Would you wait?

[Deleted User] · September 2013

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BrideNamedMeg · September 2013

Umm...nope! If she wants to be team green then that's just how the cookie crumbles - I've had plenty of family members find out what they're having before me because we wait. You shouldn't have to wait to announce.

liamandlettie · September 2013

I would absolutely NOT wait. She chose to wait and she shouldn't get to chose for you to wait also. Sounds like a ridiculous request.

liamandlettie · September 2013

Tell her she can't announce her baby name until you announce what you are having. So dumb. She needs to focus on her own pregnancy.

ufsandra85 · September 2013

nope announce whenever you find out. it is her choice to wait and not tell anyone so that is her choice and you do what you want

YankeePeach08 · September 2013

how does your announcing steal any thunder (it isn't like announcing a PG on her EDD)? when in October is your A/S, I'm guessing it is likely a few weeks from her EDD and she may go late too.

With 4-6 weeks between your A/S and her EDD and thanksgiving the sex of yoru baby will be old news.

I wouldn't wait but it is awkward since she asked you to. It is just awkward to flat out refuse someone's request (even though it is ridiculous).

Andplusalso (:P) doesn't she think if you know but don't announce it will drive the family crazy with wanting to know? As soon as she gives birth family members are gonna be like "Cool, OK tall ash what are you having???" I"d rather have you get the news out way before I gave birth.

Good Luck!

[Deleted User] · September 2013

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BrideNamedMeg · September 2013

I have also never bought the "stealing thunder" nonsense. Every baby is exciting, just because someone else is also having a baby that doesn't take away from yours or theirs.

IMO, it was rude of her to even ask - it puts you in an uncomfortable spot. If you don't want to wait (and it sounds like you don't) I'd just say something like, "We are so excited to find out, I know I won't be able to wait even longer to share the news with our families" and leave it at that!

[Deleted User] · September 2013

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BrideNamedMeg · September 2013

TallAsh said:

I think part of the "stealing thunder" is bc she could potentially have the first boy grand baby. So if I find out I'm having a boy, suddenly her having one isn't as exciting, I guess. Or something like that.

She still gets to have the first one though, right? I just never understood that type of logic. I didn't have the first anything, both my sister and SIL had a boy and girl before I had my first...my kids aren't any less because of it.

mamamia866 · September 2013

She is still giving birth first. Whatevs, I would say hell no.

[Deleted User] · September 2013

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[Deleted User] · September 2013

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Butts31 · September 2013

She chose not to find out, you didn't. If you want to announce that's your choice not hers. I agree with PP, kind of rude for her to ask.

PerkyErky · September 2013

I wouldn't wait. If anything you waiting to tell and everyone knowing you know, will just shift the focus onto you when her baby is born. If you announce before, even if you do have a boy, hers will be the "first" since yours will still be cooking for several months. I sort of see where she is coming from (I guess), but it is weird and they made the decision to not find out before baby was born.

PerkyErky · September 2013

bearsbearsbears said:

PerkyErky said:

I wouldn't wait. If anything you waiting to tell and everyone knowing you know, will just shift the focus onto you when her baby is born. If you announce before, even if you do have a boy, hers will be the "first" since yours will still be cooking for several months. I sort of see where she is coming from (I guess), but it is weird and they made the decision to not find out before baby was born.

I get what you're saying here, but would you ever have the balls to say something like that to another pregnant woman??

Say "don't tell until after my baby is born" or say "I am not waiting"? I would never ask anyone to wait to tell that is for sure, as I see every pregnancy as completely different and unrelated. As for the not waiting, I might say something like "I understand what you are asking, but I know we won't be able to wait that long after finding out. I also think telling when we find out and not waiting, will actually be better since the focus will stay on your new baby once it arrives and not move to people wondering about my baby's sex."

I really don't know. It is a tough situation either way. I do get sort of where the SIL is coming from, but again, still think it is weird and not something I would every ask anyone or even occur to me to ask.

Shobb414 · September 2013

I agree I wouldn't wait either, just share your exciting news it was her choice to not find out.

memali26 · September 2013

I wouldn't wait. And I would be seriously bothered if her reasoning is the "first boy" thing. My brother and SIL were hell bent on having a boy and a girl was just not an option in their minds. They found out they were having a boy and announced it as if they'd found the holy grail and my parents should be thrilled they were finally getting a grandson after two granddaughters. I was pissed.

PinupMomma08 · September 2013

Agree with everyone. That comes with the territory of team green.

jwls84 · September 2013

No way! She choose to be team green and she is so close to finding out now that I don't see why she would even ask. The only way I would not tell is if she happened to go into labour the same day you found out.

[Deleted User] · September 2013

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angelsnight · September 2013

I wouldn't. It was her choice to be team green and it's your choice to reveal, and she'll just have to deal with it. Besides, that's a long time to keep it a secret from everyone....there is a good chance you'll let a he or she slip, especially if you and DH call the baby he/she at home. I'd be very angry if it slipped without getting to make the announcement.

Ricola · September 2013

Heck no! I would not wait. She can find out any time if she wants to announce first.

BrideNamedMeg · September 2013

Is this your brother's wife, husband's sister or husband's brother's wife?

[Deleted User] · September 2013

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BrideNamedMeg · September 2013

TallAsh said:

Husband's brother's wife.

Then I would have YH talk to his brother first and take it from there. Like I said before, I think it was rude to ask in the first place because now you're in an awkward spot when you should just be excited for finding out what your baby is!

[Deleted User] · September 2013

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fish8412 · September 2013

No, don't wait! That is her choice to not find out. She can't tell you what to do or not do.

bumpuser1282882 · September 2013

jenniemac2000 said:

I would absolutely NOT wait. She chose to wait and she shouldn't get to chose for you to wait also. Sounds like a ridiculous request.

THIS.

springbaby03 · September 2013

Its as if one of you is having the winning babu and the other will be 2nd place. Super bizzare do what you want. She chose team green!

crystaljoanna · September 2013

I would just tell her no. Of if you don't want the confrontation, just tell everyone and act like you didn't even get this ridiculous request. Put it on her to explain why you shouldn't announce the sex if she dares to bring it up.

Yenemous · September 2013

TallAsh said:

FarmBoysWife said:

TallAsh said:
I think part of the "stealing thunder" is bc she could potentially have the first boy grand baby.

So if I find out I'm having a boy, suddenly her having one isn't as exciting, I guess. Or something like that.
I'm not saying this to be snarky.. But we do not live in a culture where boys are more valueable than girls.. And she still would have the first "boy"
I 100% agree. But MH's family isn't up to date on that.

My girls are kick ass. I would love another girl. I take pride in the task of raising strong-willed women to send out in the world.

It makes me see red that someone in the family "finally" having a boy even matters.

Fuck that. I hope we both end up with girls.

This made me smile from ear to ear! I have a HUGE family full of girls and every single time someone gets ku, everyone hopes for a boy. It's so insane to me! Girls are awesome and I'd be thrilled to add another one to the herd.

avigailandcharlie · September 2013

Generic agreement with everyone else - ridiculous request. Her choice for team green, your choice to find out. Have fun sharing with everyone!!!!!

CruiseGirl28 · September 2013

Gah! My SIL (brother's wife) is due in December, and she has gone crazy like this as well. I'm pretty sure she's mad I'm pregnant because she isn't the only one.

Our pregnancy has nothing to do with their's, and we are not making any decisions about our pregnancy/baby based on what they're doing or what they want us to do.

lopezalonso · September 2013

I agree with PPs... do whatever you want. It was her choice to wait and she can't impose that on anyone.

cdnmomma · September 2013

I wouldn't wait. She is choosing to wait and trying to push her decision on you. Not cool. Announce when you want to announce. I don't get being so insecure that you fear someone else's news will take away from your own.

VineyardMel · September 2013

Definitely stick to your plan! It might be awkward now (shame on her!), but in the long run it will be NBD and your SIL will realize how ridiculous it is.

YankeePeach08 · September 2013

1. I think you need to have the convo with SIL, not your DH with his bro. She came and asked you and if you do not address it with her there will always be a little bit of awkwardness/elephant in the room.

2. I (and probably the whole board) think it was out of place for her to make this request but in the interest of minimizing hurt feelings within the family i think you probably shouldn't tell her she is BSC and not the pregnancy princess (I don't think you would be this extreme though).

You should probably try to coddle her just a bit if you are shooting down her request, again family and hurt feelings make things awkward.

3. if you tell her you are not going to keep it a secret try to spin it so that it benefits HER in the long run. For example...me and DH need to know for planning purposes (room situation, whatever) and you know that I can't keep a secret. I would rather tell family well in advance of your birth than have it slip out while you are in the delivery room. Also, after your baby is born and people know it's sex I want the focus to still be on you/ your new family...NOT family anxiously awaiting our reveal. Let's get my news out of the way for the family can focus you. pregnancy.

4. I think if you are matter of fact she will get it. If you are wishy washy and don't give a definite answer she may dwell on it and cause further problems.

Sorry you are in this situation, she may be upset for a while but I think after her LO is born she will forget all about it and maybe even realize that it was a silly request.

Arieltnc · September 2013

It is her'a and her husband's choice to be Team Green. You shouldn't have to hold your happy news because of their choices! The family will be just as excited for her when they find out what she has as when they find out what you're having. Not fair for her to have put you in that situation.

NorBar39 · September 2013

I personally think that is stupid-but if it is in law I would let your husband deal with it. You should still be able to tell your friends and family, and let your husband decide if he wants to wait or not. I am sure he will not want to wait and then the blame is off of you.

amberlynnr7 · September 2013

No....she didn't want to find out....that's her deal.

It will be just as much as a surprise to her and everyone else what her baby is even if people know what yours is....

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