Need to vent. Glad Ex gave me a heads up though.

AlwaysForgetful · October 2013

I am having my Csection tomorrow morning. As you all know, the Gov. is in shutdown mode. DH works for the government (non military). So we are kinda in a tight spot. Now, the shut down could end today, or it could go on a month, who knows. Because of this, DH cannot take time off work. The best he can do is "come in late" tomorrow so he can see our daughter born. He needs to work 6 hours though for this to work. If he puts it down as time off/vacation time/use of credit hours he will not be allowed to come back to work till this is over. And no, he will not get paid because they will consider it unpaid time off. DH was taking 2 weeks off for the baby. Not now.... So he will go back to work and not be paid for working till this is over.

The Ex part - Ex lives with his parents. His father is ex military (and a narcissist). He purposefully works jobs that keeps him away from family except on weekends. Well, ex FIL is "worried" the kids will not be cared for due to the shut down. Which really means (he has seen the kids ONCE in 6 years) he thinks he has something to "control" us with. He likes to micro manage everyone.

Apparently he is trying to get ex MIL and Ex to call CPS and file a report that we have no food in the house or income to care for the kids. *sighs* So far they haven't because they know I do not appreciate those games and they know better. I am a recovering food hoarder and am down to the fridge freezer and a stand up freezer full of food. Plus we have enough money in the bank so we can pay bills, food, repairs for several months if we watch spending. This is not counting the emergency credit card.

I know if it happens, CPS will come out and find nothing wrong. It is more of the embarrassment it will cause and Ex FIL knows it. I am sure he is gearing up for me to give the kids to them on all the holidays or something. I know that Ex or Ex MIL will cave eventually. Although maybe this will be over by then.

Glad ex told me. I am just so hormonal and stressed because baby is coming tomorrow and there is a lot on my plate.

sweetwalks · October 2013

How awful of your EX FIL to even think that, especially in a time like this.

I'm sorry your family is dealing first hand with the government shut down especially the moment you welcome a new baby into the world.

Thoughts & prayers for a safe delivery tomorrow!

Lavender P · October 2013

Sorry you are dealing with so much crazy on top of all your stress from the shutdown.

I know it is hard, but the baby won't even know if your DH is there or not. The first few weeks are such a blur and your DH needs to do what is best for the family. Is there anyone that can stay with you or help out during this time? I had a C section and know how hard that first week can be.

The X In-laws sound nuts. They are opportunists that are trying to exploit a crappy situation. Social workers are considered government employees so even if they call CPS, I'm not sure who they would get to come out to do a check. Let them try something and they will end up looking stupid. Try to just focus on your health and your baby. Thought and prayers to your family!

AlwaysForgetful · October 2013

Thanks. Luckily, we can survive this. We do have the money in the bank (It was going for a project plus some savings cushion) to last us for several months. Ex knows this. This is not even counting the emergency credit card and the credit card we use (paid off monthly). So proving finances and care (food and what not) is not an issue.

Ex FIL is like that. I know eventually it would get to much for Ex and Ex MIL. So part of me will not be to upset with them, but ex and ex MIL did use to play the CPS game in the past before DH. I was always fine because they were unfounded, but I do remember the constant embarrassment.

I know the baby will not remember. I know the nurses will help as needed. I did it alone with my last son (marriage was over before he was born). I just feel bad for DH. He never takes vacation time, works like crazy, he has always been so involved with the boys and I know it is killing him to not be more involved.

I have a friend who will be here till Monday. She is caring for the other 4 kids while I am in the hospital. In theory I will be out Friday night, but last time they kept me 5 days, so it could be as late as Sunday night. There is an Auntie who will come over after work, but well, I love her, she does the kitty litter now, and I know she would clean the living room, but after that, she focuses on holding baby... does me no good. There are other local family members but most work late or have busy lives.

I have 2 in school, so that will help. I know I can do it without help. It will be hard, but I can do it.

Thanks for listening to me vent. I have no place to vent really.

SueBear · October 2013

Why should YOU be embarressed? Your children are well cared for; your ex-FIL is playing games.

I would also add that your ex-MIL and ex are grown adults. They need to stand up to ex-FIL. Is there any consequence you can provide in case they do call CPS? Such as denying ex-MIL time visits with the kids (because if she calls CPS, it demonstrates that she does not have the kids best interest at heart), or if you give your ex leeway with pickups, dropoffs, if he owes you money, etc.?

If nothing else, maybe this is a lesson that your ex does not need to know what goes on in your house.

bebe11 · October 2013

That is just horrible that your ex FIL would call CPS.

Also, I don't think it is anyones business, especially your ex and his family to know about how much money you have in savings and what your plans with the money are or were going to be. I'd try to limit the amount of personal information you tell them, unless it directly relates to your children.

AlwaysForgetful · October 2013

Consequences? No. They already deal with those.

I am the one with the really odd tiered visitation due to my autistic child with abandonment issues. 3 months of consistent weekly supervised visits. Then 3 months of being able to take kids 5 hours at a time weekly (providing he takes a "class" to be aware of eldest's special sensory needs), then 12 hours or over night at my digression after that. Holiday visits go by the rules set by visitation. So right now, he does not get Thanksgiving. Although I do try and work them in for a visit since we are in the area in the first half of the day. They normally decline (their choice).

Ex MIL sees the kids because she drives Ex. They are actually both really good to my daughter (not Ex's) and we do get along. I invite them to birthday parties to include them. The last boys' party was 2 weeks ago though.

Visitation? Kinda a joke. He has seen them 6 times this year. I am flexible, but since the last boy already had his party, I know I will not see them till after Christmas. Sad but true.

Well, Ex knows about the Gov. shut down and where DH works. So he knows there is no pay.

Ex does owe money, but he is currently paying child support, so they are not going to go after him. lol The court scared him into paying finally in June.

KTdidit · October 2013

wow what a jerk! Sorry you have to go through this right before having a newborn, that is stressful enough. Hopefully the shutdown doesn;t last too long so your DH will be able to spend some quality time with you and the new baby, and your XFIL will get off your back.

Littlejen22 · October 2013

I wonder if there is anything you can do preventative to almost give CPS a heads-up that your ex-FIL is threatening to file false accusations? Probably not but maybe someone here know something.

As for the baby that sucks. I am so sorry you will not have a lot of help and you have extra stress. Do you have anyone else you can ask for help?

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Need to vent. Glad Ex gave me a heads up though.

Re: Need to vent. Glad Ex gave me a heads up though.

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