NBFR - curfews

CFjo2010 · September 2013

DS is now 14 and in High School *shudder*. Between his football games, and requirement to attend Varsity football games, he's a pretty busy guy. DH and I haven't worked out a specific curfew for DS yet, because other than football games (which we attend also) nothing has really come up. But Homecoming is around the corner, and DS is already talking about different Halloween events so it's time to buckle down and set a curfew.

It's been so long since I was in High School, but my curfew was 10 pm, except for special events (Homecoming, Prom, etc) and the occasional Cosmic Bowling which went until 2 a.m. I know things are a lot different now, so I'm at a loss at to what is an acceptable curfew anymore. What curfews do you impose on your High Schoolers? What are your exceptions to the rule?

kimmygirl77 · September 2013

We do midnight on weekends and 10 pm on weekdays. Unless there is something specific and SS knows it beforehand that it will be later. Like cosmic bowling. SS is really trustworthy so we have not had issues. (Knock on wood) but if he gets in trouble when he is out...then his freedom will be yanked.

Lavender P · September 2013

I am old school and was raised very strictly. I think 10 pm on a weekday is way too late. We weren't really allowed to do anything on weekdays after our sports practice was over because we had to go home and do school work. I think for a 14 year old 10 or 11 pm on a weekend is reasonable, with exceptions for special events.

kimmygirl77 · September 2013

SS is 16 and is very responsible and respectful. We don't give him a bedtime anymore, and haven't since he started highschool. We will revoke these privileges if grades start to slide, but they haven't. I guess it depends on the kid. We are very lucky that SS is such a good kid. He doesn't go out every weekend either. Most times he is tired after his Saturday meets and wants to hang out at home......

EarthandFire · September 2013

Mine was 9 on week nights and 10 on weekends unless permission was received from my parents for an exception at that age. I can't think of anything a child would need a later curfew for on a regular basis at that age. My sophomore year it was the same. I did have a weekly exception one night to go dancing with friends at a teen friendly location. As a junior, when I could drive, it was raised to 10 week nights, baring my grades did not suffer, and midnight on the weekends. We'll probably do something close to this in a few years with our eldest.

KTdidit · September 2013

Lavender P said:

I am old school and was raised very strictly. I think 10 pm on a weekday is way too late. We weren't really allowed to do anything on weekdays after our sports practice was over because we had to go home and do school work. I think for a 14 year old 10 or 11 pm on a weekend is reasonable, with exceptions for special events.

This is how I was raised also. If we did get to do something during the week I think we had to be home by 8pm. 10pm during the week is waaaay too late IMO. And on the weekends it was based on what I was going out to do: football game, movie, etc.

Ginlyn0 · September 2013

My curfew growing up was 10pm on weekdays and Midnight on weekends. For Prom, my curfew was 2am.

However, I worked until 10pm most school nights so I would technically get home after curfew. On weekends when there were football games and we traveled further (I was in band), I might make it home after midnight as well but my parents knew those exceptions.

I set the same expectations for my nephew when he was living with us (he was 18-19 at the time) but he didn't have a driver's license so we typically were the ones to transport him so he never broke curfew.

My parents had a notepad that stayed on the coffee table and I had to write down where I was going and a phone number (pre- widely used cell phone days) and who I was with and what the plan was. Which is kind of awesome because my mom kept it and I had a friend pass away and it's nice that she still has that....would be nicer if I had it

Ilumine · September 2013

A 14 yo needs 9+ hours of sleep (i scoff at the BYU study, given it was self reporting). Their bodies are still growing, their hormones are still raging, and they need to be well rested for school.

That means that you take the time they need to wake up (giving them a good amount of time to get the day going) and subtract 9 hours.

Then add one hour before sleepytime for their bedtime routine.

So for my 13yo neighbor who gets up at 7am to catch the 8am bus, she is expected to be asleep by 10pm and in her house getting ready for bed NLT 9pm.

SS was NOT forced to have reasonable bedtimes, he was allowed to stay up late playing video games and was allowed to watch videos on his Ipod Touch. DH's view was that when SS had bad grades, he would learn his lesson.

Except that SS, like all children, is not intuitive or smart enough to GRASP that correlation. It is up to the ADULTS to override the selfcenteredness of their children.

So guess who makes her child shower at 6:30pm and get in bed at 7pm because her 4yo wakes up at 6:30 am? Does that cramp our household when DH doesnt get home until 6pm sometimes? You betcha. But I want my child to be as healthy as possible.

CFjo2010 · September 2013

A 10 pm bedtime would definitely allow for DS to get 9 hours of sleep for school the next day. DD and K have an 8:30 pm bedtime and the rule for DS has been that he needs to be in his room at 8:30 pm, lights off at 10 pm. We haven't had any issues regarding staying up too late, and for the most part he's pretty responsible about checking in if he's out with friends.

It sounds like 11 pm or midnight on weekends is pretty reasonable. Especially now that kids have cellphones so there's no reason/excuse to not check in. But I think during the week I'm keeping his curfew to 9 pm.

twister22 · September 2013

I would say 9PM on week nights unless there's an extenuating circumstance, and 11 or 12 on weekends is reasonable. How does the saying go? "Nothing good ever happens after 2:00 a.m." And I would imagine that should be even earlier for 14 yo boys

.

emme022 · September 2013

I didn't really have a curfew mostly just asked my parents about going to this or that and I didn't really go out much anyways. I can't think of anything I did on a week day that would have gone past 10 except when I worked at a restaurant. I'm thinking the rules changed somewhat at some point for my brother(I was in college so not sure) since he is always out somewhere and often comes home after midnight, one etc but during school that was usually on weekends.

Also before I could drive it depended on if I would need to be picked up/dropped off since my moms a teacher and didn't want to have to go out too late so she could sleep. Once I had my license there was a state mandated driving curfew for under 18.

bebe11 · September 2013

jobalchak said:

A 10 pm bedtime would definitely allow for DS to get 9 hours of sleep for school the next day. DD and K have an 8:30 pm bedtime and the rule for DS has been that he needs to be in his room at 8:30 pm, lights off at 10 pm. We haven't had any issues regarding staying up too late, and for the most part he's pretty responsible about checking in if he's out with friends.

It sounds like 11 pm or midnight on weekends is pretty reasonable. Especially now that kids have cellphones so there's no reason/excuse to not check in. But I think during the week I'm keeping his curfew to 9 pm.

This sounds totally reasonable to me. My SS is 15, in 10th grade, but when he is with us he just hangs out at home, so there hasn't been any issues that come up.

Littlejen22 · September 2013

No way is my freshman stayin out until midnight unless I know with 100% certainty where they are, who is there and who is in charge which means I talk to a parent and confirm and am the one to pick them up and see the adult in charge. My biggest regret is that we did not do that when my SD was in high school and took her word for it which ended in her doing drugs, drinking and almost not graduating.

I have no issue with saying a freshman should be at home by 10 or 10:30 and allow exceptions when reasonable. I don't care what other parents allow because I am looking out for my kids.

Ilumine · September 2013

@Littlejenn22 My freshman kid isnt just going to have a 10:00 curfew, she is going to be IN BED and SOUND ASLEEP by 10:00!

But given that HS starts at 7am and she needs to be on the bus at 6am, she will be in bed and sound asleep by 9pm. That means in the house by 8pm on school nights unless she is in a sport/activity.

But even THEN, I cannot see very many activities that will keep her out past 8pm on school nights. I know of four school districts in 4 different states and none of them have night events unless they are on Fridays or Saturdays or special events like finals or states and the kids have to drive a but further.

Littlejen22 · September 2013

jobalchak said:
A 10 pm bedtime would definitely allow for DS to get 9 hours of sleep for school the next day. DD and K have an 8:30 pm bedtime and the rule for DS has been that he needs to be in his room at 8:30 pm, lights off at 10 pm. We haven't had any issues regarding staying up too late, and for the most part he's pretty responsible about checking in if he's out with friends.

It sounds like 11 pm or midnight on weekends is pretty reasonable. Especially now that kids have cellphones so there's no reason/excuse to not check in. But I think during the week I'm keeping his curfew to 9 pm.

Let me promise that that having a phone and checking in does mean that you know where he is. Even if he is a great kid it is so easy to be tempted to lie and go to a different place. I am pretty sure you know my BF story and it could not have happened if we did not just take her word for it. And honestly there were no signs of issues or reason not to believe her until we knew how bad it was.

And I actually change my curfew answer to the one above about not having one and having to ask permission to stay out until a reasonable time and if it is just hanging out then it is not late but if it is a school even I would allow later but like I said I would pick him up myself instead of letting him get rides. It is amazing that kids do not know you can hear them talk in a car.

Littlejen22 · September 2013

Ilumine said:
@Littlejenn22 My freshman kid isnt just going to have a 10:00 curfew, she is going to be IN BED and SOUND ASLEEP by 10:00!

But given that HS starts at 7am and she needs to be on the bus at 6am, she will be in bed and sound asleep by 9pm. That means in the house by 8pm on school nights unless she is in a sport/activity.

But even THEN, I cannot see very many activities that will keep her out past 8pm on school nights. I know of four school districts in 4 different states and none of them have night events unless they are on Fridays or Saturdays or special events like finals or states and the kids have to drive a but further.

Our school starts at 7:35 but another HS in our district start at 8:35 so there are many kids that would not be picked up until 8. And honestly all people even teens need different amounts of sleep like my DD needs more than DS at the same age. So I would not be too strict but will try to get them to a place where they wake on their own and therefore get enough sleep. But I know kids that take lessons like dance that run until 8. So sometimes exceptions need to be made as long as it works for the kid. But there is no reason I could imagine a freshman needing to hang out until 10 on a school night. In NJ a 17yo cannot even legally drive past 11:01 so that would be an easy guideline for me even on weekends and then I could allow exceptions where I would have to pick up my kid after that time.

twister22 · September 2013

Littlejen22 said:

A 10 pm bedtime would definitely allow for DS to get 9 hours of sleep for school the next day. DD and K have an 8:30 pm bedtime and the rule for DS has been that he needs to be in his room at 8:30 pm, lights off at 10 pm. We haven't had any issues regarding staying up too late, and for the most part he's pretty responsible about checking in if he's out with friends.

It sounds like 11 pm or midnight on weekends is pretty reasonable. Especially now that kids have cellphones so there's no reason/excuse to not check in. But I think during the week I'm keeping his curfew to 9 pm.
Let me promise that that having a phone and checking in does mean that you know where he is. Even if he is a great kid it is so easy to be tempted to lie and go to a different place. I am pretty sure you know my BF story and it could not have happened if we did not just take her word for it. And honestly there were no signs of issues or reason not to believe her until we knew how bad it was. And I actually change my curfew answer to the one above about not having one and having to ask permission to stay out until a reasonable time and if it is just hanging out then it is not late but if it is a school even I would allow later but like I said I would pick him up myself instead of letting him get rides. It is amazing that kids do not know you can hear them talk in a car.

My friend makes her son take a picture of where he says he is with another phone that shows the time in the picture. Every once and awhile she will show up where he says he's going to be just to verify that he's actually there. He doesn't know she does that though.

CFjo2010 · September 2013

Littlejen22 said:

A 10 pm bedtime would definitely allow for DS to get 9 hours of sleep for school the next day. DD and K have an 8:30 pm bedtime and the rule for DS has been that he needs to be in his room at 8:30 pm, lights off at 10 pm. We haven't had any issues regarding staying up too late, and for the most part he's pretty responsible about checking in if he's out with friends.

It sounds like 11 pm or midnight on weekends is pretty reasonable. Especially now that kids have cellphones so there's no reason/excuse to not check in. But I think during the week I'm keeping his curfew to 9 pm.
Let me promise that that having a phone and checking in does mean that you know where he is. Even if he is a great kid it is so easy to be tempted to lie and go to a different place. I am pretty sure you know my BF story and it could not have happened if we did not just take her word for it. And honestly there were no signs of issues or reason not to believe her until we knew how bad it was. And I actually change my curfew answer to the one above about not having one and having to ask permission to stay out until a reasonable time and if it is just hanging out then it is not late but if it is a school even I would allow later but like I said I would pick him up myself instead of letting him get rides. It is amazing that kids do not know you can hear them talk in a car.

I have "where is my iphone" on DS' phone. I can log in at anytime and it tracks him. He is not allowed to leave the house without his phone.

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