so confused about school situation (long)

melissa&mark · September 2013

Which school would you choose?

Our home school district has the cluster campus system. Instead of numerous k-5 elementary schools all of the K-1 students go to one school, 2-3 another campus, 4-5 another and then on to 6-8 at the middle school and 9-12 at the highschool. Pros and cons to this system but I like the idea of the kids all growing up and going to school together all the way through. There are a lot of kids in our district so at the K-1 school there are 500+ kids and something like 12 K classes. Our district has major budget issues but the community has really come together to bridge the gap so the kids don't feel any differences at school. Test scores aren't the best and I have a shy child so I worry about the size issues and at the middle school level there are over 950 kids! Of the large number of kids a decent amount are low income and i've read in the paper about there being gang issues even at the middle school level. Even with the amount of kids our town still feels close knit and I enjoy recognizing kids and parents around town and like the idea of them playing little league together, etc.

The second choice is to transfer to another district 5 minutes away. The school is a more traditional K-6 with only 3 classes at my son's grade level. This district has a better reputation and higher test scores. The middle school only has 120 kids which I really like at that tough age. The concern with that district is that there is no high school so out of the 60 kids in your grade they will be spread out to a number of high schools. I wouldn't want to send my son to our home district at that point since all these kids will have grown up together and have him be the new kid in 9th grade. As far as sports go he may play with a kid or two from school but it would mostly be kids from our hometown.

So do I go with our hometown even though the education isn't as good and it seems he'll have more negative influences to deal with so we feel part of our community? Or do I transfer him to a smaller school that I feel would better suit his shy personality, offer a better education but feel a disconnect from our community? He's young now so the high school concern is way off but it is still a major concern. He would still play sports with hometown friends, play in the neighborhood with them etc. but not have a chance to strengthen those friendships by going to school with those kids.

What would you choose? I'm so stressed! I've actually made my choice but I don't know if it's the right one!

neverblushed · September 2013

Hmm. That is a big decision to make -- I can see why you're stressed over it!

The most important advice I can give you, which applies to big decisions in general, is to make the best decision you can make and then DON'T second-guess it. You know both options will have pros and cons. Step forward firmly on whichever path you choose and embrace the advantages that come with that choice.

Now, as to the particulars of your situation:

--The thing that makes the biggest impact on your child's school experience is the quality of the classroom teacher. A great teacher can work in an underfunded school with a bunch of low income students and still make his/her classroom magical. Conversely, an affluent school can have lovely, well-dressed, polite students with involved parents... but if the classroom teachers at the school are duds, your child's experience in school will be mediocre at best. So I would suggest you talk to lots of other parents in the community and get a sense for how well-respected the teachers are in each school district.

--I wouldn't automatically assume that big school = bad, overcrowded school. My son's elementary school has over 1000 kids this year, but it's an awesome school. The principal is a genius when it comes to staffing, and the teachers my kids have had over the years have ranged from "decent" to "stellar."

--I would not let your child's future sports teams play into the decision at all. He will play whatever sports he plays and have whatever teammates he has. A lot can happen to shape the sports scene that you have no control over anyway: he could make it onto a travel team while his best friend is still in the rec league. A new community league could start up and families might have to choose between the leagues. Your son could switch sports, or quit sports entirely.

--Similarly, I wouldn't make any big decisions now based on the middle school and high school situation. A lot can happen between K and middle school: redistricting, new schools can open, neighborhoods can change. Also, elementary school parents tend to be very nervous about middle school, and they're likely to portray a middle school as "a rough school" even if it's just a normal middle school. Middle schools ARE generally "rougher" than elementary schools.

--You might want to schedule a visit to the K/1 school and to the school in the new district, and just take a tour, meet the principal, observe classes, observe the lunchroom, etc.

Mama-Bear · September 2013

First, do you plan to have more kids? It could be a real challenge to drop kids off at different schools starting at the same time if you drive them to school. I wouldn't worry too much about high school now, you never know what could happen at either school. Personally, as long as the teachers were good at the school 5 minutes away I'd send my kid there. Your child is gone more than he's home other than sleeping during the week, I want my children around positive influences (not that low income = bad influence but it sounds as if the other will generally be a better influence especially at the higher levels). While I would like for our kids to graduate with the same kids that were in their K class, it's not my priority. If we lived closer to our church we'd send them to the private school that is a part of our church and they only do K-8, the only reason we're not sending them there is because it's a 20-25 minute drive each way, so just to take them to school and pick them up would be almost 2 hours each day (3 hours when DS1 is in 2nd grade and our twins are in K). You just have to decide what's best for YOUR family and for YOUR son, it's not a one size fits all.

Spin313 · September 2013

Is this your "forever" home, or do you see a possible move in the future...? I, personally, would make the best for the child's educational needs NOW and deal with the rest later.

la79al · September 2013

If your kid is shy, he's already going to have problems making friends in your neighborhood (I mean going outside to play, not sports teams). Not going to school with anyone near his house is going to make it even harder. Don't forget that part of growing up is learning to socialize too, not just learning how to do well on tests. Smaller classrooms doesn't necessarily mean better if he is just going to be pulled away from many of those kids when he hits high school. Your child is not going to be the only shy child in school. He will adjust and make friends. I vote for the school in your district.

Aimathy · September 2013

I definitely vote for the second school. First and foremost, it sounds like a better fit educationally for your child. If that school is smaller, has good teachers and class sizes AND does better overall, then it's a no-brainer to me. I know for my DD as well, she would thrive more in a smaller setting than a massive machine type school.

If the 2nd school is only 5 minutes away, then he will have access to all of those children for play dates and socializing in the future and you will find all sorts of ways to have him be a part of the social network of families from that school. He may not be on their sports teams, but there are also some teams that allow out-of-district kids to play and he may be able to do that. Even if not, I don't think I'd let that be a deciding factor.

Their friendships will change over time. Where I grew up, the public high schools were so huge that you had a small chance of really being with any friends from your middle school and if you went to a private high school (like I did), you usually knew about 2 kids that went to your new high school. Everyone made friends and it actually gave you an opportunity to start fresh for HS.

Don't make the decision based on the future, make it based on now. You can always change your mind if you are horribly unhappy. Good luck!

BrandiF86 · October 2013

Me I would go with the smaller school, better grades, teachers more one on one time ect. as for the disconnect with people in town you can help with the high school issue now by building those relationships, get him in boy scouts/cub scouts, 4-H, any kids things you can so he can build those relationships. host mommy-child play dates, sleepovers, my kids were home schooled until this year, due to us moving around too much, we have one last move to make in 5 days then not going any place for a long time, so I plan on getting them set up in as many things as I can to help them build the bonds they have not had.

As for your son being shy there are ways to work with him on it but some kids just need a little help, and how you react can effect how he act's also. I dropped my kids off at school their first day in public school and walked away like it was any other normal day and they both did just fine. I can't tell you how many dirty looks I got on my walk out the door though.

Littlejen22 · October 2013

Do what is best for now, you could move or any number of other things in the future.

melissa&mark · October 2013

Thank you so much for your responses!

My son is actually in first grade now and last year we sent him to our home district for Kindergarten. This year for first grade we switched to the new district five minutes away and when I posted this the other day I was having a bit of a panic attack wondering if i had made the right decision.

The main reason we switched was for social reasons, maybe I should have given it more time but to late for that now. At the large school he seemed overwhelmed, he complained about not being able to find his friends at recess and he while he was friendly in class with kids he didn't really make any new friends. I was worried about it and then all the info about what a horrible financial state the district was in came out and we decided a smaller school might be a better fit.

School has been in for about 6 weeks now and it's clear that the social issues he was having at his old school had more to do with his shy personality then it did the size of the school. He still complains about not being able to find his friends and now he's having a hard time adjusting to silly little routine things like how they get excused at lunch, etc. He says he doesn't like school but I'm not sure if that's just because 1st grade is SO much more intense than K was and they seem to do work nonstop now.

After my panic attack I've decided to just lave him where he is since if I switched him back we'd be dealing with a whole new adjustment period and I don't think he truly misses his old school, he just misses the familiarity of the routines and such. I've emailed a few moms to set up play dates after school hoping that will help him strengthen friendships and most importantly I'm really trying not to interrogate him about his school day when I pick him up. He never complains about school unless I'm really prodding about every detail of his day. I volunteer every week and he seems to have all kinds of friends in class but I think his problem is knowing how to approach a group at recess that is already playing together. Not sure there is much I can do to help with that. He was so happy to get his first Bday invite this morning at drop off so I think we're moving in the right direction

Any other tips on adjusting to a new school that you ladies might have? Do you think I'm making the right decision to leave him at the new school?

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so confused about school situation (long)

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