returning to work and don't want to :(

jourdainr · September 2013

I don't know if this is the right place to post this, but here it goes!

My company requires new moms to return to work after maternity leave for 30 days if they didn't know they were leaving until their maternity leave started. Unfortunately this is the case for me - we didn't know until recently that we were going to be able to afford for me to be a stay at home mom. I understand why they have this requirement, but it is definitely stressing me out as I am not looking forward to leaving my son for the time I have to be back at work. I am trying not to stress about it in my last week and a half before I have to go back, but I am dreading it so much it is nearly impossible not to think about all the time. Any advice for how to get through my time back at work would definitely be appreciated!

jourdainr · September 2013

Oh, and some of the problem is that my job is not very stimulating, so I'm worried that I am going to spend the entire time there and during my commute thinking about not being with my son. That will definitely make those 5 weeks harder. I'm just not sure how to get out of this funk, accept that there is nothing I can do about it, and try to figure out a way to be happy while I'm dealing with working.

cecilyandgautam · September 2013

Whether they can do that I think depends on what kind of paid leave you took while out on ML - did you take accumulated sick leave for the first 6-8 week and accumulated vacation for the rest? Or did you make use of a paid maternity benefit separate from your accumulated leave? I'm not a lawyer or a FMLA specialist, but I would guess that's at the heart of whether they really can require this of you. If you still have unused accumulated leave, you should use it to shorten your remaining time in the office.

bullybutt · September 2013

I DREADED going back to work. I didn't want to. I was totally consumed with DS and didn't want to put him in DC or be away from him. I cried...a lot! I also knew that my benefits wouldn't be covered if I did not fulfill my employment obligations and was not willing to pay back the compensation that I received while away. 5 weeks will FLY by! It might not seem like it at first, but it will. I know that once I returned to work and still to this day, I was on TB lurking on different groups and checking to see if DS was hitting milestones, I was nursing enough, any other moms going through similar angst, etc. My employeer got minimal work out of me. I was eventually laid off a few months later with a big group of other employees. They knew that I was miserable and probably one of the factors for my layoff. I thanked Jesus! The only perks that I reminded myself were that I was receiving a paycheck to pay for things that DS needed and that it allowed me time to run errands w/o DS on my lunchbreak...which was really nice. You WILL survive and so will your LO. Just keep yourself busy.

thedash · September 2013

Honestly it seems pretty fair to me that you need to return to work for some time or repay the company since you took advantage of a maternity leave. Just remind yourself that it is the professional thing to do and try to stay busy preparing your team for the transition.

jourdainr · September 2013

I used all of my accumulated leave time during maternity leave and then used unpaid time off for the rest. I have looked into all of the options, and unfortunately, this is the company policy and they are allowed to require it of me.

I will definitely be able to maintain my professionalism. I actually have a pretty good working environment aside from it not being very mentally stimulating. And they love me at work and are sad that I'm not returning permanently, so that will not be a problem. I'm just worried that I will end up bursting into tears as soon as anyone asks me about my son

I have definitely read that getting things together the night before can help. And luckily my mother will be up to watch my son while I have to be at work, so that helps a bit.

Thanks for the replies so far, keep them coming!

jourdainr · September 2013

Oh, and we have benefits through my husband, so again, hard to focus on something that isn't necessary for us...

jourdainr · September 2013

Thank you bullybutt! It's always nice to have someone be supportive

(I am thinking maybe I should have posted this on the SAHM part of the discussion boards as some people may not understand here) I really am hoping that the time will fly by!

And I think I am only having a hard time with this because I know a lot of people whose companies allow for maternity leave and do not require you to return. Just as something nice they do for their employees. Oh well! Nothing I can do about it now.

Brady77 · September 2013

This is a fairly common practice. I work for a local government and when I received my FMLA leave packet it stated that if I chose not to come back or left prior to 30 days elapsing I would have to pay back my premiums as well. I recall reading it because I was contemplating a potential job change while on leave.

30 days isn't terrible, you may find you enjoy a little adult time. You will get through it and it will seem like a distant memory.

jourdainr · September 2013

Thanks Brady77! I am trying to remind myself that 5 weeks is really a drop in the bucket when you look at the grand view of things. Hopefully I can keep this in mind and get into a more upbeat mood about my time back at work. Thanks for the encouragement

bullybutt · September 2013

Also, knowing that your mom is taking care of LO is a HUGE difference. DS was in DC and catching all the germs. He had double ear infections, respiratory infection, diaper rashes that were RIDICULOUS. It just make me working all that much worse because no one can take care of your child as good as you, or to your standards. My employeer now knows that they aren't getting any overtime out of me because as soon as 4:30 hits, I'm out the door, knocking people over (not really) trying to go pick up DS. You will have a hard first week, but after you get into the routine, you will find that it's really not THAT awful. It's all about adjustment and realizing that things will work out just fine.

jourdainr · September 2013

Thanks again bullybutt. I will try to take all of the encouragement to heart

And milkergirl1 I am not trying to be down on working moms, I just know that it isn't for me. Also, some of the comments on here were more judgmental than supportive. That's all I was getting at. I actually have a lot of respect for moms who work because I know how hard it must be for them. And I did look into it before going on maternity leave. It just didn't become an option until I had already gone on leave. Otherwise I definitely would have quit before.

MirandaHobbes · September 2013

jourdainr said:

Thanks again bullybutt. I will try to take all of the encouragement to heart

And milkergirl1 I am not trying to be down on working moms, I just know that it isn't for me. Also, some of the comments on here were more judgmental than supportive. That's all I was getting at. I actually have a lot of respect for moms who work because I know how hard it must be for them. And I did look into it before going on maternity leave. It just didn't become an option until I had already gone on leave. Otherwise I definitely would have quit before.

The comments were factual- not judgmental. And you asked for advice, not support.

laurakaz13 · September 2013

MirandaHobbes said:

jourdainr said:

Thanks again bullybutt. I will try to take all of the encouragement to heart

And milkergirl1 I am not trying to be down on working moms, I just know that it isn't for me. Also, some of the comments on here were more judgmental than supportive. That's all I was getting at. I actually have a lot of respect for moms who work because I know how hard it must be for them. And I did look into it before going on maternity leave. It just didn't become an option until I had already gone on leave. Otherwise I definitely would have quit before.

The comments were factual- not judgmental. And you asked for advice, not support.

You owe it to your company, so just suck it up for a bit. 5 weeks is nothing and like others said, it's actually kind of nice to get away and get some adult time. I will tell you that for a lot of us, it would be much harder to be a SAHM.

Otherwise, just pump as much milk as you can if you are BFing and build up a freezer stash for those weeks you are working. Prepare the night before. Pack the car, get lunch ready, etc. Just think of work as a nice break. Having a newborn is freaking hard as you likely know by now. Also, it will be harder on you than him.

Relax and be positive about it. Also, don't burn bridges. Do a good job while you are there. It's short term.

LoCarb · September 2013

30 days isn't a lifetime...it's a great compromise. You don't want to burn bridges.

daisy662 · September 2013

You said that until recently you thought you were going to have to go back permanently so although I understand not wanting to go back, 30 days is not a lot of time at all. And, it is the right thing to do considering you utilized the company's benefits and they held your job for you. Seems to me you need to not complain about it because it just isn't that big of a deal.

honkytonk_kid · September 2013

milkergirl1 said:

jourdainr said:

Thank you bullybutt! It's always nice to have someone be supportive (I am thinking maybe I should have posted this on the SAHM part of the discussion boards as some people may not understand here) I really am hoping that the time will fly by!

And I think I am only having a hard time with this because I know a lot of people whose companies allow for maternity leave and do not require you to return. Just as something nice they do for their employees. Oh well! Nothing I can do about it now.

Wow. I'm not sure why you posted here then if you're just going to put down working moms? People gave you tips, and were supportive. It sounds like you have 2 options; work those 5 weeks or pay back the money, and it doesn't sound like paying back the money is an option for you. So there's not really any other advice anyone can give you than what was already posted, suck it up, be a good employee for those 5 weeks, and then quit. Maybe you should have looked into this before you went on maternity leave if it was such a big issue?

Oh, relax. It's common knowledge that this board is vastly made up of women who want to be working. How is it "putting down" to think people who want to work might not understand struggling to go back?

Also, I'm a little confused as to how they are making you come back? Generally that is done if you are receiving benefits through the company, with the consequence of not coming back being that you have to repay your benefits, or if you had a paid leave you would have to repay that. But you said you get benefits through your husband, and your leave was accrued PTO and unpaid leave- what exactly is binding you to return? HR people, what am I missing here?

returning to work and don't want to :(

Re: returning to work and don't want to :(

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