TTC After a Loss

AW: I came out to my friends!

I just want to share this and hope it gives others courage, too.

So, our very close group of friends know about my miscarriages and difficulty that we've been having. We see them often and it would have been difficult (and unnecessary) to hid what's been going on with us. I have another group of 3 girlfriends that I haven't seen in over a year. Their husbands are friends with MH and we've been spread out over the country. We periodically send group messages to see how everyone is doing and I previously decided to not share about the pregnancy or m/c. I don't know why I held back, they're not insensitive (social worker, cardiac rehab, and getting Masters in School Psych), they're not really going to gossip about it, and they're pretty wonderful women. I guess I was just scared and didn't want to feel vulnerable to them, even though we rarely get to see each other.

Well, I finally broke down and told them that I was starting fertility meds, that we've been trying for quite awhile, had 2 miscarriages, and had surgery on my ute. Phew, what a relief! I was so nervous and sweaty to finally hit send, but I did it! And, of course, the responses were very kind and very similar to the words we say to each other here. It made me cry reading the messages and I realize that being open about your struggles is ok. We might get some insensitive comments, but we shouldn't have to feel like we're alone and can't talk about it. Now, I'm crying while typing this because it feels so freeing to open up.


**Pregnancy/baby mentioned**
What set me off is that of the three of them, one is pregnant, one has a 9 month old, and the third just announced that they might be starting TTC. In every group of messages, we always talk about the pregnancy and the baby and it's hard sometimes to read even though I'm happy for them. I knew that I would freak out if the one who just announced TTC got KU right away. I knew I just had to tell them what was going on.

**End**

image
Multiple TTCAL 1image
image
 TTC #1 since March 2011 
BFP #1: EDD 4/16/13~~blighted ovum w/ 2 gestational sacs~~Loss on 9/18/12
BFP #2: EDD 9/3/13~~Slow HB at 1st U/S~~MMC -Loss on 2/13/13
9/13, 10/13, 1/14: letrozole + trigger + TI = All BFNs
3/14: IUI#1 letrozole/Bravelle/Menopur + trigger = BFN
BFP #3: EDD 1/27/15 Please be our rainbow! ...Team Green


Re: AW: I came out to my friends!

  • snegde said:
    Proud of you!!!
    Ditto!  I hope they can continue to be a source of support for you!
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers

    Daisypath Anniversary tickersLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers    
      *All AL Welcome*    imageimage

  • Loading the player...
  • ((((((( hugs ))))))) that's a huge step.
  • That's awesome!  So glad you were able to share with your friends and that they immediately offered their support.  

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

     BFP 1/23/13; US 1/28/13 Perfect Peanut @ 7w! So in love!; 2/23/13 Peanut Says Goodbye; 2/24/13 Natural MC at 11w

    BFP #2: 10/5/2013; EDD 6/11/2014

     

    image  image  image   image

    The Fruit        The Countdown       My Chart    

  • I'm glad you were able to do that and received support from them.


    BFP #1 ended in MMC. Discovered Oct 2005 @10w5d, baby stopped growing around 6w. D&C.
    BFP#2 Nov 2005. Baby's heart stopped @ 8w3d. D&C Jan 2006. Trisomy 18
    BFP#3 Nov 2006. My "miracle baby" DD born 7/25/07
    BFP #4 11/6/12. EDD 7/16/13~my birthday! No sac found @ 5w1d, betas not increasing. Natural m/c started 11/20/12.

    BFP#5 11/9/13.  EDD 7/21/14  Our beautiful rainbow born on his due date!!

  • I am so proud of you (((hugs)))

    The day the Bump died - Jasper is wise
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • I'm so glad you were able to share with your friends, and you received immediate support in return. Proud of you!

    BFP #1 - 7/24/2013 (EDD: 3/31/2014) - mmc 8/12/13 - D&C 8/15/2013

    BFP #2 - 3/6/2014 (EDD 11/14/2014) - Beta #1 (17dpo): 1400 - Beta #2 (19dpo): 3170

    PGAL/PAL Welcome | My FF Chart  

    image

     

  • Yay!  Great step you took.  Glad your friends are there for you.  :)

    BFP#1 4/17/2013 EDD 12/25/2013, MC 5/17/2013 8 weeks 3 days D&C 5/18/2013

    BFP#2 1/20/2014 EDD 9/28/2014, Baby Evie born on 9/23/2014 at 8:50pm.  6 lbs 15 oz!

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

  • meagpt22 said:

    Glad you were able to do that!
    I've started to feel the same way like why do we have to hide it? If we're friends with ppl they should know just like any other lose or medical issues you'd share with them but why is this topic so hush hush.

    Exactly this. I have kept mine quiet as well and only very close friends and family know. I think I've kept mine quiet because I want to eliminate comments and when it happened I was so emotional I didn't want to re-hash the whole story. Maybe later in life if someone seeks support from me then I can share my experience.
    ________________________________________

    ~EDD 03/10/14 ~ MMC 08/20/13 ~
         (discovered @ 11 weeks. Poppy measured 7 weeks)
     ~Married August 27, 2011~

    k: My Ovulation Chart

    ~All Welcome~
    TTCAL February siggy challenge: Olympic Fails:
    image


    photo a1-daffodil-wallpaper-hd-2.jpg






  • That's wonderful that you were able to share this with them! I am in awe of your bravery as I am too chicken to tell anyone besides my 2 close girlfriends.


     
     
     
     
  • Thanks, ladies! Such a feeling of relief. Now, I feel like I have more courage to share if it comes up with other people. Now, if I'm on the fence about sharing, I'm just going to do it. You'd be surprised by some people with their responses. My mom had told my grandma and she went on to say some very uncharacteristic things (in a good way).
    Multiple TTCAL 1image
    image
     TTC #1 since March 2011 
    BFP #1: EDD 4/16/13~~blighted ovum w/ 2 gestational sacs~~Loss on 9/18/12
    BFP #2: EDD 9/3/13~~Slow HB at 1st U/S~~MMC -Loss on 2/13/13
    9/13, 10/13, 1/14: letrozole + trigger + TI = All BFNs
    3/14: IUI#1 letrozole/Bravelle/Menopur + trigger = BFN
    BFP #3: EDD 1/27/15 Please be our rainbow! ...Team Green


  • I'm so proud of you.  That is such a huge step & I'm so glad that they had such a great response.  You have some great friends!
    Married the love of my life June 18, 2011 -- Me (28) DH (29)
    TTC #1 since June 2012
    BFP #1 6.29.12 EDD 3.12.13 MMC discovered 8.11.12 9w5d D&C 8.15.12
    BFP #2 11.2.12 EDD 7.14.13 MMC 6w5d discovered 8w6d 2 failed rounds miso D&C 12.27.12
    BFP #3 8.5.13 EDD 4.18.14 MMC 7w4d discovered 9.25.13 at 10w6d -Trisomy 13- 1 round miso & emergency D&C 10.2.13
    RPL Testing. DX Asherman's November 2013. Low AMH (0.44) January 2014. 
    Operative Hysteroscopy January 2014 to remove scar tissue.
    BFP#4 6.18.14 EDD 3.3.15 Team Pink
    --AL always welcome--
        image  
  • I'm glad you found the courage to open up to your friends. I think it's wonderful to have a dialogue with people. It's so often thought of as something not descent to discuss. Like it should only be a private matter. 

    I'm glad you were able to open up to them. I know the decision was not easy and did not come lightly.  ((hugs)) love! 

          THE DARK SIDE IT IS

     and GBCB

    image    


    BFP 8/2/12 EDD 4/9/13 Addie was delivered 1/4/13 at 26 weeks due to Eclampsia  

    BFP 9/15/14 EDD 5/28/15 Please be our R A I N B O W take home baby BOY
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    imageimageimageimage
    ~All AL always welcome~

     

     


  • Such a big step, congrats to you for being brave enough to share! (((Hugs)))

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic   image  image

    TTC #1 since January 2013

    BFP #1: April 5, 2013; EDD December 11, 2013; Missed M/C May 15, 2013

    BFP #2: February 17, 2014; EDD October 30, 2014; M/C March 15, 2014

    BFP #3: August 1, 2014; EDD April 14, 2015 - Praying for our RAINBOW!

    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • Very proud!!! I found that telling the first group of people (who didn't know that I was pregnant to begin with) was liberating! Like I wasn't keeping this secret anymore. And everybody has been incredibly supportive. I'm so glad you had a positive experience!!

    BFP #1: 3/23/13, EDD: 11/22/13, MC: 4/2/13
    Convinced it was a boy and missing him every day!
    BFP #2: 10/25/13, EDD: 7/3/14, Grow baby Grow! Anabelle Rose born 6/6/14 

    image     image

    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers Image and video hosting by TinyPic August Siggy Challenge: If Babies Could Talk
  • You should be so proud of yourself!!

    What a big step! 

    ((HUGS))
    "The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart." ~ Helen Keller

    MAY '15 DEC. SIGGY CHALLENGE- FAV. CHRISTMAS MOVIE

    image


    Dating- 3/1/1999 ~ Married- 10/10/2004
    DD#1- Sweet Pea ~ Born on her Due Date 3/1/2007
    DD#2- Pumpkin ~ Due 9/29/2010 Arrived 10/1/2010

    ~ BFP: 6/12/2013 EDD: 2/21/2014 NT Scan: 8/5/2013 (11w3d) MMC D&C: 8/8/2013 ~

    ~BFP: 3/15/2014 EDD: 11/24/2014 CP 4 weeks 4 days ~

    ~BFP: 7/2/2014 EDD: 3/15/2015 CP 4 weeks ~

    ~BFP: 8/31/2014 EDD: 5/10/2015

    BabyFruit Ticker

                    

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickersimageimage
    *All are Welcome*

  • This content has been removed.
  • I'm so glad you were able to reach out to your friends and get supportive responses. You deserve that. 
  • I'm glad you were able to do that.  It can be so liberating!


    image

    BFP #1 : 3/20/13 | EDD: 12/1/13 | MC: 4/15/13 

    BFP #2: 1/9/14 | EDD: 9/21/14  

    Welcomed our rainbow bear on 8/31/14

    My Chart | All are Welcome

  • Very proud of you. It was very brave to do

    TTC since April 2012

    BFP #1, 10/03/2012 - EDD 6/15/2013 - MMC 11/15/2012 - D&C 01/04/2013

    BFP #2, 04/06/2013 - EDD 12/17/2013 - MC 04/19/2013

    6/12/2013 Diagnosed with Balanced Translocation (12 & 16)

    IVF #1 with PGS: 10/2013: Canceled 9/27/2013 for issues with genetic lab

    IVF #1.5 with PGS: 11/16/2013: Canceled. 11 eggs retrieved, 9 mature & 9 fertilized, all unhealthy embryos

    IVF #2: 1/22/14: Canceled. 16 eggs retrieved, 14 mature, 7 fertilized, all unhealthy embryos

    IVF #3 with PGS: 5/10/2014: Switched to FET in July. 10 eggs retrieved, 9 mature, 8 fertilized, 2 healthy embryos!

    FET #1: 7/31/2014: Transferred 2 nearly perfect (6AA, 6BA) healthy embryos- BFFN

    Laproscopy: 10/2014: Healthy uterus

    IVF #4: 12/8/2014: Canceled. 17 eggs retrieved, 15 mature, 10 fertilized, all unhealthy embryos



    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    image

    Everyone welcome on my posts






  • So proud of you. Every time I tell someone I feel a little lighter. 

    "It's, not, where you are, it's where you're going,
    And it's, not, about the things you've done, it's what you're doing, now"

    TTC Journey Began 8/12
    BFP #1 11/9/12, MMC/D&C 12/21/12 @ 9w2d, EDD 7/24/13
    SAs: 2%-3% Morph - RE Official Diagnosis
    Unexplained
     BFN = IUI #1 (Clomid) | IUI #2 (Letrozole) 
    BFP #2 4/19/14 = IUI #3 (Letrozole)
    Expecting Our Elf 12/27/14
    ~All Welcome~

  • Very brave indeed. Way to go girl!

    TTC Our Rainbow Since May 2011

    BFP#1 9/9/12 -- EDD 5/14/13 -- MMC 10/10/12 Miso 10/19/12

    BFP #2 9/17/13 -- EDD 5/25/14-- CP confirmed 9/21/13
     BFP #3
    2/1/14 -- EDD 10/5/14 -- NMC 2/10/14

    Dx: low progesterone & mild hypothyroidism

    My Chart

    4e41feae2813d8779361f4b4a13b4b 1

    image

    ~*~All AL Welcome~*~


  • That is awesome. Way to go! I bet you feel so relieved.

    imageimageimage


    TTC #1 since Sept 2011
    BFP#1 1/31/12. Empty sac discovered 3/5/12. MTX due to location in uterine horn.
    BFP#2 2/27/13. Empty sac confirmed 3/20/13. Mifepristone + Cytotec.
    Operative hysteroscopy to remove septum 9/18/13.
    BFP #3 12/24/13. Natural m/c 1/17/14.
    BFP #4 3/20/14. Natural m/c 4/3/14.

    Blog   Chart

    Formerly known as MrsE07
    PgAL/PAL Welcome

  • You were very brave to tell them and I'm glad that you got such a positive response!  It's certainly not going to be easy to be a part of the pregnancy talk, but I hope that your friends will recognize this and understand if you have to put a bit of distance in when that talk starts.  Take care of yourself, and I'm glad that you have such wonderful friends to support you all the way!  ((HUGS))
    TTC #3 since 8/2012 image
    DX Endometriosis 2/2002 (lost left tube due to a cyst), PCOS
    6/2010
     BFP - 10/18/2012, EDD - 6/26/2013, Baby Girl lost at 22 weeks (T21), D&E 2/15/2013
    BFP - 4/23/2014, EDD - 1/2/2015 Twin Boys lost at 12 weeks, M/C 6/25/2014

    My chart here  All ALers welcome!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickersLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    June 3Missing Our January Snowflake
  • I think it's great that you opened up to your friends, and I'm glad that they responded well and can now be more sensitive to you in the future.  (((HUGS)))

    image
    image
    My Ovulation Chart
    TTC since March 2012 
    BFP #1 1/29/13, EDD 10/9/13 
    MMC discovered at 10 weeks (baby measured 9 weeks) D&C on 3/16/13 
    BFP #2  CP on 3/31/14
    BFP #3  8/11/14  EDD 4/22/14
  • Nice work!  

    A coworker came in to my office the other day to make sure that I was alright (had been taking days off and going to doctor's) and I just blurted out, I had a miscarriage last month.  Other than my boss I hadn't told anyone at work, and it actually felt freeing when I said it.  I don't necessarily need to open up to everyone but this woman is a friend, I did have a miscarriage, and it was nice to just talk about it openly.  Guess what?  She had experienced one too many years ago. 


    ----
    *I am no longer regularly posting on TB because of the fucked up debacle of Jan 2015 when administrators banned long-term members and mods with no notice and completely dismantled a community full of women who cared about each other.  If you see me posting it's only to give support to a poster who needs it or to post something important enough that I need to say.  I am no longer responding to  anything other than issues that affect people who I care about*
    37 years old, MH is 42
    TTC since 2010; Dx Unexplained Infertility; possible male factor 
    August 2012 through June 2013:  6 IUIs with clomid and trigger shot, all BFNs
    7/2013, Pregnant! Unmedicated--we were on a treatment break
    8/20/13 no heart beat; 8/23/13 d&c
    3/15/14 IVF #1:  Lupron/Follistim/Menopur; ER 3/10 resulting in four transfer grade blastocysts, transferred one pretty blast and froze the remaining three. BFN. 
    Natural FET in May cancelled because the universe hates me my hormones were not cooperating.
    6/24/14 FET #1: transferred two pretty embryos; BFN   
    8/28/14 FET #2: BFP, ended in Chemical pregnancy

    Done with medical intervention and getting used to the idea of CFNBC.  




    All welcome
  • I just did the same thing with some of my husband's college buddies wives. We get together frequently, but they did not know about the pregnancy.  One of them has recently had a baby, and I was nervous to talk to them. They were both sympathetic, and very nice about it.  I feel better after telling them, and I'm sure you do to.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"