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Please Help - Difficulty w/ very attached 10mth old

lunagidlunagid member
in Attachment Parenting
Hi,

I was wondering if someone can please help me as I'm starting to feel overwhelmed.

I have a 10 month old little girl who I have basically been following attachment parenting for her whole life (co-sleeping, still breastfeeding/feeding on demand, etc) and I'm having the following problems with her now which seem to be getting worse:

- She seems to have problems sleeping for long periods, both day and night. Firstly, she needs to breastfeed in order to fall asleep and seems to use me as a comfort/pacifier to help her fall asleep - she doesn't seem to be able to fall asleep without it & fights sleep even though it's clear she becomes overtired. 

- If I try to then put her down in a cot or separate from me, she wakes up immediately and starts crying/screaming until I pick her up and will not sleep by herself at all

- Throughout the night, she will wake up and start crying until I start breastfeeding. Again, she doesn't even necessarily feed but uses me as a comfort to fall back asleep but as soon as she becomes detached, she will soon wake up again and start crying. This happens almost every hour throughout the night even though we are co-sleeping.

I've tried to use a dummy/pacifier but she won't have it at all - she shouts and cries with it and gets angry.

Also, if I put her down or have someone else hold her even for a short while, she will start shouting and crying quite quickly until I pick her up again (and then she will settle down).

She doesn't play by herself for long either - maybe after 10 minutes or so; she constantly needs my attention and will start crying and shouting if I'm not holding her and giving her my full focus.

Please can somebody help? Is this normal behaviour for a 10 month old? If so, how long does this last until? And if not, what can I do to help overcome this without causing her emotional damage?

Thank you for your help :)
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Re: Please Help - Difficulty w/ very attached 10mth old

  • Emerald27Emerald27 member
    She might be starting to experience some separation anxiety and fear of strangers. That could explain why she's uncomfortable with others and doesn't want to be left alone. My DS went through a paise around that time where if I acted as though I was going to go around the corner, he'd freak! Even if he was happily playing, I needed to be right there watching him. I think it's really normal/age appropriate.

    As far as nursing during the night, it's still common and normal for babies at 10 months to wake up several times a night to nurse. If she's teething, she might need the boob to soothe her aching gums too. I know DS was getting molars around 10 months and sleep was really rough.

    If you can, I'd try laying with her for naps, and slowly sneaking away once she's very deeply asleep. I lay with DS (almost 2 years old) and nurse him to sleep, then stay for 15-20 minutes so that he's deeply deeply asleep before I slip away.

    During the night, since you're cosleeping, I'd snuggle her as close as possible and then once she's very deeply asleep, remove your nipple from her mouth very gently so that she doesn't wake.

    Good luck! This won't last forever. I promise! Sounds like you're a very gentle, loving mama. Good work!
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  • bullybuttbullybutt member
    My 13 mo is the same exact way and has always been VERY attached to the boob.  No pacifier, no other comfort measures, just boob!  He nursed during the night like crazy when he was teething...I would get SO frustrated, but knew that he needed them for a reason and succumbed to it.  It was just a phase.  At 13 mo's he has pretty much weaned himself during the day but still needs boob to fall alseep (which is fine by me because it's SO much easier than trying to FORCE him to fall asleep on his own).  We bedshare and I will pull away whenever he pops off (and they will). I have noticed that as soon as he feels me next to him, that is when he starts searching for boob, so I try to keep my distance as much as I can.  It's just a phase mama, just a phase!!

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  • musicalmama5musicalmama5 member
    I feel like we all need to get "it's just a phase" tattooed on our eyelids...
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  • st.augbridest.augbride member
    Everything the PPs said! Also, it is just the temperament of some LOs to be much needier and more intense. My dd (now almost 9 months old) is exactly the same way. Ds never was like this! I know it will ease up as they get older, but man it can be tough sometimes!
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  • lunagidlunagid member
    Thank you all so much for your very kind and helpful replies :)
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  • musicalmama5musicalmama5 member
    I thought of another idea for you to get a little bit of time to yourself. Are there any older kids in your network that can come and play with the baby? We have some neighbor kids who love to come and play with DS, and while he's occupied with them in the living room, I can hurry up and clean up the kitchen or bathroom or whatever. Or just sit in the kitchen and have a cup of coffee by myself. So, you don't have to hire a babysitter (in fact, the other kid's parents may even think of you as babysitting for them...), but you still get a little time off. Obviously if the kid is young, you can't leave the house, but you will at least be "off duty" for a bit.
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