Blended Families
Nineoceans
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Teenagers and cars
Nineoceans
member
Just curious if you have teens in a blended family what you do about a car?
This prompted by SS who came home from my estranged IL's house telling me they have money set aside for him for a car when he's 16. Of course they do!
Were it up to us we would do no car or very limited use of our cars because we are in a walkable city and I don't want the lawsuits when SS inevitably has an accident that is his fault.
Other than that a car is a privilege that can get kids to do things you want and if its up to my in laws who think Cs are "good enough" grades we will have no leverage over SS.
So just curious what others did in hostile or disagreeing situations about cars. We have 6 more years so I'm not super stressed more just curious
This prompted by SS who came home from my estranged IL's house telling me they have money set aside for him for a car when he's 16. Of course they do!
Were it up to us we would do no car or very limited use of our cars because we are in a walkable city and I don't want the lawsuits when SS inevitably has an accident that is his fault.
Other than that a car is a privilege that can get kids to do things you want and if its up to my in laws who think Cs are "good enough" grades we will have no leverage over SS.
So just curious what others did in hostile or disagreeing situations about cars. We have 6 more years so I'm not super stressed more just curious
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Re: Teenagers and cars
SD2 will be 15 in two months and has already been asking us to buy her a car. We told her no and said, like with SD1, that if she wants a car she can get a job and save her money.
We gave SD1 $1,000 when she graduated from high school (which she promptly spent on crap and did not save for a vehicle). We will give SD2 that when she graduates in a few years. She can use it for a vehicle or spend it on temporary pleasures like her sister. It's her choice.
I think BM will buy them both a car and then play the "your dad doesn't love you" card (like when we refused to buy SD1 a pair of $300 boots. I mean, I don't even own any shoes worth $300!). Or try to guilt my DH into sharing the cost. We already pay $3000 a month (about $1500 more than is court ordered just to be helpful). We aren't paying for any additional expenses that aren't medically or educationally related. If she wants to foot the bill, go ahead. But we aren't sharing it and we've made it clear.
I worked three jobs, went to college, and lived independently by the time I was 15. I had to ride the bus until I had saved enough money for a vehicle and the operating expenses that went along with it. It made me appreciate the freedom having a car brought me and made me value my modest car. I want both SD's to experience the pride and appreciation of earning such a big life changing object for themselves. Working toward a goal and achieving it is a very important life lesson.
Due to the history of cars (and lack thereof) at Gma's, we will not allow K to take the car we end up purchasing over there. BM drove without a driver's license or insurance for over a year back when BM and DH were first dating. She saw nothing wrong with it until DH refused to go anywhere with her until she took her damn driver's test. She was 21 at the time, I'm completely serious. BM currently lets her brother (who is 20 I believe) drive her car all the time and he doesn't have a driver's license. DH and I just are not comfortable letting K take a car over there that we are ultimately responsible for, knowing how lackadaisical BM is regarding driving laws.
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Fortunately SS's mother lives on the other side of the country so we don't have to worry about our legal and financial responsibility for a vehicle when he's visiting her.
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If the BM wants to buy the car - LET HER. Let her deal with it entirely.
I fully expect to buy DD a car, but I gotta tell ya...if XH wants to buy her a car, I'll let him take on that expense and responsibility. And then I plan on teaching DD responsibility and safe driving skills. I'll still be extremely diligent on this.
So I'm unclear about this subject.
If Custodial parent gets a car for the child, and doesn't involve NCP in decision making, financial responsibility,gas,etc....and the child has an accident. The NCP can STILL be held partially responsible?
My DS didn't get his license until he was 18, and had no interest in even having his own car, because he would have to pay for it (he is soooooo cheap). His uncle ended up giving him a car and now he is 21 and pays for everything himself.
My ss is turning 16 in March. My DH is not encouraging him to take drivers ed classes. My FIL has an old Monte Carlo that he said he was planning to give to SS when he starts driving. I leave what DH and BM want to do, up to them.
I'll address the issue with my DD when the time comes, she is just turning 12 in November.
Apparently, I'm in the minority here. My DD will be getting her learner's permit at 15 and her license at 16. DH, BD and myself all worked from the age of 16 and had our own vehicles and jobs. IMO that taught me a lot of responsibility and I want DD to learn that as well. I don't want any of our kids to end up like my nephew at 21 and not have a license because he didn't have a permit to learn to drive and now can't get/keep a job because he doesn't have reliable transportation. We were in the process of getting him his license when he left our house. He had taken the required course for driver's over 18 without a license and he finished it the weekend he moved out. We never had a chance to teach him to drive. His parents never felt obligated to teach him and well I seriously doubt SIL ever will and his dad isn't alive to do so anymore. So he is now 21 and still can't drive.
My mother took me to get my learner's permit at 15. I received my license at 16 and had a job within 2 months of turning 16. I was required to pay my portion of insurance, which was part of my parents insurance policy. We lived in the boonies so getting anywhere required a vehicle or someone who could drive you. I was the oldest so my having a vehicle was to my parents advantage. My first car was a tank. My grandmother's old Oldsmobile she'd bought the same year I was born. It was in my parents name and my use of it was at their discretion. I drove their vehicles often too but my daily use was the tank for taking my siblings and I to school and home or to work. If they had any doubts about where I was or who I was with, I would have lost my privileges and they would not have hesitated to report me if I took the car without permission.
As to a family member buying a car for one of my LO's, if I didn't want the child to have it I'd be expecting them to pay for insurance, licensing and keeping it in their name. I would not be taking any liability for it. In my family a vehicle is a privilege that comes with responsible behavior. I will definitely make sure our LO's have their learners permit and teach them to drive. I'll probably make sure that they have their license but I make no guarantee they'll have a vehicle of their own. I will probably meet them on whatever they save to purchase their own vehicle if I feel they can handle that responsibility.
Well, that's the plan but until we get there we won't know for certain.
My understanding is that both parents (as well as SP's) can be held financially liable for the minor. At my old Law Firm we handled PI cases, and we filed suit against Mom and SF, Dad and SM, because the driver was under 18. Truth be told it was basically a matter of who had the deeper pockets. The way it was explained to me is that regardless of who maintains the automobile insurance or who the child lives with, both parents are responsible for the minor child.
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