leaving kids for multiple nights

2-Step · October 2013

Do you leave your kids for multiple nights for vacations with dh? Most of my friends take a week each year and do a big vacation as couple. Dh and I will do a weekend once in awhile and overnights once a month for dates, but we don't really like the idea of leaving them for a multiple nights at this age, even tho we have loving family that would take them. My friends act like we are weird and always tell us we should have adult vacations and try to get us to go. Is this the norm? My parents never left me for vacation until I was like 10. I feel like I am the only one that doesn't do this or want to do this. I just feel like we would all miss each other so much it wouldn't be fun after a few days.

LoriLee14 · October 2013

I was raised the same way. My parents didn't go on vacation just the two of them until I was in high school and could stay by myself. (although my mom has also told me that my grandmother told her straight up that she had already raised her children and wasn't keeping grandbabies)

I do not plan on taking a vacation without them completely till they are older. We are going on vacation in January and my parents are coming along to watch little man while my husband and I go to Universal Studios and enjoy the rides. So it is a family and a couples vacation. Best of both worlds

AimeeL85 · October 2013

We haven't yet, for this reason or that reason depending on the time. We've left DS a couple times for one night, with my mom, that's about it. It's not because I can't bear it or am a mommy martyr or whatever else people might say - it's just because it just hasn't happened. Don't let anyone tell you you have to or should, if you don't want to. You know whether you'll enjoy something like that or not, some people do and some people don't. I'm sure you'll have longer adult vacations whenever you're ready to!

joyfullyfound · October 2013

I haven't even left DD overnight yet... soooo... :-\"

notkateanymore · October 2013

Yes we do. Usually once a year, for at least a long weekend and the longest we've been gone is 8 days, though that was more out of lack of opportunity than desire. I would leave her {and him} for whatever length, our families are great.

notkateanymore · October 2013

Oh and yes, I think it's abnormal not to leave your kids until they're old. But it's only you who will suffer, so do whatever.

LoriLee14 · October 2013

Well my parents sent me to overnight camp starting when I was in the 3rd grade. So I am sure that is their adult stay-cations

LatteLady5 · October 2013

I think this is one of those things that is just different for different people. I haven't left DD overnight and she's 2. I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything and in the future I'd love to do a week long vacation with DH but not right now. DD will most likely stay overnight with some family friends when LO#2 arrives and I'm sure she'll do fine.

IMO It's fine either way. If your friends want to take week long vacations kid free, that's awesome for them. If you're not ready it's not going to scar your kid by being home every night.

CalBears · October 2013

We haven't left our kids to go on vacation. My oldest is 5. My husband and I go on dates. We're happy with our life so I don't care if other families do things different.

Why are your friends pressuring you?

jenniann87 · October 2013

We have done a few long weekends away but nothing longer than a few nights. Usually when we go away its for a weekend of football or some other sporting event. It has nothing to do with not having anyone to watch DS bc my parents love keeping him or not wanting to go. We just have never had the opportunity.

kcisthebombdotcom · October 2013

Honestly, I think it's weird when people leave very young children for a week with parents or other family members. I mean I get if its a once in a lifetime thing like you win an all expenses paid vacation somewhere awesome. Otherwise I think it's asking a lot to have someone keep a one year old that still gets up at night. Heck my kids at the ages they're at now need help at night--dd asks for a diaper change, ds won't go pee alone at night, he gets growing pains and needs his legs rubbed and ibuprofen, etc. they're plenty needy during the day as well. I definitely plan on taking an adult only vacation every year when they're older but at that time they'll be in school for six hours a day and much more self sufficient. I'm also not all mommy martyr here-I leave them overnight on practically a weekly basis and do weekend trips with dh a few times a year. I'm just not a fan of the longer trips with young ones--not being away from your kids in general.

Love My Lil Princess 509 · October 2013

joyfullyfound said:
I haven't even left DD overnight yet... soooo... :-\"

Us either. Dh and I haven't combusted into flames yet.

littlemermaid · October 2013

We've only taken long weekends and that's the norm amongst the couples we know. I only know of one couple that takes weeklong vacations without their children.

Chapter79 · October 2013

Yes, we most definitely have. H and I take a kid-free vacation once a year and leave DD with my parents. I need that for my sanity. And actually? My kid needs it for hers, too. She likes the time with her grandma, and she needs a break from me. It's not usually a week, but that's only because H's vacation time is limited (because he prefers to use it for random days off, vs long vacations). We usually do 4 nights/5 days.

We travel with DD, too. Usually two vacations a year with her. But I require a kidless vacation for numerous days in a row.

catycate · October 2013

Oy. This argument again?

DH and I don't take regular vacations without DS, but we went to Costa Rica when he was about 1 1/2 for a week. We haven't planned another one since and with DD on the way, we probably won't get one anytime soon. If you have someone willing to take your kid(s) and you feel totally comfortable with it, do it. If not, don't. The grandparents in our family are great and had no problem.

jnksmom · October 2013

We have taken weekend trips but nothing more than 3 nights. We have never had the opportunity to do more than that. We take a family vacation every year and until very recently haven't been ankle to afford a family and a couple vacation. When we lived away from family,my kids each spent multiple nights at my parents without me or H several different times so I have no issue leaving them for a week. H and I are actually planning our first couple vacation and I am very excited.

Arnegard · October 2013

We are leaving the kiddos for 3 nights this month. I am so excited!! We are going to shop, have sex, go to the football game, have sex, drink way too much and probably have sex.

spring_time · October 2013

Eh, other than when I gave birth to DD, I haven't left DS for more than a night. It is not that I am unwilling to do it, but money is tight and when it is time for vacations, I would much rather spend it with my entire family. It is not mommy martyrdom, it is just my preference.

I also feel bad leaving the kids with someone for more than a day. They are exhausting. Plus, my mom has a rule that she doesn't do overnights until the child is sleeping through the night. Since DD is still not sleeping, it doesn't look like an overnight is happening anytime soon. My IL panic about everything and once drove DS back to our house at 3am because he was crying. They live 1.5 hours away. I could use just one overnight, though.

Andrewsgal · October 2013

We leave our kids for a week every year as long as they are sleeping through the night. Usually around 15-18 months. We take a week vacation. We also take family vacations every year. We are planning a week long trip in June of 2015 for our next one then yearly after that.

penguingrrl · October 2013

We haven't left the girls for multiple nights or Drew at all overnight yet. I'm not opposed, just poor lol! Honestly, we never see ourselves being in the position to take multiple large vacations a year so the kids will go with us when we take our one vacation. I see taking long weekends just us in the near future.

notkateanymore · October 2013

LalaMama81 said:

Oh and yes, I think it's abnormal not to leave your kids until they're old. But it's only you who will suffer, so do whatever.
We've done this a million times. Every couple doesn't suffer because they haven't taken a longer kid-free vacation. I have no interest in taking more than a weekend away at this point and we haven't even done that. We will before the next baby comes. It has nothing to do with not having trustworthy people or bring a martyr.

LOL I just figured I'd get that answer out of the way early. I truly don't care what other people do, I do think it's nuts personally though. I also don't think everybody will suffer, I should have written It's only you who MAY suffer. I'll be drinking a margarita by myself on some island.

dizzycooks · October 2013

LoriLee14 said:

I was raised the same way. My parents didn't go on vacation just the two of them until I was in high school and could stay by myself. (although my mom has also told me that my grandmother told her straight up that she had already raised her children and wasn't keeping grandbabies)

This is my mother's opinion exactly. If we wanted a week long vacation we would need to pay for daycare and a friend of mine MIGHT be willing to take our kids. I don't see it happening anytime soon. Fortunately, DD is a pretty good traveler so we've enjoyed our vacations with her.

Stefibeth · October 2013

We don't at this point, but maybe once they're a little older. They don't do overnights often (well, DD hasn't had an overnight at all, I've only left her for a really short time with anyone other than MH). I don't leave them with people other than MH much. The longest DS has been away from us was 3 days when I was in the hospital having DD. He visited every day, but then went home with my parents.

A lot of our circumstances has to do with not really having anyone to leave them with. I think it's great if people have the option to leave their kids for a long weekend/week and feel comfortable doing so, but it's just not really an option for us anyway. Maybe once they're older.

notkateanymore · October 2013

auroraloo said:

I totally went to taco bell and left DD at home the other day.

Wild thing!

zbeesma86 · October 2013

We've left DD with my parents before for an overnight- I was in a wedding.

Next overnight we have planned is in June for another wedding.

Spin313 · October 2013

No. The only time I've been away from the kids more than one night was when I was hospitalized (DD's birth, gallbladder surgery). The only time DH has been away was for a work conference.

eaglesfan700 · October 2013

H and I have done several long weekends away from DS and DD1. It was so worth it. I don't know if I could do a whole week, maybe when they are all in full day school

I haven't left DD2 yet, but I already have over 200 oz of BM pumped and frozen, and a hotel room in the city booked in December to celebrate my birthday with friends. Cannot wait

ASullivan1231 · October 2013

I'm really surprised by grandparents who aren't willing to help out. I'm not saying shipping them to grandparents for a week, but grandparents who are healthy and local wont baby-sit or take them for an overnight or 2? I think that's weird.

I've left DS alone for overnights probably 10 times. Don't people have a bachelorette or shower or wedding out of town come up?

We went to LV in Sept and it was awesome! DH's parents watched DS for 2 nights and my parent's for 2 nights. I was sad to leave but it was glorious and the grandparents and DS loved it!

ASullivan1231 · October 2013

LalaMama81 said:
Eh, I also judge people who use their parents for full-time, free child care. Some grandparents are asked to do too much.

I would be hurt/upset if I asked my parents to watch them for the weekend and they said no, but of course, they wouldn't do that, they'd jump at the chance.

Yeah I also judge for that. To ask grandparents to watch grand kids 40 hours a week is like asking them to raise kids again. Different strokes for different folks - but I think that's asking too much. A Saturday night or a weekend away once in awhile seems reasonable though.

penguingrrl · October 2013

I would never judge grandparents not keeping the kids. You never know the situation. Maybe the parents and grandparents aren't on great terms so there's a relationship but not that close. And how often are people on here bitching about very different parenting values? There are many reasons grandparents may not be suitable caregivers.

My ILs have kept the kids overnight (except Drew) but one night is all they want to do. They adore the kids but it exhausts them. A few times when I was on bedrest and in and out of the hospital my ILs had my kids one night and my nieces the night before or after (I was on bedrest while SIL was building her house) and they were worn thin by all of it. They're healthy and not older grandparents (mid-60s) but are used to a quiet house and the kids overwhelm them a bit in large doses. FIL babysits 3 mornings a week while I run, but for 2 hours.

My mom is always busy. She and her boyfriend are constantly traveling or out with friends or heading in to a show or sporting event in the city. They both were amazing parents who made their kids a priority. Now they're done raising kids and get to have fun. As a result they haven't had the kids for an overnight since I was on bedrest.

Between the two sets we'll likely be away from the kids for a period this spring when we look for a place to live wherever DHs career takes us next. Depending on how far away it is, we may have to fly for a weekend. My mom and ILs will work out schedules between them (they get along really well) and take care of all the kids, but I would never ask for that unless it was necessary.

2-Step · October 2013

I didn't realize this had been posted before, sorry if it is redundant.

We leave our kids at least 1x per month overnight with my parents and have done a few long weekends away. I was more referring to week-long trips where you fly to a remote location. I don't feel like I am a mommy martyr at all, I definitely need and take my time away from my kids. We both do girls/guy trips at least twice a year as well. I guess I was just interested to see if there were moms like me out there that aren't that interested in leaving their kids for extended periods for big vacations, or if I was an odd exception, since all of my friends are gung ho to leave their kids and act like we are nuts for not having left them more than three nights yet.

I love my friends, and don't think they are being rude by telling me this, we are just candid with each other and I think they think they need to convince me to do this for myself, because they don't believe that I actually don't have a desire to do this and would be just as happy bringing my kids and doing short getaways without them. It's like they think I'm going to implode my marriage or something because I don't take a week away from my kids. I was just hoping to see if other moms are on my same level with this.

Want a personalized experience?

leaving kids for multiple nights

Re: leaving kids for multiple nights

Choose Another Board

Search Boards