Intro

cdale86 · September 2013

Ticker Warning...

Hi Ladies,

I have been lurking for a while now. Honestly, I was active on the boards during IF and pregnancy and wasn't quite ready to get back into it. I have not been able to fully grieve yet and feel like I'm just starting to FULLY grieve and deal with our loss.

I had a very difficult road to pregnancy. I then had a very complicated pregnancy with bleeding and a baby with birth defects. My son was diagnosed with an omphalocele, diaphragmatic hernia and VSD. His chances were not good, but we loved him and FOUGHT for him. He was such a strong fighter too and beta so many odds. His combination of anomalies was quite rare: about 5 in a million I believe. He needed to be in a bigger city about 3.5 hrs from our home in order to have surgery and have the option of ECMO if needed. I went into labor at 32 weeks and we drove to the hospital in the middle of night in a record time of 2 hrs 45 min. As soon as they checked if my water broke, they found that our baby girl had a prolapsed cord. This also a rare birth complication to make our pregnancy just as rare as possible. We were beyond lucky that our little girl survived the drive. I had a very emergent c-section and our twins were both born alive.

Unfortunately, our baby boy's lungs were underdeveloped from the diaphragmatic hernia and he could not oxygenate. They tried everything with no success. I was able to see him and hold the twins together before he passed. Although we knew of his anomalies before birth, we had hope. There was no way to prepare for this loss. I understand that my situation is very different because I still have my daughter. I could not imagine life without her, but it doesn't make his loss easier. Because of her long NICU stay and the craziness of being a new parent, I have not taken the time to fully grieve our loss. The devastation and joyous feelings at the same time were very difficult to deal with. I'm in search of counseling now to process everything and to keep myself healthy. I miss my son every. single. day. I still sleep with his blanket every night and imagine my days with him alongside his sister. My heart breaks for her and her loss as well. I just miss him and love him so much. I was hoping to join you ladies and have a place to share my feelings/pain.

I know that I am so extremely blessed to have my daughter, but hope that I can be welcome here. I find each of you ladies are so incredibly strong! I don't know the rules...should I always include a ticker warning since I have a living twin?

jess123456 · September 2013

I am so very sorry for the loss of your baby boy. Of course you are more than welcome here. A ticker warning is always helpful especially since some ladies here are so new in their losses.

Please know that you have come to a board filled with amazing and supportive women. You don't have to walk this road alone. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

princezjk · September 2013

I am so sorry for your loss. I hope that you find this board as helpful as I have. Also, I would agree with PP regarding a ticker warning. Keeping you and your family in my T&P, (((hugs))).

Bayberry12 · September 2013

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet little Bennett. Sadly, you have found the right place but I hope that you will be able to deal with your grief here. While your situation is different than mine, there are some women here that are parenting a surviving twin and navigating all the emotions and challenges that come along with it. I hope they can offer you some support.

Please know you can share as much or as little here with not judgement, we all know what it means to loose a child.

Noethola · September 2013

Of course you are welcome here. You lost your son. I am so very sorry for that loss. I truly hope that you are able to get support from this group and to reach out to us when you need us. Processing your grief will be a huge step for you and I hope that you are able to find a good counselor to click with. It is a life long process, but I hope that you are able to find ways to express your grief so that you do not keep it all inside.

bunnybun4 · September 2013

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet baby boy, Bennett. I hate to welcome anyone to this group but I am so glad you have found a place for support. Vent here and grieve here as much as you want...this board has been such a comfort to me. ((HUGS))

jbranden12 · September 2013

I am so sorry for the loss of your Bennett. I absolutely love his name! Though my girls were not twins, I understand how difficult it is to parent one child while grieving another.

I don't post as much on here as I used to but I am often on the Preemies board as DD2 is a former 26 weeker. You are welcome to join us there as well! We do have one or more surviving twin mommas.

fluttergirlmoonchild79 · September 2013

***Siggy warning***

So very sorry for your loss. You are more than welcome here. You'll find that no 2 stories getting to this point is the same but unfortunately the end result is. We're all here for you for any support you may need.

JessicaG220 · September 2013

I am so sorry for your loss of your son. We all know your pain. I hope you can find some comfort here. These ladies are amazing! It never gets better, but it gets easier. Lots of hugs to you!

BrittianyM · September 2013

So very sorry for the loss of your sweet little boy Bennett. I am very happy that your sweet little girl is still here with you. Its not fair you don't have both your babies. Sending thoughts and prayers.

Heatherhah · September 2013

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet son Bennett. I love your daughter's name and your son's name. I hate to have to welcome you here but you are among friends. We are all here to help in any way you may need at all.

I have a good friend who lost one of her twins to anencephaly the other had no birth defects at all and is here wirh her. She has told me often that others who haven't lost babies told her all the time well at least you have your living baby. I think it is only people who haven't lost a baby to say something like that because you a grieving so much when you lose one baby but to lose a twin is a whole different thing. People think you are okay since you still have one living baby.

I get that now since I have my rainbow baby people think I am cured of losing my daughter well that isn't possible there is no cure for this. Huge hugs!!!

Heather

schulme2 · September 2013

I am so sorry for your loss of your swet Bennett. I am in a very similar situation. I had my twins at 25 weeks and after 2 days, we lost our sweet Mary. My son was in the NICU for 10.5 weeks and I definitely understand the struggle of trying to grieve while also trying to parent for the first time / deal with emotions of the NICU. It's such a strange situation as you have so much joy while so much pain at the same time and just too many emotions to process all together. We are 4 months out from our loss and I am here if you need to talk!

cawettig · September 2013

I am so sorry for your loss, you and your daughter is in my prayers. Your story reminds me of mine, I was pregnant with twins however my story is different. I lost my twin at 11 weeks and we found Arianna's omphalocele at 13 weeks. I lost Arianna at 38 weeks from complications with her omphalocele. She had underdeveloped lungs also with her heart eventually going into massive congestive heart failure at the last week from her large omphalocele pulling on her heart.
We are here for you always, it's hard finding others with omphaloceles so if you ever want to talk about it please don't hesitate.

Carolee · September 2013

I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious son. Welcome to the board. I hope you find it helpful and supportive.

Dixon813 · September 2013

I am so sorry for the loss of Bennett. Bennett and Berkeley are such beautiful names. As everyone has said, it sucks to welcome you to the board, but I hope you find some comfort here - these ladies are truly amazing.

I'll be keeping your family in my prayers...

shandorfml2 · September 2013

I am so sorry for your loss of baby Bennett. I still sleep with my daughter's blanket and it's been six months. It's a long hard journey, and I'm sorry to welcome you to the board.

shandorfml2 · September 2013

also, if you check out "Baby Boards" on facebook, she does a lot of baby boards dealing with one surviving twin and one in heaven. She does beautiful work

christie212 · September 2013

I am very sorry for the loss of your baby boy, Bennett. I agree that both names are beautiful. Everyone on here is threaded together because of loss, of course you are welcome.

Carolee · September 2013

@sgreen13 I know you are trying to be helpful, but please consider that this is a loss board and your siggy could be very hurtful to some who post here. Please consider removing your reply and using PM.

Bread09 · September 2013

I'm very late to this post, but I had twins and my little boy survived and my little girl died a day after birth. Our daughter was also born with a combo of rare complications including A serious heart defect. We thought she would survive but she had stopped growing a few weeks before birth and her complications were too great once she was born. She just was too sick to survive. Feel free to PM me or email me...bergck at hotmail . Com.

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