Posting Baby Pictures on FB and MIL Dilemma

mynewbug · September 2013

Today I am at 41 weeks!! We are due for induction on Monday night. One thing I have been thinking about has been how much and what to post on FB regarding our baby. <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

I am feeling protective and also I don’t want to turn it into ‘Babybook’. To this point, I haven’t decided when and what pictures I will be posting pictures of our baby. I don’t want my MIL posting any pictures of our child before I have a chance to know what she is posting. I have my own boundaries set up and I know what I am comfortable with posting, but I'm a bit anxious about my MIL posting our baby's pictures all over FB. I don't post a lot of personal stuff on there, but she has no boundaries. She puts up all sorts of personal pictures and makes very personal comments. I intend on mentioning it to her, but she tends to take things very personally and it gets weird even when it is brought up gently. Oh well…

For example, my husband texted her a picture of our baby's nursery with hand painted letters of our baby's name my MIL made. She immediately posted it on FB. This is no problem for me, except people (from her new husband’s side of the family) commented with comments like "who is that?" after she said it was her granddaughter's name. Then she started saying this is 'another' grandchild and talking about all the drama surrounding her first grandchild. I don't like the drama because honestly it makes it seem like the birth of our baby isn't special to her. I know that probably isn’t a realistic viewpoint, but she really isn’t aware of how she comes off sometimes with her comments. I would have thought she would have focused more on the really great letters she painted and the excitement of her new granddaughter to come.

I have discussed this with my husband and he seems alright with her posting pictures of our baby on FB. This surprises me because he doesn’t have an active FB account and he has been leery of online postings and privacy.

I intend on editing what she gets to have digitally of our child, but I cannot control what pictures she posts on her FB page.

Has anyone else thought about how much and what pictures you will be posting on FB?

Thanks!

Unknown · September 2013

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Shaunamae87 · September 2013

I ran into a similar issue with my cousin after my shower. She posted several un flattering photos of me on fb without asking me first so I just asked her directly to please remove them. It was awkward but I'm glad it's taken care of. After that I set to review before anything gets posted to my timeline. As far as what other people post on their fb I guess you will just have to ask not to post anything of you and your family with out asking because it makes you feel uncomfortable. That and you'll also just have to be carful of what photos you send her.

mynewbug · September 2013

SweetC80 said:

We have not, and will not, post any pictures or information about DD on FB. We have told our friends and family our feelings on it and everybody respects our wishes.

I think that's great!!! I have a feeling in my gut that my MIL will do whatever she wants to do.

mynewbug · September 2013

Shaunamae87 said:

I ran into a similar issue with my cousin after my shower. She posted several un flattering photos of me on fb without asking me first so I just asked her directly to please remove them. It was awkward but I'm glad it's taken care of. After that I set to review before anything gets posted to my timeline. As far as what other people post on their fb I guess you will just have to ask not to post anything of you and your family with out asking because it makes you feel uncomfortable. That and you'll also just have to be carful of what photos you send her.

Agreed, with every photo I send I'm going to be thinking that it could end up on FB. I'm sorry you had to deal with the baby shower issue. I also agree with (and have) updating settings to monitor timeline activity and tagging posts. I've also thought about ending my FB account, but I don't like the idea of my MIL having the

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of posting our daughter's pics.

missmisswilliams · September 2013

I started a private "group" on FB just for close family members. That way I can post tons of photos and updates for far away family to see without anyone else on my feed seeing it.

Curls218 · September 2013

I told my family not to post anything when DS was born. The only person who took it hard was my dad because we waited a week before posting about his birth and my dad was so excited he wanted to post his own picture and announcement. He did wait, however.

[Deleted User] · September 2013

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raguggenmos · September 2013

Oh my gosh, I feel like I'm reading a post I would have written myself! My baby was born 7 weeks premature so that convo my husband was supposed to have with his mother didn't happen. I don't mind posting a few things but I don't need the whole world to watch our daughter grow up. Anyway she posts whatever info or pics she can get -- in otherwords any picture we post she shares, she steals pictures off my blog, she takes pictures of pictures to post. It's so annoying! And it's left me in a really weird place because I never want to fill her in or send her pictures. I feel sad and guilty about it. My husband doesn't think fb posting is a big deal but respects where I'm coming from. At some point soon we are going to have to talk to her and we've discussed it will probably go down like this "we hadn't had a conversation with you yet but we will be limiting the amount of pictures of our daughter on the internet. You can post something occasionally but we don't want everything out there." She can be sensitive so we will see how this all goes down. Best of luck to you. I know these situations can be tricky!

Dee2588 · September 2013

We didn't want pictures of our baby at all on FB so we made it very clear to our families that we didn't want any posting on baby. People responded well and no pictures were posted. My mother in law is the same way but she took it well and respected our decisions.

HBirdie · September 2013

Hmm, this is a really tricky issue. Seems like the easiest way to handle it is to come down fully on one side or the other- either she can post what she wants, or she can't post anything regarding your LO. I can't imagine trying to worry about what she's posting constantly and wanting to edit everything she says. That'll just drive you nuts.

That being said, I'm worried about this issue, too. Not so much after the baby is born, but mostly just when we're in the hospital/right when baby comes. I definitely want to be the one to announce it on FB to my friends, and I really don't want people to know I'm in the hospital. But the way my in-laws and some of my family members are, they'll want to tag themselves and "check in" at the hospital and give hourly updates. No. And if someone posts a picture of my baby or announces his/her name before I get to, I will seriously scream. I'm going to make that clear to everyone, though, and I think they'll respect my wishes. I'm also going to do as PPs have suggested and edit my settings so that no one can tag me in a photo or post without my consent.

HBirdie · September 2013

Shaunamae87 said:

I ran into a similar issue with my cousin after my shower. She posted several un flattering photos of me on fb without asking me first so I just asked her directly to please remove them. It was awkward but I'm glad it's taken care of. After that I set to review before anything gets posted to my timeline. As far as what other people post on their fb I guess you will just have to ask not to post anything of you and your family with out asking because it makes you feel uncomfortable. That and you'll also just have to be carful of what photos you send her.

This happened after my shower, too. I had a lot of issues with my friend that co-hosted my shower, but one of my biggest problems was that she took pictures of herself and literally every guest at the party. So her album of my shower is just a bunch of photos of her. There are exactly two pictures with me in them, and one is the pic she insisted on taking right when she got there, three hours before the shower started, before I'm dressed and my hair is done. So I'm literally wearing a tank top and sports bra and I'm a mess (because I was helping set up and didn't want to get all sweaty in my cute dress). I told her I wasn't ready to take a photo yet and she insisted anyway, then said she swore it wouldn't go on Facebook... she literally added it from her phone within an hour (before the party even started) and tagged me. I was so irritated. She never took it down, but I did untag myself. Rude.

Mtrahan25 · September 2013

SweetC80 said:
We have not, and will not, post any pictures or information about DD on FB. We have told our friends and family our feelings on it and everybody respects our wishes.

Same here. We said no pics on Facebook & so far everyone has followed our wishes.

mynewbug · September 2013

Thanks everyone for the great advice. I needed to vent about this issue. It is very tricky dealing with the in-laws. I just don't want any added stress added to a happy and new time in my life and my husband's life.

>-

mynewbug · September 2013

MrsMooney said:

missmisswilliams said:
I started a private "group" on FB just for close family members. That way I can post tons of photos and updates for far away family to see without anyone else on my feed seeing it.
We did the same thing! For my family, we are all spread across the west coast, FB is a way of keeping up with each other and all of the kids. I post pics of the girls there and my siblings post pictures of their families there too!

Maybe you could set one up and ask MiL to just post there, that way only specific selected family member or friends coulda see? Would she go for that?

I do like this idea! I don't know if she would go for it, but it is worth a try.

krose0713 · September 2013

We set up a photobucket album, and shared a link to it in Facebook. We made it password protected with a password only people close to us would know. We also let all friends and family know they should not post any pictures, they can send them to us and we will put them in the album. Everyone has been very respectful so far!

msronzio · September 2013

missmisswilliams said:

I started a private "group" on FB just for close family members. That way I can post tons of photos and updates for far away family to see without anyone else on my feed seeing it.

omg good idea award goes to you! thanks for this

msronzio · September 2013

HBirdie said:

Shaunamae87 said:

I ran into a similar issue with my cousin after my shower. She posted several un flattering photos of me on fb without asking me first so I just asked her directly to please remove them. It was awkward but I'm glad it's taken care of. After that I set to review before anything gets posted to my timeline. As far as what other people post on their fb I guess you will just have to ask not to post anything of you and your family with out asking because it makes you feel uncomfortable. That and you'll also just have to be carful of what photos you send her.

This happened after my shower, too. I had a lot of issues with my friend that co-hosted my shower, but one of my biggest problems was that she took pictures of herself and literally every guest at the party. So her album of my shower is just a bunch of photos of her. There are exactly two pictures with me in them, and one is the pic she insisted on taking right when she got there, three hours before the shower started, before I'm dressed and my hair is done. So I'm literally wearing a tank top and sports bra and I'm a mess (because I was helping set up and didn't want to get all sweaty in my cute dress). I told her I wasn't ready to take a photo yet and she insisted anyway, then said she swore it wouldn't go on Facebook... she literally added it from her phone within an hour (before the party even started) and tagged me. I was so irritated. She never took it down, but I did untag myself. Rude.

Dislike button! For real though. Someone else other than you had to have noticed this..

coraggiosa · September 2013

I only posted one picture of DD on Facebook, which was when I announced her birth. The picture was not a close one of her face, which made me more comfortable with posting it. I will not post anymore pictures of her on Facebook, as Facebook can do whatever it wants with your pictures.

I basically told everyone that no one was allowed to post pictures of DD on Facebook. They are free to send them by email, but Facebook is a big no-no. If they can't respect that, then they don't get to take pictures of her.

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