the husband praying for a daughter, so what? Yes, there are more important things to pray for. And yes they should just be happy they are lucky enough to have a child in the first place. But who is anyone else to judge or chastise them for wanting something specific? Maybe they are not planning on any more children after this and just wanted to have the ability to raise a daughter of their own.

I'm sure that those of you who have one of each can attest that raising a little boy is different from raising a little girl (if it's not, please educate me as i am a FTM and wouldn't know this from experience), so what's wrong with wanting to experience both? I'm sure had they found out they were having a Little Boy they would have loved him just as much.

Giraffealaff · September 2013

@katybriggs

That's just the thing. I think most of the woman who go through some form of gender disappointment ARE thankful. I think a lot of the time we are assuming they aren't when in reality that has nothing to do with it.

I would love if my little boy had blue eyes like his grandmother and black hair like his father. Am I really going to care for him less because he doesn't no. But expressing that I would have liked to see a trait shouldn't result in so many judgments.

Giraffealaff · September 2013

I seriously couldn't agree with you more @katybriggs

lovethembabies · September 2013

I told everyone as soon as we announced the pregnancy that anyone who said they hope it's a girl (we have one boy already) would get throatpunched, and if it is a girl, anyone who asks if we are or implies that we should be done having kids after that will also get throatpunched. Having each sex represented is not what makes a family complete.

Btwilhelm · September 2013

I didn't know this till we were in the middle of our altrasound but my boyfriend really wanted a boy. As soon as the tech said girl I looked over at him beaming and I'll never forget his face. He actually ruined the rest of the day for me.

It turns out he had been planning for a few weeks all the things he could do with the baby if it was a boy. His attitude has changed since but I really don't understand him or anyone else being upset because they didn't get the sex they wanted.

JackieP1023 · September 2013

Each person has their own reasons, I'm sure. H and I personally, we'll be happy with either. He would like a boy, I'm just happy it's healthy. After a 2nd tri loss, we knew our first LO was a girl. In a way, I will be disappointed if we don't have a girl before we're done having kids... Just because it's a whole different experience that we were so close to, and will never know. It won't affect how I feel/treat my boys... It's sort of like its own form of grief.

ocmommy2B · October 2013

years ago I once heard a co-worker angrily tell a friend on the phone how her husband was in the dog house for saying to one of their friends at a dinner party one night how he would take a daughter with health problems over a son. wtf!? you'd WISH struggle for your kid over the fact that you selfishly want a specific gender!?

obviously i thought that was a stupid and effed up thing to say or think but now that I myself am pregnant I couldn't see myself dealing with that too well if my husband had said some shit like that!

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