Feeling like the worst Mom ever...

IBackBevo · October 2013

So I just got the meanest email from my Mother. In short form, accusing me of being a bad mother, telling me I spend too much time on Facebook and am neglecting my son, telling me I am mistreating my child by not forcing more solids down his throat, etc.

I strongly suspect that the solids issue was probably some b.s. the nanny put in her brain because this was a big point of contention between the nanny and myself. In fact, I do feed my son solids--I just don't feed him crap. I feed him fruits and vegis, pureed healthy proteins and baby meals I buy specifically for him. The nanny kept feeding DS foods that clearly were not appropriate - as in the most recent was that she fed him a bunch of VandeKamp's fried fish that my DH eats frequently. I would NEVER in a million years have even thought to feed that to him. They are fried and greasy and upset his stomach. I had to talk to her on multiple occasions (especially after he ended up with constipations and bleeding rectally from the foods she gave him) and she just pretty much would ignore me or let me know she didn't agree with me. It was a real point of contention.

On the other issue, I think why she "thinks" I post on facebook a lot is that I do tend to post on there when I am at work and things are slow (which has been happening a lot lately) or when I am at the gym and am on my phone while on the elliptical. However, when I am home with DS, I almost am never on the internet unless he is napping.

It was really, really hurtful. And so cruel. It made me feel like sh*t. What am I supposed to do? Quit my job and stay home full-time with him? Let my law degree and the $100k+ I spent obtaining it and the 12 years that I have invested into my career/education go down the drain???

Or never go to the gym? Better I be unhealthy and obese and model an unhealthy lifestyle for my son like my Mother modeled for me???

I am so hurt. And there is even a small part of me (that insecure part that only someone close to you can get to) that makes me feel like maybe she is right and I am not a good Mom...even though I logically know she isn't. I feel like this is the last thing I need right now. I am pregnant and hormonal and hurt...very hurt.

I just needed somewhere to vent. I know it seems weird that I'm posting this on this board, but so many of my friends and family know my Mother that I don't want to talk to them about it because of the duel relationship...

Edit: As an aside, I may DD this after awhile because I don't want to put anything to personal out there on the www.

TJ1979 · October 2013

Um, maybe your mom is the one who should be feeling like the worst mom ever. To me that just sounds mean. You know that you are a good mother, and that's what matters.

IBackBevo · October 2013

Yeah, I confided in a girlfriend who I have been friends with since the 5th grade and she basically said that my Mother is the one with the issues, not me, and that my Mother is deflecting her own insecurities on to me.

kmc84 · October 2013

Ditto to TJ. I'm so sorry your mother said this to you. You are doing a fantastic job and you are making the best decisions for your son and family. Shame on her

jessica_gail2 · October 2013

I'm sorry. Sometimes the people who love you the most are blind to the things that hurt you the most. No mother should ever talk that way to her daughter, especially in such a cowardly way as email. I'm sorry bevo.

mdiblasi10 · October 2013

I am so sorry. That is very hurtful. I hope you know you are a great Mom! Hang in there. Hugs.

pinkmickey24 · October 2013

You're a great mom! I think your mom is venting her own parenting issues at you. Hugs!

ELF4321 · October 2013

TJ1979 said:
Um, maybe your mom is the one who should be feeling like the worst mom ever. To me that just sounds mean. You know that you are a good mother, and that's what matters.

THIS!!!!!

phishgirl29 · October 2013

Ugh! I'm sorry she said that to you. My mom and I go at it all.the.time but she has never commented on my parenting skills (to my knowledge). I do know that the reason she says some of the things she says to me are due to reason unrelated to our relationship. Mainly my paraplegic brother's health is the cause of all her (and mine) nastiness towards each other.

Know that you're a great mom who is taking care of herself and her family. Sometimes our parents don't know how to bring up the one thing that's bothering them....they bring up everything!

ccam · October 2013

I'm sorry that your mom made you feel that way!! You're a great mom and that was really awful of her.

Mrs.AmyDylan · October 2013

Hugs. Your mom is an asshat. You are a great mom. Working moms have a very hard job. Fwiw, I think not feeding your kid crap is a good idea. More creepy Internet hugs.

Mr. & Mrs. Woodtick · October 2013

((Huge HUGS)). I'm sorry your mom was so mean.

IBackBevo · October 2013

Thanks everyone. I just remembered another thing she was giving me ish about the other day...putting dh in daycare. She was trying to make me feel guilty about that. I think she is very judgmental because I am not a SAHM like she was when her kids were young.

mcgeeva · October 2013

Yeah sounds like your mom is taking her own issues out on you. Ignore her and keep moving! Many of us work and don't have the option to stay home and im sorry but the nanny can kiss it! Fried food - yeah I wouldn't give that to ds either. Mine is 18 months and just last friday I gave him his first tysons chicken nugget. That was a big deal.