Secondary IF
Jen071407
member
Jealousy
Jen071407
member
in Secondary IF
I'll go out on a limb and guess I'm not alone in this, but I get so disgustingly jealous of every pregnant woman I see, and I am appalled at myself. Their fertility is in no way affecting mine, people have babies EVERY DAY. But it still hits me like a slap in the face. I can be in the greatest mood, having fun with my girls, then pregnant lady walks by and bam! Reminder that I am not pregnant. And may never be pregnant for all I know. I wish I didn't want 3 (4 actually) kids. I know I'm incredibly lucky to have my DDs, so why can't that be enough?! Sorry, turned into a lot of rambling! Feel free to ramble back 
Two DDs 10/08 and 08/10, no primary IF
TTC #3 since 10/2011 - dx unexplained/weak ovulation
3 BFN clomid + TI cycles, 5 BFN clomid/gonal f IUIs, 1 mmc IUI
2/19/2014 IVF #1 Unexpected low E2 (oversuppressed) -> increased to max doses = 3 or 4 follicles, converting to IUI
BFFP Saw 1 beautiful heartbeat at 6w6d, follow up u/s at 9w showed mmc. Eff this.
NTNP 5/2014-9/2014, OPKs and TI 10/2014 - 1/2015.
RPL testing all normal, AFC, AMH, and FSH all normal.
IVF 1.2 1/22/2014 natural cycle start, AFC 28, 300 gonal f/150menopur.
ER 2/3/15 14R 8M 3F w/ICSI Day 5 transfer on 2/8/15 of one "Grade A+" blast and have TWO frosties!
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Re: Jealousy
I get this way too, and I know what you mean about feeling upset with yourself for those feelings. It's so hard. The worst for me is seeing someone with a toddler DS's age or younger who also has a baby. Or being lapped by friends. Ugh. And I don't think it in any way means that you don't appreciate what you do have. I love my DS, but I always pictured having 3 kids, and we're struggling just to have 2.
There's my rambling answer back at you. It's just hard.
TTC #2 since 1/2012
Definitely not alone! I also have to keep reminding myself their fertility doesn't affect mine, but I can't help but think why them and not me. @roughkat, I also find it harder when it is someone with a toddler or young child already (anyone notice these people are everywhere at the fall festivals??). That would have been us if we didn't have 2IF. Same with being lapped. I can think of at least 6 friends/acquaintances who had #1 after us and who either have #2 already or who are pregnant. And some with 2 are talking about #3, while others are talking about getting rid of baby stuff since they are done. It is hard to stay positive.
DS born Jan 2010
TTC#2 since Nov 2010 with breaks for DH cancer tx (remission!)
Tube with hydro removed Feb 2013
BFP 11/11/13 IUI#2 clomid+trigger+prometrium
Beta #1 14dpIUI=106; Beta #2 16dpIUI=287; Beta #3 20dpIUI=1158
5w6d 1 hb 109 and 2nd smaller sac; 7w0d 1 hb 125 and confirmed vanishing twin
Didn't you just have a miscarriage? Cut yourself some slack. I cannot even imagine the level of grief. I would lose my shit.
Me: 27 DH: 33
Conceived DS after 4 years of MFI
TTC # 2 (not trying,not preventing ever)
May 2013 - August 2013 Timed Intercourse = BFN
September 2013 Timed Intercourse, Weekly Acupuncture, Herbs=BFN
October 2013 Timed Intercourse, Weekly Acupuncture, Herbs, and "warming foods" = BFP
Beta #1 19, Beta #2 18 Progesterone 4.6 Miscarried 11/9/13
November 2013 - Benched, waiting for first post-loss AF.
No longer benched per New RE/OB!
Jan. 15 2014 - BFP. HCG 3900 - Ectopic
Jan. 16 2014 Left tube removed and D&C
March 2, 2014 First AF
:-/ This feeling is the worst... Right after we had our current MC 7 of my closest friends and family announced their pregnancies. I lost a lot of sleep over it, and my mascara ruined a lot of my husbands shirts. It hasn't gotten any easier for me, with each milestone they reach in their pregnancies, Im reminded of where I would have been in mine. I hope the edge comes off soon, and you are able to work through these feelings girl... Sending big hugs your way!!
Damned hormones!
Me: 27 DH: 33
Conceived DS after 4 years of MFI
TTC # 2 (not trying,not preventing ever)
May 2013 - August 2013 Timed Intercourse = BFN
September 2013 Timed Intercourse, Weekly Acupuncture, Herbs=BFN
October 2013 Timed Intercourse, Weekly Acupuncture, Herbs, and "warming foods" = BFP
Beta #1 19, Beta #2 18 Progesterone 4.6 Miscarried 11/9/13
November 2013 - Benched, waiting for first post-loss AF.
No longer benched per New RE/OB!
Jan. 15 2014 - BFP. HCG 3900 - Ectopic
Jan. 16 2014 Left tube removed and D&C
March 2, 2014 First AF
Been there, done that! And then felt guilty. Whatevs. @tickettuesday I know what you mean about watching and empathizing with friends struggling with IF and probably having been "that" pregnant woman. I used to think I understood to an extent how hard infertility must be for them. Now 2 years in to 2IF I know I had no idea the heartache that IF causes. @+southernmomma+ mc while struggling with 2IF still just makes me flat out pissed off. I'm right with you on having lost sleep. I know someone who is due 3 days before what my edd was and I know I will be avoiding seeing her until her baby is born so I can avoid the heartache.