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drugs and jail

ambrvanambrvan member
in Blended Families
So SDs uncle is in jail for meth. I checked his record. He was arrested in December on 3 counts of forgery and 1 count "promotion of methamphetamine." He is serving 90 days jail time and 3 years probation, scheduled to be released in November.

I'll call him A. A was living in his parents home when ask this happened. The same home where SD has "supervised" overnight visits EOWend with BM.

You all know how feed up we are with our attorney at nut calling us back, so I'm coming here first. And I've stewed on this a couple of weeks to think.

Emotions aside, what do you think we should do? Just keep it in our pocket for the next time we go to court (I'm sure it's a when and not an if)? Talk to our lawyer about sending an official letter of warning about his presence in the household in the future? What?

I mean, yes this is a big deal considering BM's history of forgery(convicted) and drugs(not yet caught up to her), but honestly, I don't see how making an issue of this now is going to help us. But you know it makes my blood boil.

And yes, SD knows he is in jail for drugs. BM told her. And I asked her is she had ever seen anyone giving them selves shots or smoking something that didn't look like a normal cigarette or taking medicine at all. She says no. I asked if she ever went into A's room , and she said no, but she did say that BM stays out there now that he is gone (it's separate from the house). I reminded SD as gently as possible that it is against the rules for her to go out there and that she has to stay with her grandmother when she visits. Even if BM wants her to come out there, her GM has to go with her if she goes. I hate putting that on her, but I feel I have to teach her some skills to protect herself.
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Re: drugs and jail

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    KTdiditKTdidit member
    Wow what a horrible situation, and for you SD to know exactly what's going on....so sad. I have no idea what to do about the uncle. If it's possible to send a letter stipulating that SD cannot be in the presence of the uncle, I'd do it. But I don't see how you could tie his conviction to BM's and do anything in your favor with it.
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    sweetie0228sweetie0228 member
    Wouldn't it be in violation of his and/or her probations to be in contact with known criminals?
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    +just+j++just+j+ member

    I had it written into my CO that DD could not be alone unsupervised with XH's mom, XSD, XSS, his brothers and his uncle - because of their drug use, felonies and behavior.  XSD is the only one who strictly because of behavior.

    My lawyer stated that the judge may kick it out, but he may leave it in with issues that have been seen lately.  They left it. 

    Can I control it?  It will be very hard to obviously, but it's in there and XH is very aware of it.  Just having him aware of it and knowing I'll go bat shit crazy if I find out DD is ever alone with these people will do wonders. XH doesn't want problems he knows I will make for him if he violates this very portion of the CO.

    I would not mention anything to any of them, but before the uncle is out, I would request the very same thing of him and anyone else you are concerned about. If you are fearful of that home - CHANGE THE LOCATION and structure of the visitation. If you have just cause and reason to believe he will return there - then make your case and hopefully a judge will agree.

    Don't screw around with this one. She's already pre-disposed with her mother being an addict.  Do what you can to restrict her exposure.

    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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    ambrvanambrvan member
    We can't change change the location. This was the ONLY way the judge would agree to suoervised visitation. He said if BM would agree to these terms he would allow it.

    Would an the uncle's conviction possibly change this? I know there is someone else on this board who talked about the SF being in jail, I think we pretty much all agreed that a judge probably would not see that as grounds for any changes. I am thinking this is also a similar situation. Despite what you and I and everyone else knows... Legally, just because her brother is doing drugs doesn't mean that BM is putting SD at risk.

    I doubt BM would be willing to agree to modify the CO about known drug users/uncle/etc. Convicted criminals would include herself (but for drugs yet, but several counts of shoplifting and forgery). For that matter, I have to be honest. If we were going to play that game that would exclude my dad from her life also. He never used drugs, but he is an imprisoned felon.
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    sweetie0228sweetie0228 member

    I meant, convicted criminals can't have contact with each other usually as per terms of their probation.  So if the uncle is on probation he can't have contact with BM and if the BM is on probation she can't have contact w/ uncle or else they have violated the terms of their indivual probation and sent back to prison.  Therefore, the BM and the Uncle can't live on the same property, or visit with each other, without violating their probations.

    AND if I had a child I knew had to go to a visitation where I knew probations were being violated I might make mention of the violention to the parole officer or overseer.

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    ambrvanambrvan member
    Well he is not on probation yet. He is currently incarcerated. And BM's convictions were misdemeanors. Does that make a difference? I have never heard of not being able to associate with criminals if they are family if your on probation. Not in TN.
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    +just+j++just+j+ member

    YES.  If someone living in the home is a convicted felon, yes, it most certainly could change it.  Your lawyer will have to advise you, and maybe it can't happen until he's actually living there,  and if you suggested another, reasonable location - then yes.  I'd be surprised if it's not at least considered. 

     

    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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    ambrvanambrvan member
    What if they deny he lives there? I'm just asking because I know they will. Just as grandmother denied BM was in jail the last time she was and tried to pick SD up like usual and lie and say BM was meeting them at church. They are a bunch of manipulative conniving heifers. they have also lied for BM multiple times about her address when her living conditions were being inspected.

    There ready is just no way for us prove anything. Our enforce it if we change anything.
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    +just+j++just+j+ member

    Hire someone to video tape him. 

    Talk to your lawyer. Is he telling you it's hopeless?  I'd get the advice of a couple of other lawyers before giving up.

    Drug users and their enablers stick together pretty tight.  Try to find a lawyer who's willing to fight the good fight to protect your child. 

     

    Good luck.

    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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    ambrvanambrvan member
    It's just very discouraging sometimes, you know. We'll see what we can do. I haven't even had a chance to talk to DH about it, I have a feeling he is still with it from the last outcome. He may not even want to talk about it.
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    IlumineIlumine member

    ambrvan said:
    What if they deny he lives there? I'm just asking because I know they will. Just as grandmother denied BM was in jail the last time she was and tried to pick SD up like usual and lie and say BM was meeting them at church. They are a bunch of manipulative conniving heifers. they have also lied for BM multiple times about her address when her living conditions were being inspected. There ready is just no way for us prove anything. Our enforce it if we change anything.
    They cannot lie about the fact that he was living on their property while distributing the meth can they?  And he will most definitely have to have a residence while under probation, since he will have to check in with his Probation Officer weekly, no?  

    If it were me, and my judge wanted to be an ass and put my child into a home where his/her mother and uncle were enabled to become criminals by my child's grandmother, I would do everything I could to show the judge just how crappy his decision was.  

    So I would look at asking some friends to do some drive bys to get pictures of Uncle, especially when BM had visitation. 
    file:///Users/Ilumine/Desktop/Family%20Portrait%20for%20gift.jpg
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    ambrvanambrvan member
    Good idea. We may just have to do this when the time comes.
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