The More You Know - MIL Vent

PongoLePond · September 2013

My MIL is a pushy person in general. She means well but she always assumes she knows best and you can't tell her anything. We were in the office today chatting before I went home and I came across a video on FB of a 3 month old baby eating an ice cream cone. I made a comment about what an awful idea that was. My MIL looked at me and rolls her eyes and says I'll get over all that protectiveness after a while since this was my first kid. I just looked at her in shock. She then proceeds to tell me how I should give my baby honey and eggs and milk (cow milk not mommy milk) in little increments as young as possible because it will boost their immune system. All I could respond with was "I'll be following the recommendations of the APA on when it's safe to start feeding little man solid foods." She again laughs and says "Ya, we'll see about that!" I'm speechless. The more she talks the more certain I am that I will NOT be leaving my son over at her house unattended! She just blatantly told me she wasn't going to follow pediatric guidelines much less my wishes!

So my question is, anyone with crazy in-laws hear any amazing gems like this lately? How did you deal with them?

Edited because my computer spazzed and posted before I was done.

finnybooboo · September 2013

Ugh. That's really annoying. We won't allow our child to be left alone with my MIL either.
1 - she's a recovering alcoholic, though we've had suspicions recently she may be relapsing
2 - she has a good number of medical issues and depression, and is on a lot of medications and I don't trust her state of mind or judgement while on some of them.
3 - she hasn't been around a baby since her youngest son (who is now 25) so I guarantee she has NO CLUE of the new practices, safety things, etc.
4 - she was a terrible mother and I'm not sure how my DH and his brother actually survived
5 - she gives her dog stuff to "make her calm down and sleep" and I'm not willing to take the chance of her giving my child something to "make her calm down and sleep"

I could probably go on, but I should stop there before my BP rises anymore...

JLW0504 · September 2013

MH's Step mother fed our nephew maple syrup when he was a month old. I about died when I saw her doing that! (he's 5 now) I told him she was NEVER going to be alone with our children...EVER.

BrittanyCupcakes · September 2013

My sister planned on waiting til 1 year to introduce solids to her son. My mom constantly joked about giving him chocolate when my sister wasn't looking. Not funny, not cool.

Amcdonnel1028 · September 2013

My husband handles his mother for me. I've never had to, thank God. But I definitely understand your frustration and I would be super cautious leaving LO with her unattended if she's not willing to abide by your rules.

cmar1006 · September 2013

One of my close friends had her baby back in May. Her MIL is from the Philippines and has been telling her since the beginning that she needs to give her son water in between feedings. Say what!?

kjenkins346 · September 2013

I'm getting scared because my MIL has been MIA for the past few months because DH has been trying to stay out of her recent drama so I haven't had the chance to "correct" any of her assumptions. My mother knows me well enough that if she tried any of this crap I would revoke her LO priveledges so fast her head would spin.

alfan004 · September 2013

My MIL thought it was ridiculous that I won't allow a bumper in LOs crib. She said she didn't see the big deal and it's there to protect their little fingers. Umm woman I'm more concerned with the fact that it can suffocate my baby...anyways! Also, she was babysitting one of our good friend's 2 year old recently and we were all there the next morning. The mother put some juice in her daughters bottle and gave it to her. Well my MIL took one look at it and said to the little girl, you don't want that stinky juice, you want Coke don't you?? And proceeded to pour out the juice and put coke in her bottle. Then she gave her cookies for breakfast. My eyes got as big as plates and if it had been my child, I would have ripped her a new one. But since it was our friends child and they were there, I didn't say anything. I don't think they felt comfortable enough to protest either. My MIL has terrible eating habits and she refuses to ever drink water and they keep at least 5 different kinds of soda stocked in the fridge at all times. I told DH that there is no way in hell she is taking care of our child if she pulls crap like that, especially if she knows it's against my wishes. Ugh freaking in laws...

PongoLePond · September 2013

She's the type to acknowledge my request for something, agree to not do it, do it anyway then brag about how she did it behind my back thinking that she suddenly solved some major problem for me. She left her kids when the youngest was 2 and my BF was 4 so I have no faith in her skills is a mother or a grandmother. She thinks she's going to baby sit all the time and will have say so over my parenting choices. The reality check when it doesn't happen will be harsh but necessary. I refuse to fight with her I just won't leave my son alone with her.

jennlin · September 2013

my IL's roll their eyes at every one of my parenting techniques, but i am SO fortunate that they don't do anything against my wishes.

PongoLePond · September 2013

alfan004 said:

My MIL thought it was ridiculous that I won't allow a bumper in LOs crib. She said she didn't see the big deal and it's there to protect their little fingers. Umm woman I'm more concerned with the fact that it can suffocate my baby...anyways! Also, she was babysitting one of our good friend's 2 year old recently and we were all there the next morning. The mother put some juice in her daughters bottle and gave it to her. Well my MIL took one look at it and said to the little girl, you don't want that stinky juice, you want Coke don't you?? And proceeded to pour out the juice and put coke in her bottle. Then she gave her cookies for breakfast. My eyes got as big as plates and if it had been my child, I would have ripped her a new one. But since it was our friends child and they were there, I didn't say anything. I don't think they felt comfortable enough to protest either. My MIL has terrible eating habits and she refuses to ever drink water and they keep at least 5 different kinds of soda stocked in the fridge at all times. I told DH that there is no way in hell she is taking care of our child if she pulls crap like that, especially if she knows it's against my wishes. Ugh freaking in laws...

Oh my! I would've ripped that woman a new one! Either that or grabbed my baby, left and never came back! My mom might roll her eyes at my choices but she will respect them. I just can't believe the audacity of some people.

yesthisiskim0401 · September 2013

All I can say is I am beyond thankful my BSC MIL lives over 800 miles away from us. I saw her *great* (sarcasm) grand mothering skills first hand far too many times with SIL's kids to even turn my back on her and walk to the next room with my children alone with her. Thankfully the distance between us ensures she will never even think to babysit my daughters.

EmJ&B · September 2013

MIL told me that I should pull the nipple off a pacifier, fill it with breast milk, reattach it to the pacifier and give it to LO. I actually have no idea why but, uh, hello choking hazard???

MIL also smokes in her house but thinks it's fine to do it around other people if the windows are open. Say what??

Alexandrap · September 2013

**sighs**
Brings back so many memories of butting heads with late MIL. For the most part she was harmless but I will examples of the few times I did a double take...

•telling me it was ok to drink during pregnancy because her doctors told her it was ok when she was pregnant. Not talking a sip here or there more like few beers and a gin and tonic.

• 4th of July, argued with me that I am too controlling because I wouldn't put my then 3 month old in her pool with water wings. As in drop the kid in to float with just the ones on your arms.

• the big one almost cost her her son and grandson. She made a comment to me in front of FIL's extended family about how she was soooooo glad DS was born white with good hair like her DS as opposed to "brown and fuzzy haired" like me.

There were others I'm sure but these have stuck with me. She apologized after each incident

norbert5 · September 2013

As crazy as my MIL is I am pretty grateful they follow our rules when t comes to food, sleep, etc.

Sounds like you can cut MIL off the babysitters list.

alfan004 · September 2013

@quartermisses I love dairy too much to ever give it up. Never ever...lol.

reederah · September 2013

I think it's a MIL thing... Mine was convinced my son was starving because I was still exclusively breast feeding him at 3 months. And she was soooo ready to feed him any possible food when we introduced solids. She's a bit cray.

ksimo6 · September 2013

My MIL asked if my husband and I wanted to go on vacation a week after the baby is born so she can have her for a week to herself. Ummm. No.

Crinita · September 2013

Jeez, especially about the honey--- that is downright dangerous! Hello Clostridium botulinum.

PongoLePond · September 2013

ksimo6 said:

My MIL asked if my husband and I wanted to go on vacation a week after the baby is born so she can have her for a week to herself. Ummm. No.

Wow that is a whole new level of crazy. I REALLY hope she was joking!

PongoLePond · September 2013

Crinita said:

Jeez, especially about the honey--- that is downright dangerous! Hello Clostridium botulinum.

Oh yea! She claims that "If you just mix it with oatmeal it's fine and really good for them!" Oatmeal, to a 3 month old. Probably younger but I had to stop discussing the topic with her because every word that comes out of her mouth makes me wanna hit her in said mouth. There's a LOT of things we butt heads on but I'm not going to fight with her. Like I said before I'm just not gonna leave LO alone with her.

tashad18 · September 2013

My MIL never really contacts me. She did buy the carseat, stroller, and a big box of baby items for LO. I think it is just how she is involved. It bothers me that they would rather "buy" a relationship than create one but I try to be appreciative.

At least I don't have to listen to all of the unsolicited advice!

kimbo1216 · September 2013

Eh. They grew up in a time where stuff like that was the norm. Maybe it's because I wasn't there, but I don't see where she said she wouldn't follow what you request. I was pretty strict about stuff like that. Anyone that watched DD knew so. And even my ILs and parents who didn't always agree or even understand did follow what we asked. If they didn't or there was a misunderstanding, we made sure to communicate our wishes.

One of our big things was no TV. I know they hated it sometimes. But I do believe they respected it even if they didn't want to. So hopefully your ILs will do the same.

Good luck and try to let comments like that just roll.

JenMatt2010 · September 2013

quartermisses said:
My MIL has been cut-off. It's amazing. I highly recommend it

I AM SO JEALOUS.

blondolphn · September 2013

I told my MIL I was able to get a car seat base for her. her response was great, what's a base? I also have had to teach her about no bumpers, nothing in the crib with the baby etc. We should have gotten her a new grandma book or something with all the changes since her kids were babies. She is willing to learn, it's just frustrating at this point when you don't feel awesome.

JenMatt2010 · September 2013

My MIL got pissed at us when I was pregnant with DS, and retaliated by cutting up the onesie we gave her to announce she was going to be a grandma. Psycho much?

Needless to say, she has never, nor will she ever be, alone with any of my kids, not even long enough for me to pee.

KevsLove · September 2013

blondolphn said:
I told my MIL I was able to get a car seat base for her. her response was great, what's a base? I also have had to teach her about no bumpers, nothing in the crib with the baby etc. We should have gotten her a new grandma book or something with all the changes since her kids were babies. She is willing to learn, it's just frustrating at this point when you don't feel awesome.

Apparently there are new grandparent classes you can take... I've seen then offered at the Y and some community centers. Maybe google it for your area? It's nice that she's willing to learn.

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