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jak554
member
I think we need marriage counseling
jak554
member
Basically H and I were talking on his lunch about our disagreement last night. Long story short, I said I didn't understand why he hasn't been communicating with me since I was pregnant on anything, cause we went to pre-marriage counseling and built a strong relationship then it all went out the window. He said it was cause I dont show him I love him anymore. I've bent over backwards to make sure he still felt loved and done special things for him and I told this to him and his response was that since we stopped having sex, he stopped communicating cause that means I dont love him. WTH? We couldn't finish our conversation cause he had to get back to work, but I didn't expect him to think that. I told him real quick that I show my love and that sex isn't the only way to show it. I would expect a high school boy to give me that crap not the man I (thought) I married.
We said we wouldn't throw around the 'D' word and work on our problems, but we've had the same conversation too much and now I dont think anything I say is sinking in, so I think marriage counseling is what we need. Our pastor did our pre-marriage one and I think he still does marriage but I'll have to ask. This is upsetting me so much.
WDYT?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I think we need marriage counseling
**Nestie Besties with Deutschefairy**
Diagnosed PCOS '03, TTC #1 Since March '09
BFP - 10/20/10, M/C - 10/29/10
June 2011 - 50mg Clomid = No O
Dieted and exercised my butt off for PCOS = BFP 5/7/2012
Due 12/29/2012
@Holly
No, I've never heard of it but ill look into it.</>
No, just bc your husband does doesn't mean it's the majority. It's definitely odd and immature.
Maybe because I am a kind-hearted person, I am letting the OP know that she is not alone instead of trying to make her feel worse like you so often do.
Sure, men believe sex = love at some point... When they're boys. Immature, insecure, BOYS that think with their penis.
I think marriage counseling is a great idea. I personally don't think there is anything wrong with him saying " I feel MOST loved when we have sex more frequently " but he definitely should not be punishing you by withholding time together and talking to you. That is not right and not fair.
I also want to reiterate what others are saying about the book The Five Love Languages. We read the book when we were newlyweds and I think it really helped both of us to realize that we each show love and need love differently and that is ok.
I lost my libido after becoming pregnant because I was always nauseous and when I wasn't I was worried I would be with all that moving around.
After having the baby, My brain had a hard time shutting down on my "to-do" list, and wanting to get in some sleep instead of sex. There were times that I had to force myself to suck it up and do it. Once we started I got in the mood. I am still not near as much in the mood as I was pre baby.
All that said, my husband did not punish me for not having sex although I knew it did hurt his feelings/pride.
Ask him how many times he would need to do it to feel "loved"? just to get a ball park and compromise?
I think since it an issue that keeps coming up, it's smart to seek counseling. While I personally would not use any one related to my Church, if you feel like that's a good starting point, then do it.
I don't think it's immature at all. I think the way a man feels emotionally connected (and heck, probably plenty of women too) is through physical intimacy. I think if I was rejected from my spouse from a year I think it would not only have a huge blow on my ego but make me feel unattractive and unloved too.
I get the delivery wasn't terrific, but the underlying message was he doesnt want to bother because he's not getting the emotional connection he needs to feel loved and wanted. I think men commonly aren't that eloquent.