XP: Sexy Time Fail

PrimRoseMama · September 2013

Well we got both babies sleeping (a miracle!). So then we were excited to get some naked adult time. Omg y'all the area where my tear/stitches were HURT like a motherfucker. Like, no amount of lube fixed this situation.

We kept trying but damn I had to tap out. We are going to try again soon but argh. I was into it and really appreciate my husband's patience. Stupid 3rd degree tear.

CaliforniaDream87 · September 2013

Ouch. Hopefully the next try is EXPLOSIVE :x

LJUTCMommy · September 2013

@PrimRoseMama I had the same problem, even after DH did, um, a lot of work downtown, to get things going. And I was 8 weeks PP!

I don't know when it will be right again. Maybe we'll try again next week.

amarissa85 · September 2013

I had that problem with my first as well. It felt weird. Like a VIRGIN!!! Touched for the very first time!! I kid I kid. I am happy I didn't tear or get cut with this one.

PrimRoseMama · September 2013

I'm sorry! @LJUTCMommy! It's an issue with pressure on the area. It creates this, for lack of a better description, line of pain along the stitched site. I know it's healed & nothing will happen, but for a minute there it feels like you might tear all over again. Add the stabbing pain and Good Night, I'm done!

Texasmomma13 · September 2013

Uggh. This does Not help my anxiety about resuming our sex life. I got the all clear this week but haven't had the nerve, or the energy for that matter, to even try.
I hope it goes better for you next time!

AprilRaine · September 2013

Eek! I know gonna have to put out soon and this is what I'm terrified of!
May I ask what brand lube you used? I hear that makes a difference.

LJUTCMommy · September 2013

PrimRoseMama said:

I'm sorry! @LJUTCMommy! It's an issue with pressure on the area. It creates this, for lack of a better description, line of pain along the stitched site. I know it's healed & nothing will happen, but for a minute there it feels like you might tear all over again. Add the stabbing pain and Good Night, I'm done!

That fear of ripping open again is definitely there. Another issue I have is that I feel really shallow. It is so painful for anything deeper than a couple inches. Have you experienced this too?

CaliforniaDream87 · September 2013

LJUTCMommy said:

PrimRoseMama said:

I'm sorry! @LJUTCMommy! It's an issue with pressure on the area. It creates this, for lack of a better description, line of pain along the stitched site. I know it's healed & nothing will happen, but for a minute there it feels like you might tear all over again. Add the stabbing pain and Good Night, I'm done!

That fear of ripping open again is definitely there. Another issue I have is that I feel really shallow. It is so painful for anything deeper than a couple inches. Have you experienced this too?

Oh boy if I hadn't already DTD I would be terrified after reading this lol

coraggiosa · September 2013

I am so terrified of having sex again. Good luck on your next try Prim!

PrimRoseMama · September 2013

LJUTCMommy said:

PrimRoseMama said:

I'm sorry! @LJUTCMommy! It's an issue with pressure on the area. It creates this, for lack of a better description, line of pain along the stitched site. I know it's healed & nothing will happen, but for a minute there it feels like you might tear all over again. Add the stabbing pain and Good Night, I'm done!

That fear of ripping open again is definitely there. Another issue I have is that I feel really shallow. It is so painful for anything deeper than a couple inches. Have you experienced this too?

I don't feel shallow-- just fear that if H's penis/pelvic area presses hard against my perineum etc. that I am going to break/rip/tear? The actual penetration feels good, but the vaginal opening area is just tender.

I'm sorry to hear about the shallow sensation. Yikes!

Millie1984 · September 2013

We are going to try this weekend and I am SO nervous. I was given the all clear 2 weeks ago so I feel like I have no more excuses...

WashingtonQueen · September 2013

Yep, I know where you are coming from. I tore really bad with DS and was too scared to have sex for 12 weeks.

LJUTCMommy · September 2013

CaliforniaDream87 said:

PrimRoseMama said:

I'm sorry! @LJUTCMommy! It's an issue with pressure on the area. It creates this, for lack of a better description, line of pain along the stitched site. I know it's healed & nothing will happen, but for a minute there it feels like you might tear all over again. Add the stabbing pain and Good Night, I'm done!

That fear of ripping open again is definitely there. Another issue I have is that I feel really shallow. It is so painful for anything deeper than a couple inches. Have you experienced this too?
Oh boy if I hadn't already DTD I would be terrified after reading this lol

LOL! Maybe I should clarify: Just because this is happening to me, doesn't mean it will happen to you!

I also had an emergency D&C (due to a bits of retained placenta) about 30 minutes after giving birth, so I may be extra sensitive because of that.

I also admit, psychologically, I have a really hard time focusing on enjoying sex now that I am a Mom. Like, I just don't feel sexy anymore. I feel like "I am someone's Mom." I know that is completely ridiculous and DH DEFINITELY does not feel that way.

MommyBolty · September 2013

I'm never having sex again.

kwrecks · September 2013

it's threads like this that make me thankful that I had a c-section....

cinderin · September 2013

kwrecks said:
it's threads like this that make me thankful that I had a c-section....

I had a c/s and I am afraid to have sex. I got cleared on Monday at my pp appt but woke up with a fever early Tuesday am. I have been sick since, so dh hasn't said anything about it :-) I am sure he will want to as soon as I am better. When my ob put the speculum in - it was really bad. She said to make sure to use lots of lube. I am bf, so I know that makes it worse. :-)

CelticWife · September 2013

Have you thought about trying a desensitizing lube the first few times?

I had vaginismus before having my first, so sex always hurt in the beginning. My doc recommended it for me to try. After my first (2nd degree tear!) I had a lot of pain along the scar tissue for a while. DH and I had to find new angles where he wasn't pushing on it, and I used the lube for a while so it wasn't so painful. (Just make sure he uses a condom, or he is ok losing some sensation.)

I hope your second try goes better!

nurseclare9 · September 2013

MH came to part of my pp appointment to show off the baby. My ob gave us a talk about how it will be like losing my virginity all over again. I never want sex again. MH brings it up several times a day. Ugh. I do not feel sexy and my bits and pieces feel like they are barely holding it together as it is. Next time can we just hire a surrogate ??

LJUTCMommy · September 2013

clarissamaealison said:

MH came to part of my pp appointment to show off the baby. My ob gave us a talk about how it will be like losing my virginity all over again. I never want sex again. MH brings it up several times a day. Ugh. I do not feel sexy and my bits and pieces feel like they are barely holding it together as it is. Next time can we just hire a surrogate ??

LOL! I already told DH if he wants another we are adopting a 4 year old.

Also, losing my V-Card did not hurt. At all. Not even for a second. Maybe this is like cosmic justice or something?

ELauren88 · September 2013

cristinbolt said:

I'm never having sex again.

Took the words right out of my mouth.

WashingtonQueen · September 2013

ELauren88 said:

cristinbolt said:

I'm never having sex again.

Took the words right out of my mouth.

Welp, no more babies for you guys.

HermansWife · September 2013

This is terrifying. I'm only 3.5 weeks PP, but in definitely not looking forward to resuming if I have this to look forward to. DTD was already semi-painful before baby...

kaylababy5 · September 2013

Just as a side note- my doctor said if things are super dry down there and the lube isn't working there is an estrogen gel they can prescribe. My friend had to use it because DTD was so painful. Her doc took one look and said it looked like she rubbed sandpaper down there! Eek. I know those of us who EBF are more prone to the dryness problem.

Edkitten · September 2013

I have tried to have sexy time 4 times now... It has hurt every one and every time i have up. I used tons online to no avail.
When will it get better? I know I tore bad but it was 2 months ago!

V&G101808 · September 2013

I'm 9 weeks PP and last night was the first time it felt normal again.

kkay1982 · September 2013

DTD last week. Not earth shattering painful but not comfortable either. But really not excited to do it again right away. DH was fine with waiting until we did it once, now he's like a teenage boy. I have to admit I was very happy LO woke up when he did yesterday so we didn't have time.

zora51 · September 2013

I feel nauseous reading this thread!!! In 4 wks PP and scared to death to dtd. I know DH is starting to get anxious to get going though! Eeek!!

cnthrdlywt2bwZ · September 2013

Edkitten said:
I have tried to have sexy time 4 times now... It has hurt every one and every time i have up. I used tons online to no avail.
When will it get better? I know I tore bad but it was 2 months ago!

After my first it felt like I was being stabbed (for lack of a better description) for almost four or five months after being cleared. All started feeling normal about 6-8 months later. It is brutal.

This time all seems to be a little better and more healed but I'm not excited about trying. We got the okay but I just got an IUD put in and thins did not feel great while stretched to put it in and everything was stationary!

Breastfeeding is killing any desire for anything. I also have two kids crawling on me constantly- the last thing I want is a husband attached too when I can finally be autonomous.

rissa06 · September 2013

Bought my bottle if wine for the occasion.

I remember the first time after we had DD and I cried it hurt so much over a bottle of wine.

starshower22 · September 2013

We've DTD 4 times since baby arrived almost 10 weeks ago and it's hurt like hell all but once which, oddly enough, was our 3rd try. We tried again a couple of days ago and it hurt just as bad as the first time we tried. Also, I just don't feel sexy so even without the physical roadblock I'm mentally not enjoying it either.

BubblyDevil · September 2013

I don't get it. We had sex 1 week pp and there was no pain. We are dtd almost every other day and I'm coming up on 10 weeks pp...

CourtJack · September 2013

BubblyDevil said:
I don't get it. We had sex 1 week pp and there was no pain. We are dtd almost every other day and I'm coming up on 10 weeks pp...

1 week??? Aren't you still bleeding?

BubblyDevil · September 2013

CourtJack said:

BubblyDevil said:
I don't get it. We had sex 1 week pp and there was no pain. We are dtd almost every other day and I'm coming up on 10 weeks pp...
1 week??? Aren't you still bleeding?

I was just barely spotting by then.

EAJ10210 · September 2013

I'm not trying rub salt in the wound here OP, just trying to ease the fears of some of the other mamas dreading their first PP romp... DH and I DTD for the first time at 8 weeks PP (didn't get cleared at 6 weeks due to a 2nd degree tear with some lingering stitches) and it was great! Not uncomfortable at all. I also had a borderline 4th degree tear with my first delivery and the first time was different, but not painful. Definitely use lube and try being on top at first so you have more control.

WashingtonQueen · September 2013

BubblyDevil said:

I don't get it. We had sex 1 week pp and there was no pain. We are dtd almost every other day and I'm coming up on 10 weeks pp...

I don't know why you don't get it. You are the exception and it should be pretty clear if you read through the posts.

Also, 1 week PP was not smart, pain or no pain.

CaliforniaDream87 · September 2013

WashingtonQueen said:

BubblyDevil said:

I don't get it. We had sex 1 week pp and there was no pain. We are dtd almost every other day and I'm coming up on 10 weeks pp...

I don't know why you don't get it. You are the exception and it should be pretty clear if you read through the posts.

Also, 1 week PP was not smart, pain or no pain.

I don't understand what's so hard to get. 1 week PP? Um...no.

girlmama83 · September 2013

BubblyDevil said:
I don't get it. We had sex 1 week pp and there was no pain. We are dtd almost every other day and I'm coming up on 10 weeks pp...

Umm... that's you. For those of with tears and stitches there was and is pain. Did your baby just slide out or something?

MommyAmes2 · September 2013

BubblyDevil said:
I don't get it. We had sex 1 week pp and there was no pain. We are dtd almost every other day and I'm coming up on 10 weeks pp...

You're kinda dumb.

What's not to understand? Since you didn't experience pain, other women shouldn't either? Also 1 week PP? Yeahhhh, no.

PrimRoseMama · September 2013

BubblyDevil said:
I don't get it. We had sex 1 week pp and there was no pain. We are dtd almost every other day and I'm coming up on 10 weeks pp...

I am happy you can't relate to my problems, but I feel you should be more mindful of your sexual health.

You are supposed to wait at least 4-6 weeks PP because there is a gaping hole in your uterus where your placenta was attached.

Sex prior to being healed (bleeding or not) is a great way to jeopardize your fertility. You are just lucky that you didn't get an infection.

I know one woman from a support group I frequent who lost her uterus completely because she didn't listen to her doctor about waiting.

So while I am glad you lucked out, no infection, pain or issues DTD-- some of us are not so fortunate. I'm not sure what is "not to get"? It doesn't hurt for you but it does for others.

Awareness. Get some. Kthnxbai.

Soleil3 · September 2013

@BubblyDevil just for a visual image, you are basically pouring semen and sperm into a gaping open bloody wound. What kind of man are you with who is ok with that?

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