He's supposed to know what?

kderham · October 2013

I was hanging out with some friends (who's son is a few months younger than mine) and they start going on and on about how their son is already meeting the 15 month milestones. Apparently he eats with his spoon at every meal, uses real words all the time and knows his basic body parts. My son (14 m/o) is doing great at some things - throws balls like a mad man, can take off his pjs if I unzip them, kicks balls, runs, responds to simple commands, etc. But he doesn't really use words. He uses words he seems to have made up. Milk always comes out sounding more like juice, dog is more gog, and so on. He can say shoes, hi and bye and nothing else comes out as words with any real connection. He also doesn't use utensils on his own. How good is he supposed to be at this? He will stick his spoon in the bowl but can't scoop - does that count? And body parts? I didn't even know he was supposed to know about that. We haven't even tried doing it yet - I figured it would be better to learn more practical words/objects. Now I feel like the worst parent because I didn't know what I was supposed to be teaching him. We will go to the doctor's appointment in a few weeks but if my husband sees that he isn't meeting all the milestones, he gets really freaked out and I would like to work with him on the milestones he isn't at yet to avoid the panic. Oh dads

Does anyone know what they are actually supposed to know at 15 months? I have found loads of broad ranging lists but nothing really for 15 months. Is that because there isn't anything really specific?

fanofanne · October 2013

lol you and your dh sound like me...i'm a worry-wart. it sounds as if your lo is doing fine. at our 15 month check up (I have b/g twins) our pedi asked about number of words, are they pointing, following commands and do they express their feelings (happiness, upset,etc). perhaps your friend's son is advanced...or like a couple of my friends who tend to see more than what's actually there...know what I mean?

oliversmommy32912 · October 2013

What? You're kid's not applying to college yet?

In all seriousness, he sounds normal. At 14 months DS only knew mama, dada, and one or two other words. Now, at 18 months, he says over 50 words. Also, we didn't even introduce a spoon and fork until 14 months. He can use both just fine now, though he is really messy with them.

There is a really broad range of normal and a lot can happen in a matter of days in this age range. Try not to compare him to other children. It will drive you crazy!

melody921 · October 2013

oliversmommy32912 said:

What? You're kid's not applying to college yet? In all seriousness, he sounds normal. At 14 months DS only knew mama, dada, and one or two other words. Now, at 18 months, he says over 50 words. Also, we didn't even introduce a spoon and fork until 14 months. He can use both just fine now, though he is really messy with them. There is a really broad range of normal and a lot can happen in a matter of days in this age range. Try not to compare him to other children. It will drive you crazy!

This! At 15 months, DS was not saying many words at all, and he certainly wasn't using utensils. Don't worry; just enjoy each stage for what it is!

traveltheworld · October 2013

We follow the "ages and stages" questionnaires which breaks milestones down to 2 month periods. We were given the questionnaires because our pediatrician was a little bit worried at DS's 12 months check-up. It's too long to type here, but your DS sounds perfectly on track! Body parts isn't even a milestone at 16 months! And yes, using utensils is on there, but at 14 months, they are suppose to spill some food. As to words, the key thing to focus on is communications - can he point to things he wants. Oh and "words" is officially defined as "a consistent sound to mean someone or something" - so even if your DS is not using proper words, as long as he is making a consistent sound for an object, then it counts. At 14 months, they should have 3 or more "words" in addition to dada and mama.

Also, they change so much so quickly! Like I mentioned, DS was considered behind when we did his 12 month questionnaire. Then he didn't improve for about 3 weeks, and all of a sudden he acquired a bunch of new skills within a 2 week span - so now when we look at the questionnaires, he is meeting all of the 16 months milestones (he is 14.5 months right now).

aeh72 · October 2013

Like others have said, there really is a broad range of when each child starts meeting different milestones and your LO's pedi will be able to tell you if there are any concerns. But, based on my own DS, I think you are fine. We started letting DS "use" utensils - i.e., play with them when he was eating - probably around 15 months and now, at 18 months, he is finally using a spoon correctly - but it's still messy! His dr said a fork takes a while longer.

As for words - DS is a talker but it was only within the last month that there was suddenly a word explosion and it came out of nowhere. My husband and I were frequently looking at each other and saying, "did he just say x?" because he only knew the same 5-10 words for months. Your LO, at 14 months, sound right on track. Oh - and even though DS now knows a lot of words - every liquid is "agua" to him so your LO calling milk "juice" sounds totally normal! :-)

For body parts, DS pretty much only knows eyes right now and sporadically will get another one right. At his 18 month appt, his pedi said he should know them all by 2 years. I didn't know that and so now, we'll be working on body parts.

If I have a question about a milestone or developmental stage (or a health issue), I refer to the American Academy of Pediatrics "Caring For your Baby and Young Child." It's a great resource. And, I recently went to look up 18 month milestones and noticed they don't have a section for "18 months." They cover 12-24 months under the chapter "Your One-Year Old" and the next chapter is "Your Two-Year Old." That tells me there is a lot of room for when exactly each child achieves each milestone.

So, the moral of my long story - don't stress, and defintely don't get caught up in what other parents are saying! :-)

preggersin2011 · October 2013

I think it depends upon their environment too. LO is in daycare and sounds like your friend's kid did at that age. I think it is all based upon what you are exposing them to. They will all eventually be on the same level in kindergarten

rubber_chicken · October 2013

Your friend is proud of her kid, and that's fine, but don't let it get you down. Childhood is not a race.

My daughter has been very quick with some things and very slow in other things, and that's totally normal. There are huge ranges for some milestones - the "normal" range for walking covers at least 9 months! Also, my pediatrician said that no matter how fast or slow your kid is, by the time they're 4, not only are 99% of kids at same level, but an independent observer can't tell the "fast" kids and "slow" kids apart. In the grand scheme of development, it just doesn't matter if your kid walks at 10 months or 17 months. Which seems crazy, but is also a relief!

TeamTro · October 2013

Oh my dear, don't worry!! I was comparing all my kids milestones to other people, but the problem is I wanted them to do ALL the things my friends' kids were doing, when what was unsaid was some other stuff their children may NOT be picking up (because no one ever talks about that upfront!)

Meaning, my friend said her daughter knew colors (but later I found didn't really hit social milestones), my other friend said her son walked early, but I found out later that he had a LOT of trouble with his fine motor skills, etc. etc. and I wanted my kids to know their colors, walk early, etc. etc. etc. and do it ALL, but then I realized hey, they are good at body parts, naming animals, eating with spoons, and fine motor skills,but still need to work on shapes, colors, and some of their speech, etc.. It's a lot to learn for a little kid, kids can't do it all...!

It's so hard, because people only brag about the good. Thanks for sharing with us though....it's nice to know we all worry...your LO is doing fine...!

Socialworkgirl · October 2013

I think it also depends on what they are interested in. DD is behind other kids her age on lots of things but knows tons of body parts because she LOVES to point at mine and DH's body parts. We would not have really thought to focus on teaching them to her if she hadn't initiated it.

laclou · October 2013

I was just coming on here to post the same question after going to dinner with a friend last night who just going on and on and on about all the words her LO knows! My LO is 14 months and hers is about 6 weeks older. My DD only knows mama and dada, but does know her nose, belly and hair, and will point to things when she wants them (her cup, shoes, etc.) I was concerned after our dinner because I am a SAHM and was worried I haven't been teaching her enough!

EMOmamma · October 2013

I like this kind of chart https://www.parentingweekly.com/baby/baby_information/toddler_dev_12_15_mos_2.htm

It lists things that most kids can do, some kids can do, and few kids can do. What you'll notice is that your kid might not do any of the "few kids" things for 13 month olds but can do most the things for the 15month old.

It really all comes out in the wash over the next year or so. They'll go in different paces at different times than other kids but unless there are significant red flags you have nothing to worry about.

For body parts we use bathtime - I say the part as I wash it "washing your belly. Where's your belly?" and eventually they pick it up.

rubber_chicken · October 2013

I wanted to add, one of the few measurable, proven strategies that parents can use to help their children learn, is to talk to them. ALL.THE.TIME.

https://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/science/2013/09/children_s_language_development_talk_and_listen_to_them_from_birth.html

ALHickok1 · October 2013

First of all I would think your friend is over exaggerating on her sons abilities. I'm sure he does not use real words all the time, and she may offer utensils at every mean and he may play with them, but he doesn't use the perfectly. Secondly, try not to compare kids. Easier said than done I know, my son and his cousin are only 6 days apart. At DS's 16 month check up our pediatrician asked about if he's sleeping, eating, playing, normal things. She did ask if he was starting to point to body parts though. Each kid develops different. At 15 months my son knew mom, dad, cup, snack, and Reece(his uncle), other than that nothing. DS is now 22 months, about two months ago I was seriously considering speech therapy for him. All of a sudden one day though he just started talking. Not in sentences, but the words just came out. He's talking, kicking/throwing, knows almost all of his body parts, starting to recognize shapes, and knows quite a few animals and they're sounds. This all just came out of no where. Your son is just fine, and seems right on track. Unless your pediatrician tells you otherwise, which I assume they will not, don't worry until you have a reason.

ebp913 · October 2013

I totally agree with the sentiment that when Kindergarten rolls around none of this will matter at all. No one is going to know who did what when. That said, it's hard to not compare but I would just take a step back and realize that she's probably exaggerating a little and your child is not behind. Lots of kids have areas where they are ahead of the curve and others where they may be average or behind. A really good friends DD who is only 1 month younger than Olivia can speak a lot better than she can but you know what, Olivia is far superior physically. Their daughter can't run and her walking is still kinda unstable. Olivia is like a baby sprinter. I have come to realize that she is very physical and that her verbal skills will come around.

Also, about the utensils... I only started them in the last month because DD demanded them. I would have happily avoided that for as long as possible because who wants more dishes to do?!?!

We did start learning body parts in the tub. I would just talk to her at bathtime about a new part each day and that worked in about 2 weeks. She knows them all now.

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