My blood is boililng (am I over reacting)

STint520 · September 2013

Would you let your nanny (or anyone who is caring for your child), be disrespectful to your LO? DH just witnessed our sitter bring the dust buster into the kitchen and approached little one saying "do you want me to turn this on, if not, stop throwing your food". We have a camera that he watches time from time. Did I mention LO is beyond scared of the dust buster/vacuum?

Samiantha101 · September 2013

I'm mobile, so I can't see the age of your LO, but yes, I would be upset. I would definitely confront nanny. Have you talked with her about discipline at all?

STint520 · September 2013

13 months

dglvrk2 · September 2013

What your nanny did seems mean. I understand her frusturation. I assume your LO is toddler age (throwing food + affriad of dust buster). Toddlers throw food. There are other ways to try to stop/correct this behavior. Do have a serious talk with the nanny....soon.

MomtobeNJ · September 2013

I don't think you are overreacting...I would be furious as well. That is going beyond being disrespectful. That is using fear to motivate and threaten a baby. Unacceptable.

Nechie122 · September 2013

I think you need to have a conversation with your nanny about acceptable forms of discipline. You used the term "disrespectful," but you have to understand that there will be instances where your nanny will need to correct your child's behavior.

Now, that said, I don't think her approach was acceptable AT ALL. Believe me, those are words I've been tempted to say to my own toddler (who's also terrified of the vacuum) but I control myself because the vacuum is not a punishment -- it's just the way we clean the house. I also want to help ease her fear, not contribute to it.

If the nanny had taken the food away and redirected to a new activity, I think that would have been appropriate. You should also discuss when and if time-outs are okay (as your LO gets older.)

daisy662 · September 2013

My little guy is almost 14 months and constantly throws food. That is what they do. If your "nanny" has that little patience, I would find a new one. That is unacceptable. A child that young is not going to learn from those scare tactics. Does she threaten him with that for other things to? I don't think you are overreacting at all. Best of luck!

STint520 · September 2013

daisy662 said:

My little guy is almost 14 months and constantly throws food. That is what they do. If your "nanny" has that little patience, I would find a new one. That is unacceptable. A child that young is not going to learn from those scare tactics. Does she threaten him with that for other things to? I don't think you are overreacting at all. Best of luck!

I always give benefit of the doubt. Perhaps she was bringing it in to show her that she now had to clean up the mess rather than scare her with it? I don't know, but I want to cry.

STint520 · September 2013

Oh...and he just told me that she also said to LO to "shut that mouth". He wasn't sure if he should tell me or not because he knew it would send me over the edge.

st.augbride · September 2013

Kids throw food at that age. They outgrow it. Threats sure don't help. I'd be pissed.

FemShep · September 2013

She would be fired. Seriously. Using fear to punish your LO for something that is normal developmentally is a huge problem. And combined with the other comment, she sounds like she doesn't have th best temperament for dealing with normal toddler-ness. After this, I'd be even more afraid of what was going on when she wasn't in sight of the camera.

daisy662 · September 2013

STint520 said:

daisy662 said:

My little guy is almost 14 months and constantly throws food. That is what they do. If your "nanny" has that little patience, I would find a new one. That is unacceptable. A child that young is not going to learn from those scare tactics. Does she threaten him with that for other things to? I don't think you are overreacting at all. Best of luck!

I want to cry for you!!! I am the opposite, I don't give the benefit of the doubt, at least where my kid is concerned! Make sure to keep us posted!
I always give benefit of the doubt. Perhaps she was bringing it in to show her that she now had to clean up the mess rather than scare her with it? I don't know, but I want to cry.

Virgo17 · September 2013

That is just bizarre. My first thought was that she was showing LO would have to turn on the vacuum to clean because he/she was making a mess, but the "shut that mouth" comment was awful too.

I think you need to have a frank conversation with her about appropriate forms of "discipline". Although you really can't necessarily discipline a 13 month old, redirecting is about all you can do at that age.

Also, if she knows she is being videotaped and acts that way, imagine what she would do off camera.

honeybee111 · September 2013

I would consider finding a new nanny. If she's that short on patience at this age, it's not going to get better as your LO enters the tantrum/terrible 2s and 3s stage. I seriously question her childcare techniques if she's using threats and intimidation to discipline your toddler.

st.augbride · September 2013

Wow, just saw that other comment. Fired. No room for excuses. Who knows what happens behind closed doors. I know finding nannies is hard, but it's your kid and there just is no place for that.

PaMommy02 · September 2013

LibraryChica said:

STint520 said:
Oh...and he just told me that she also said to LO to "shut that mouth". He wasn't sure if he should tell me or not because he knew it would send me over the edge.
Oh no. She would be fired. I'm so sorry. I'm furious for you.

I agree! I usually just lurk on this board but your post hit me the wrong way. Fire her today! God knows how she treats him when no ones there. Don't be soft about this, it's your baby we are talking about.

emberlee3 · September 2013

That is unacceptable. She needs to find a new line of work, preferably one that does not involve interaction with any other human beings.

PunkyBooster · September 2013

We had a nanny for 2 years. You mean to say she knows LO is afraid of that and used it to threaten him as a form of punishment for his normal (but annoying as hell) food throwing behavior?

Fire her ass.

Let her file for UE and tell the caseworker what she did. Denied.

What a bitch!!!!!

laurakaz13 · September 2013

For the first item, I would be pissed and talk to her. Hearing her say, "Shut that mouth", she would be fired the minute I walked in the door.

ss+el · September 2013

laurakaz13 said:

For the first item, I would be pissed and talk to her. Hearing her say, "Shut that mouth", she would be fired the minute I walked in the door.

This. I have been known to remind DS that if he makes a mess, I have to vacuum, but not threaten him with it outright!

EastCoastBride · September 2013

Yeah, with that comment to, fired. The first- it's angering but I'd hope talking to her and giving her other solutions might help. But that comment? I agree- she doesn't have theright temperment.

litzo27 · September 2013

With the first comment I could give her the benefit of the doubt. I discuss plenty of natural consequences with my kids and that includes the fact that if they make a mess I have to turn the vacuum on to clean it up. But it depends on the tone I guess.

The second is not ok. Although I do say that to my kids. But I expect my caregivers not to.

bullybutt · September 2013

Would you let your nanny (or anyone who is caring for your child), be disrespectful to your LO? DH just witnessed our sitter bring the dust buster into the kitchen and approached little one saying "do you want me to turn this on, if not, stop throwing your food". We have a camera that he watches time from time. Did I mention LO is beyond scared of the dust buster/vacuum?

There is no benefit of doubt here, IMO. This is a threat as well. It would take everything I had not to drag her out of my house by her hair. Is this her first nanny gig? Regardless, it's unacceptable and you definitely need to find alternative care for your LO. If you can't do it, have your husband deal with her!

shannm · September 2013

Nope, I wouldn't pay for a caretaker like that.

Mustardseed2007 · September 2013

STint520 said:

daisy662 said:

My little guy is almost 14 months and constantly throws food. That is what they do. If your "nanny" has that little patience, I would find a new one. That is unacceptable. A child that young is not going to learn from those scare tactics. Does she threaten him with that for other things to? I don't think you are overreacting at all. Best of luck!

I always give benefit of the doubt. Perhaps she was bringing it in to show her that she now had to clean up the mess rather than scare her with it? I don't know, but I want to cry.

I was initially thinking the same: maybe she meant that she had to turn it on now that she has to clean his mess and she knows he doesn't like it.

But if the tone was venomous and words also included a "shut that mouth" then it sounds like a threat and just a completely inappropriate reaction to the situation. And this is over meal times? What is she going to do when he throws a REAL fit?

Muffins_Mom · September 2013

No, you are NOT over reacting. The nanny was threatening to terrorize your child for being a child. Fire her. I didn't have any doubt, but the second comment sealed the deal for me.

Meery82 · September 2013

Please give us updates! I hope you booted that bitch out the door!

SimpleJane · September 2013

If anyone EVER said "shut that mouth" to my 13 month old they would never be given an opportunity to be alone with my child again. Does she know there is a camera? If she will do that in front of the camera imagine what she would do without it.

bullybutt · September 2013

@STint520 What happened with the nanny?

My blood is boililng (am I over reacting)

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