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how do you feel about this?

Katy12143Katy12143 member
in Single Parents
so my BD is not in my sons life and now after 9 months he wants to see him one day and take him when hes never had him alone. i said no is that wrong? i dont think its fair that he wants to come into his life whenever. and he didnt sign birth certificate so not much he can do right?!? unless he wants to take me to court but i dont think he cares too much!
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Re: how do you feel about this?

  • Monkeybird84Monkeybird84 member
    No, you're not wrong to protect your son. If BD wants to see your DS, he can do so supervised and on your terms. If he didn't sign the birth certificate and hasn't acknowledged paternity, then he has no rights and as far as the court is concerned you are the only parent. If you have a CO for CS, check the laws in your state; he may or may not have rights in that instance. In my state established paternity means that without a court order detailing custody and visitation, the father can disappear with the kid and there's nothing the mother can do about it.
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  • jersangljersangl member
    Why don't u start visits once a week with you present. Say you can meet somewhere once a week together and do something. Tell him trust needs to be gained with him and ur son.
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  • Katy12143Katy12143 member
    Thank you ladies!! my son goes to day care 3 days a week and he pays  50$ of it. but now since i wont let him see my son he wont give it to me and says we dont even know who the father is! how can you be so rude he looks just like him!! i said once he signs birth certificate and states he is the father and shows he can care & take care of my son then he could see him. but i bet he wont sign it... who knows. he said he doesnt have to give me any money but if i take him to court to get child support he will want visitation and i dont want that eitther its not fair he partyed 9 months when i took care of my son!!
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  • jersangljersangl member
    Screw 50 dollars not worth it
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  • pregokatpregokat member
    I don't think that's wrong at all! 

    My son is also 9 months old, his dad has never even met him or contact me or anything.. 

    IF he was to contact me and ask for a visit or anything.. Sure as hell I'd tell him "No, if you want custody/visitation/anything, you can file through the courts and go through the process to PROVE it! " 
    We don't need someone coming in and out of our lives at their own whim

    Girl, I advise to go file for child support, don't let him threaten you with responsibility! IF he was gonna be responsible and visit with his child, he'd be doing it already... Going to court and filing for child support isn't going to change that! 
    how dumb does that sound "if you file for child support, i'm going to file for custody or visitation"... thats like saying "if you try to make me be responsible, I'm going to automatically make the courts obligate me to be even MORE responsible than you want!" how dare him! lol 
    don't fall for his threats. He's just trying to make you scared of having the courts hold him responsible for creating a child and bouncing out... don't succumb to his lies.. 
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  • EarthandFireEarthandFire member
    @Pregokat - My GD did what you're talking about. He's dangerous. Still is and I haven't seen him for almost a decade. He has a sugar mama so yes if I go for CS he will take me to court for visitation. Couple grand in court costs is less than the years of CS he'd have to pay. I would only get the state minimum because he's unemployed and hasn't been for a long time. It's not worth it. I dropped the case and he went away. He didn't pay it when I had a temp CO anyway. I say this because in my case abuse is a factor. I agree with your thinking but some threats aren't idle. My GD knew the threat he posed was enough to get me to back off and honestly even without CS I know I came out on top. My situation isn't common but a GD is going to get visitation if he's willing to go to court and you have to weigh that in.

    To the OP I agree, circumstances are in your favor. Your GD unlike mine did not sign your birth certificate. You can go for CS BUT they will establish paternity and that gives your GD rights. Currently he has none and you can do whatever you want. The trade off is you aren't going to get CS. I wish I was in your position. I could tell GD to shove off and not worry about his deciding one day to butt into LO's life after years of not being around and there be nothing I can do about it. Once paternity is established, you can't go back. If I were you I'd tell him no and be done. No texts, no emails, no contact. Keep copies of everything but don't reply. He knows what he has to do and if he's serious about being a father he will. Just move on with DS and take care of your needs.
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  • inthelostinthelost member
    No you're not in the wrong at all. You're doing what's best for your child. Suggest a supervised visit, or tell him to go through the court.
    Liliana Seraphina born 9/5/2103


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