Am I being overprotective?

melody921 · October 2013

DS's daycare class is taking a field trip to the pumpkin patch in a couple of weeks. At 3.5, he's the youngest one in his pre-K class (small school, so he ends up getting moved up a bit earlier than he would at another place). When I heard about the trip, all I could think is that I didn't want him on a bus, on the highway, driving 20+ minutes from school to the pumpkin patch. The options were: let him ride the bus (they said they'd put his car seat on, but I'm not sure how you attach a car seat to a bus seat); chaperone the trip and drive him myself; or don't let him go. DH and I agreed that we wanted him to be able to go since there's already a lot of excitement and talk about the day at school. So, I ended up taking vacation time so I'll be able to go along. Am I alone here in thinking 3.5 is young to be going on a field trip and riding a bus without a parent?

MomtobeNJ · October 2013

I'm interested to hear other opinions as well, because I feel like I would have done the same thing. At 3.5 they're still so little. Can they really be securely buckled into a school bus seat when they're that small?

BarefootContessa · October 2013

That's tough. Eventually he'll be riding a bus, without a car seat (don't kids have to sit in booster seats for a long time now?)... Would you feel safer riding the bus with him?

Hyaline · October 2013

I don't get why the bus makes a difference (provided safe seating can be provided). Why would it be comfortable for you to let him walk on a field trip (say, to a park down the street), but not to take a bus? At the same time, it sounds like a fun trip, and I think if your vacation time isn't too hard to come by, it's a good use of it!

MomtobeNJ · October 2013

Just to clarify, I wouldn't be worried about my DD going 20 minutes away without me. I trust my daycare staff. It's the bus I would not be thrilled about.

melody921 · October 2013

MomtobeNJ said:

Just to clarify, I wouldn't be worried about my DD going 20 minutes away without me. I trust my daycare staff. It's the bus I would not be thrilled about.

Exactly. 20 minutes on a bus on the highway without a car seat.

Hyaline · October 2013

melody921 said:

MomtobeNJ said:

Just to clarify, I wouldn't be worried about my DD going 20 minutes away without me. I trust my daycare staff. It's the bus I would not be thrilled about.

Exactly. 20 minutes on a bus on the highway without a car seat.

But they said they can install a carseat--I feel like you're jumping to conclusions on this. Can you look into this more before deciding it's impossible?

Hyaline · October 2013

melody921 said:

MomtobeNJ said:

Just to clarify, I wouldn't be worried about my DD going 20 minutes away without me. I trust my daycare staff. It's the bus I would not be thrilled about.

Exactly. 20 minutes on a bus on the highway without a car seat.

But they said they can install a carseat--I feel like you're jumping to conclusions on this. Can you look into this more before deciding it's impossible?

purplegem11 · October 2013

I think I would have done exactly what you have done. Bus + 3.5 year old = nervous momma.

melody921 · October 2013

Hyaline said:

melody921 said:

MomtobeNJ said:

Just to clarify, I wouldn't be worried about my DD going 20 minutes away without me. I trust my daycare staff. It's the bus I would not be thrilled about.

Exactly. 20 minutes on a bus on the highway without a car seat.

But they said they can install a carseat--I feel like you're jumping to conclusions on this. Can you look into this more before deciding it's impossible?

They did say they could put his car seat on the bus. But it just strikes me as hard to install on a bus seat. What's keeping it secure? This is why I decided to chaperone so I could just drive him. I know he'll ride a bus every day for kindergarten, but i feel like 5 is different than 3.5, you know? But then I think maybe other parents don't think as I do and I'm a worrywart.

MomtobeNJ · October 2013

Again, I agree with you. How do you know the car seat will be installed securely and correctly? You don't want to be hovering over them while they do it. And if it's not secure enough for you, you have to take it out, put it back in your car and drive him anyway.

I would go. Plus, it will be fun! Especially since he's so excited to go.

JulesDiane · October 2013

I have a 3.5 year old and I think she would love that trip. My issue would probably be less with the bus ride, and more concern over losing her at the pumpkin patch. I only have 2 kids to keep an eye on when I go places, and one of them doesn't even walk. DD is a "wanderer" and I have lost track of her more times than I care to admit. I would also be hesitant about DD going on a field trip at 3.5. I don't blame you for going and I think it will be fun for both of you that you are!

kelbel527 · October 2013

It may be overprotective, but I would do the exact same thing.

Maybe if it's a coach bus (with individual "seats") they could install his seat? I would feel very uncomfortable with my 3 1/2 year old riding a school bus without a car seat. I also think there is a big difference between 5 and 3 1/2. Our daycare only does "field-trips" to places they can walk. For that, I am thankful.

On a related note, DS1 gave me a speech the other day about how he doesn't want to go to kindergarden because he doesn't want to ride a school bus because he's afraid he'd fall out of his seat without a seatbelt. (Apparently someone at daycare must have mentioned all of this because we've never discussed kindergarden. I'm clearly in denial until he's at least 4!)

Hyaline · October 2013

MomtobeNJ said:

Again, I agree with you. How do you know the car seat will be installed securely and correctly? You don't want to be hovering over them while they do it. And if it's not secure enough for you, you have to take it out, put it back in your car and drive him anyway.

I would go. Plus, it will be fun! Especially since he's so excited to go.

melody921 said:

Hyaline said:

melody921 said:

MomtobeNJ said:

Just to clarify, I wouldn't be worried about my DD going 20 minutes away without me. I trust my daycare staff. It's the bus I would not be thrilled about.

Exactly. 20 minutes on a bus on the highway without a car seat.

But they said they can install a carseat--I feel like you're jumping to conclusions on this. Can you look into this more before deciding it's impossible?

They did say they could put his car seat on the bus. But it just strikes me as hard to install on a bus seat. What's keeping it secure? This is why I decided to chaperone so I could just drive him. I know he'll ride a bus every day for kindergarten, but i feel like 5 is different than 3.5, you know? But then I think maybe other parents don't think as I do and I'm a worrywart.

OK, voice of dissent here, but--if you trust your DCP, why wouldn't you trust them to safely install a carseat or to tell you it can't be done? It "strikes you" as difficult to do--based on what info? Do you trust your DCP or not? I'll be honest, that seems like a bigger issue to me.

If you feel better going along, that's fine. You've made up your mind regardless. But not trusting the DCP to be safe with the carseats...I dunno, that would worry me more. Because if they said "Oh, yeah, it's safe, we'll put in the carseat" and it's not? That's lying to me about safety and that I am NOT ok with.

plus12012 · October 2013

When I was working in a pre-school, we did take out 2's and 3's on field trips and put their carseats on busses. We used activity busses and the carseats went on the busses safely. We had lots of parents join us so we had plenty of chaperones. The kids loved it and the parents were usually impressed with how well field trips went with those age groups.

Now that I'm a Mom I have to admit I'd be a little paranoid of sending DD off on a field trip w/out DH or I going along to keep an eye on her.

melody921 · October 2013

Hyaline said:

MomtobeNJ said:

Again, I agree with you. How do you know the car seat will be installed securely and correctly? You don't want to be hovering over them while they do it. And if it's not secure enough for you, you have to take it out, put it back in your car and drive him anyway.

I would go. Plus, it will be fun! Especially since he's so excited to go.

melody921 said:

Hyaline said:

melody921 said:

MomtobeNJ said:

Just to clarify, I wouldn't be worried about my DD going 20 minutes away without me. I trust my daycare staff. It's the bus I would not be thrilled about.

Exactly. 20 minutes on a bus on the highway without a car seat.

But they said they can install a carseat--I feel like you're jumping to conclusions on this. Can you look into this more before deciding it's impossible?

They did say they could put his car seat on the bus. But it just strikes me as hard to install on a bus seat. What's keeping it secure? This is why I decided to chaperone so I could just drive him. I know he'll ride a bus every day for kindergarten, but i feel like 5 is different than 3.5, you know? But then I think maybe other parents don't think as I do and I'm a worrywart.

OK, voice of dissent here, but--if you trust your DCP, why wouldn't you trust them to safely install a carseat or to tell you it can't be done? It "strikes you" as difficult to do--based on what info? Do you trust your DCP or not? I'll be honest, that seems like a bigger issue to me.

If you feel better going along, that's fine. You've made up your mind regardless. But not trusting the DCP to be safe with the carseats...I dunno, that would worry me more. Because if they said "Oh, yeah, it's safe, we'll put in the carseat" and it's not? That's lying to me about safety and that I am NOT ok with.

I don't think they'd be malicious in installing it incorrectly or lying about it. I do trust and really like our DCP. I just think car seat + bus sounds complicated. And while I realize anything could happen, even if I'm driving, it just seems a little dangerous to me to have a 3.5-year-old on the bus all that way.

bosha711 · October 2013

DS, at 2.5, rode on a bus in a very similar scenario. Each child had to have a parent/guardian chaperone. The older preschool kids, 3-5 yr old, were just chaperoned by the staff.

I was a little nervous, but allowed him to go. My SIL chaperoned him. He had a blast.

Eta the bus had seatbelts

Holly_1007 · October 2013

most busses have seatbelts around here, so I would assumed that is how they would install it. How much older are the other kids? I know if Keagan wasnt restrained in his seat he would be all over the place. I would do what you are doing, or go on the bus with him.

noloveintennis · October 2013

I worked for both Head Start and a daycare here. For Head Start we had kids as young as 3 riding the bus for up to an hour every day. The bus had seatbelts, and car seats for every kid. We took field trips every month, and never had a problem. If there weren't parent volunteers we went with 17 kids, 2 teachers, and the bus driver. We never lost a child. For the daycare, they had their own bus, and it was equipped with seatbelts as well. When tnedhounger rooms went on a field trip the parents were required to leave their car seat and we would install them in the morning before the trip. I am pretty anal about how tight car seats are put in, and I never worried about them. If you are concerned, and would rather not use the vacation I would ask them to let you install the car seat in the bus yourself, or show you how they install it so you can see how it works/how secure it is.
ETA: it may be something you might want to know for the future, in case of more field trips

jenndub · October 2013

I went on Emma's first pumpkin patch field trip, she was 4. I let her ride on the bus without me and I met them at the pumpkin patch. I was a little worried that she might wander off and I wanted to be there to enjoy the experience with her. We had a great time, I'm not sorry I went. I think you should do whatever you're comfortable with and not worry about what the other moms are doing.

kjskjs · October 2013

I'm not sure what I would do as far as a field trip and a bus BUT personally, I wouldn't want my kid going to a pumpkin patch without me. I love picking pumpkins and I kind of view that as a family activity to get ready for a holiday so I would probably go with him or have him not go at all and plan our own trip as a family for a day near when the school was going.

KellersPrag · October 2013

kjskjs said:
I'm not sure what I would do as far as a field trip and a bus BUT personally, I wouldn't want my kid going to a pumpkin patch without me. I love picking pumpkins and I kind of view that as a family activity to get ready for a holiday so I would probably go with him or have him not go at all and plan our own trip as a family for a day near when the school was going.

That seems silly. Would you also tell the school they can't celebrate LO's birthday because that's a family activity?

KellersPrag · October 2013

LL beat me.

melody921 · October 2013

Afunky6 said:

Holly_1007 said:

most busses have seatbelts around here, so I would assumed that is how they would install it. How much older are the other kids? I know if Keagan wasnt restrained in his seat he would be all over the place. I would do what you are doing, or go on the bus with him.

Really? That is really awesome that buses have seatbelts around your area. I know in GA they didn't, at least where I was at. In ND, I guess I'm not really sure because I've never had a child in school.

Yeah, not sure if our buses have seat belts either. But I'm thinking they probably do. Holly, DS would also be all over the place if not restrained.

melody921 · October 2013

LoisLayn23 said:

kjskjs said:

I'm not sure what I would do as far as a field trip and a bus BUT personally, I wouldn't want my kid going to a pumpkin patch without me. I love picking pumpkins and I kind of view that as a family activity to get ready for a holiday so I would probably go with him or have him not go at all and plan our own trip as a family for a day near when the school was going.

Really? You'd deprive him of that because it's a family trip? So take him again.

Yeah, why can't you go again? DS will go with school (and me), with his grandparents and probably again with our family. More pumpkins!

danabsd · October 2013

LoisLayn23 said:

kjskjs said:

I'm not sure what I would do as far as a field trip and a bus BUT personally, I wouldn't want my kid going to a pumpkin patch without me. I love picking pumpkins and I kind of view that as a family activity to get ready for a holiday so I would probably go with him or have him not go at all and plan our own trip as a family for a day near when the school was going.

Really? You'd deprive him of that because it's a family trip? So take him again.

Yeah, why can't you go again? DS will go with school (and me), with his grandparents and probably again with our family. More pumpkins!

No, I don't think your being overprotective and I agree getallthepumpkins!

AKB090609 · October 2013

Usually preschool busses have seat belts that are designed to adjust to fit small children properly, so that part would be fine with me as far as the bus goes. I would probably want to go on the trip if my kid was one of the youngest because I would worry about their ability to follow directions and stay with the group in a new situation.

hmp1 · October 2013

Our daycare bus is like a large van, it has seat belts. I'm not sure if I would feel comfortable with him on the bus though, I don't know. He will hopefully still be rf at 3.5. Even if there is room in the bus for his seat to be rear facing, will he want to sit ff because the other kids are, will that then make him want to sit ff in our car? All things I'm not wanting to deal with and I would love to chaperone. I would probably just make myself feel better by saying if he rides with me we can just go straight home after and not back to the school.

1fish2fish · October 2013

I'd probably sign on to go so I could watch him experience his first field trip...but I'm sure, subconsciously, I'd be observing the whole process to help me make a more informed decision about him going in the future.

plus12012 · October 2013

When I was working in a pre-school, we did take out 2's and 3's on field trips and put their carseats on busses. We used activity busses and the carseats went on the busses safely. We had lots of parents join us so we had plenty of chaperones. The kids loved it and the parents were usually impressed with how well field trips went with those age groups.

Now that I'm a Mom I have to admit I'd be a little paranoid of sending DD off on a field trip w/out DH or I going along to keep an eye on her.

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