Pertussis Question- Loss mentioned

mstal0929 · September 2013

I've got a question/need advice about how to handle a situation with my mil and her twin sister. This may be long, so I apologize in advance

Ok, so to start, my husbands aunt (his mother's twin sister) had a baby 35 years ago that passed away of SIDS at 2 months old. His aunt and mother blame an allergic reaction to the pertussis vaccine. They questioned several doctors about this and they all told them that unfortunately there is no explanation.

Fast forward to now, my husband's aunt now has two adult children, neither of which have had the vaccine. Her son has several health issues such as epilepsy and many other things(I only include this because the baby that passed was a boy as well). My husband has also not had the vaccine because his mother always said that he was allergic to it. My husband has two uncles who all have children who have had the vaccine and have had no problems.

His mother and aunt have now been bringing up us giving the vaccine to our little one. We have spoken to our OB and the pediatrician who have assured us that a fatal pertussis reaction is HIGHLY unlikely. His aunt calls at least once a week from Texas to talk about this, and to insist that we not give the vaccine to the baby. I did get the vaccine two weeks ago and LO is still healthy as can be inside of me. My husband isn't sure how to go about this sensitive subject either. Understandably, his aunt and mother are still very hurt and upset about her baby passing which I totally understand because I would too.

Any suggestions on how to talk about this subject with them? And has anyone had any experience or advice on giving the baby the immunization or not given this stiuation? In my opinion the baby should absolutely get the vaccine.

cagoldi · September 2013

It does sound tricky since they still have such strong feelings about the vaccine.

I would certainly still have the baby vaccinated. I would try to be as sensitive as possible but let them know you discussed it with your OB and pediatrician and they assured you LO will be safe.

Other than that I'm not sure what you can say that will convince them. Just explain that you feel very strongly about it and you are confident the risks or not vaccinating outweigh the risks of doing so.

DebateThis · September 2013

There's no need to have this discussion with them. "Thanks, but we will make our own decisions as parents of our LO and this topic is not up for discussion.". I realize there are some painful emotions that are causing their extreme reactions, but keep the emotion/discussion out of it. Your LO, your decision.

Littlemama01 · September 2013

I asked my dr about sids last week because I was curious and had been reading about angel care monitors etc. My dr advised me there is no preventing sids, even if you were standing over your baby trying to get them to breathe they can pass away without any cause or possible preventing it. It can happen to toddlers too, its awful to think but also set my mind at ease a bit that its not anything you did.

as for how to handle mil and aunt...do they really need to know??? I mean, you can listen with an empathetic ear but it doesn't mean you will take their advice as gospel every time. I wouldn't even tell them.

ranaverde · September 2013

I'd just get the vaccination. They're prioritizing an imagined possible allergic reaction over the very real threat of your baby catching a disease that can be fatal in young babies. Your call as to whether you tell them about it afterward.

ETA: In fact, the reality that their side of the family has refused to get vaccinated against pertussis makes it all the more important that you get the baby vaccinated as soon as possible, and that you limit their contact with the baby until that point. They could very easily act as carriers for it, since they have no current immunity to it. That your husband isn't vaccinated is more worrying still.

3Dewdrops · September 2013

Is it wrong in this case to suggest lying? Probably huh.

Can you do research into the vaccine to see if they have changed it in the last 25 years? When it comes down to it there is definitely a higher, very real risk of LO coming to harm because of pertussis vs. the vaccine.

I'm sorry you have this dilemma. If they've believed for this many years that baby passed because of this vaccine it is understandable they would be so opposed. I think people would like to assign a reason for losing a little one instead of just "SIDS." I think I would have wanted to place blame somewhere too but that doesn't mean its right.

gwenneh · September 2013

3Dewdrops said:

Can you do research into the vaccine to see if they have changed it in the last 25 years?

Actually, I was just having this conversation with my mom and exercising the powers of Google-fu while on the phone with her. My parents live in the US and I live in the UK, and they're planning on flying over for Christmas to visit us, and my mother was talking about getting the flu shot since they're going to be going through crowded airports, sitting on a plane, etc. during flu season, and I mentioned getting the DTaP, which I had in my last pregnancy with no side effects. DS has also had rounds of it, with no problems. My mother told me that my sister was unable to move for three days after being given that vaccine as a child some 30 years ago, an experience that was clearly terrifying for her. My sister was never given the rest of the course of those vaccines because of her reaction. Anyway, to make a long story short, I researched it a little bit (dangerous, I know!) and it turns out the vaccine itself has changed pretty considerably over time, moving from a whole cell to an acellular form with a lower rate of side effects. Obviously this information comes from a pro-immunization website (https://www.immunizationinfo.org) and I don't know where you stand on that subject, but this was the bit I found interesting:

In 1991, the Food and Drug Administration licensed the DTaP (diphtheria-tetanus-acellular pertussis) vaccine. While DTP vaccine was made using whole cells of the pertussis germ, DTaP is made using only small, purified pieces of the germs. Fewer side effects have been reported with the DTaP vaccine than with DTP. In 1991, DTaP was licensed for only the fourth and fifth doses in the series, and in 1997 it was licensed for all five doses.

So the side effects from the past aren't necessarily ones from the vaccine today, since the vaccine isn't the same.

BlessedinMN · September 2013

I would seriously consider LO's well being before your aunt/moms concern. Of course, I understand their concerns but this is about LO's health and safety first - not their fears that sound like they may be emotionally charged. My DH's boss has a 4 mos old who got whooping cough from daycare and is very ill. It's a real threat and can be fatal for infants. Best of luck! Oh, and, DH needs to seriously consider being vaccinated too!

krm112013 · September 2013

I agree with DebateThis. You have to do what you think is right for your child. Be sensitive considering the circumstances surrounding why they feel that way, but be firm that it's your kid, your choice. Good luck!

mstal0929 · September 2013

Thanks ladies, it sounds like we are all on the same page. My husband has every intention of getting the vaccine and just not telling his mom or aunt. And his aunt lives in Texas so we don't see her but maybe once or twice a year. And his mom, come to find out, had a tetanus shot a couple of weeks ago after cutting her knee on a screw. Typically don't all tetanus shots also contain pertussis? They don't typically do just tetanus right?

I think we will just listen to their concerns, but still get her the vaccine. Thanks again for your input everyone!

hollowway · September 2013

I also agree with DT and would like to add that I'd be making DH get the vaccine before LO is born. His mother probably said he's allergic to it to avoid the fact that she never gave it to him (another side effect of their fear).

krm112013 · September 2013

mstal0929 said:

Thanks ladies, it sounds like we are all on the same page. My husband has every intention of getting the vaccine and just not telling his mom or aunt. And his aunt lives in Texas so we don't see her but maybe once or twice a year. And his mom, come to find out, had a tetanus shot a couple of weeks ago after cutting her knee on a screw. Typically don't all tetanus shots also contain pertussis? They don't typically do just tetanus right?

I think we will just listen to their concerns, but still get her the vaccine. Thanks again for your input everyone!

Yep. I look at medical records all day long and I've never seen one given that wasn't the combo.

DSMLove · September 2013

mstal0929 said:
And his mom, come to find out, had a tetanus shot a couple of weeks ago after cutting her knee on a screw. Typically don't all tetanus shots also contain pertussis? They don't typically do just tetanus right?

Not necessarily. An adult "tetanus booster" is usually just Td. You have to specifically ask for the Tdap.

mstal0929 · September 2013

krm112013 said:

mstal0929 said:

Thanks ladies, it sounds like we are all on the same page. My husband has every intention of getting the vaccine and just not telling his mom or aunt. And his aunt lives in Texas so we don't see her but maybe once or twice a year. And his mom, come to find out, had a tetanus shot a couple of weeks ago after cutting her knee on a screw. Typically don't all tetanus shots also contain pertussis? They don't typically do just tetanus right?

I think we will just listen to their concerns, but still get her the vaccine. Thanks again for your input everyone!

Yep. I look at medical records all day long and I've never seen one given that wasn't the combo.

Well that's a relief! At least I know she has had it, even if she doesn't! I can guarantee she wouldn't have agreed to have it if she would've known that pertussis was included.

@MaMaBear1323 she did not ever have him get the vaccine, and told school that he was allergic to it. He is planning to get it though.

krm112013 · September 2013

DSMLove said:

And his mom, come to find out, had a tetanus shot a couple of weeks ago after cutting her knee on a screw. Typically don't all tetanus shots also contain pertussis? They don't typically do just tetanus right?

Not necessarily. An adult "tetanus booster" is usually just Td. You have to specifically ask for the Tdap.

Learn something new every day, but that makes sense for people who keep up with vaccines that a booster wouldn't be the whole schbang. I wonder if they gave OP's MIL the option of the combo or the other. But from what I've read in records if a person hasn't had a DTaP in 10+ years they stick them with the combo.

Zilly13 · September 2013

In this circumstance I'd vaccinate your LO and tell your DHs mom/aunt you didn't. They'll be none the wiser. Yes, you can tell them it's your decision, but I get the place of hurt/panic they are coming from. I'd also have DH get the vaccine as well. He doesn't need to tell them he did it.

DSMLove · September 2013

krm112013 said:

Learn something new every day, but that makes sense for people who keep up with vaccines that a booster wouldn't be the whole schbang. I wonder if they gave OP's MIL the option of the combo or the other. But from what I've read in records if a person hasn't had a DTaP in 10+ years they stick them with the combo.

DTaP and Tdap are actually two different vaccines. If a person is following CDC recommendations, a total of 5 doses of DTaP are administered to children between 2 months and 6 years of age. Then a dose of Tdap is administered at 11-12 years. The recommended follow-up for adults is a "tetanus booster" (Td) every ten years.

https://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/parents/downloads/parent-ver-sch-0-6yrs.pdf

krm112013 · September 2013

@DSMLove: thank you!

dobrydney · September 2013

I feel like the last line of your OP sums it up. If you feel the baby should get it, then I don't think you really need to be concerned with how other family members (other than DH) feel about it. I would explain it to them sensitively, but it really isn't of their concern.

JennyR327 · September 2013

I am allergic to the tetanus part of the vaccination. My reaction technically falls in the moderate category and not severe. However, I have still gotten it just not while pregnant because the benefits outweigh the risk for me. My sister and mom were also allergic when younger, but don't really react to it anymore. And my niece did not have a reaction. I spoke with my pediatrician and we are going to give this one separately and monitor the reaction. As far as letting your DH family know, I would try to avoid discussing it with them if you can.

babymama619 · September 2013

I don't really think there needs to be much of a discussion. Take the shot in your third tri like it's recommended. I'm assuming you haven't had a reaction before. When it's time, give the baby the shot and afterwards the discussion is pointless.

Also you could remind the that when YH was little pertussis was well contained by vaccination. With more and more people opting out and not getting their boosters today there has been a rise in the number of cases and LO is more susceptible especially since we have our kids more out and about now.

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